Really need some advice

[ballpythonluvr]

I have a 16 year old daughter that is smoking cigarettes. My daughter does not live with me, she lives with my ex-husband. I have tried talking to her about this and all she says to me is that it is ok, it's not like I'm addicted or anything, and it's my choice. I talk to my daugther on a regular basis. I know that my ex-husband does not know that our daughter is smoking. My child hangs out with a "bad bunch" and I am convinced this is why she is smoking. Now, my ex and I do not talk at all. I know how to get in contact with him though. My question is this, Do I talk to him and tell him what our daughter is doing or do I just keep my mouth shut? I am having a hard time keeping this to myself. My child is having a rough time adapting to my not being there. Unfortunately, this is the way it has to be right now. She does not believe in God either. I am not trying to turn this into a religious debate. I really just need some good sound advice here. Thanks for reading this.

[llovelace]

Tell her father. no matter what, as a parent he needs to know, and be aware of what she is doing, even if you two aren't together any longer, it still will take both of you to parent your child.

[ballpythonluvr]

tell her father, no matter what, as a parent he needs to know.

Thank you. I was really hoping that you would respond to this because you always have the best advice. I am going to tell him no matter what happens. I can't allow this to go on any further.

[SHROP]

personally i say tell her father. until she is of age to make her own decisions she is still a minor AND still the parents responsibility and obligation. i would have him step in and do something about it as she cannot feel as if she makes all the rules..


just my .02

good luck

[Cendalla]

I would see if he was willing to sit down with you for a discussion in a neutral environment. If you aren't close by then a phone call will have to do. Your daughter will resent the interference but he has to know whats going on (in my opinion)

I'm sorry that you are in a rough situation. I hope thing go the best they can!

[llovelace]

Be prepared she will be upset when he finds out, and will most likely lash out in some way at you, teenagers can be hurtful (trust me), but you'd rather her hurt a little now, than go down the wrong road and make mistakes that will permanently effect the rest of her life.

I thank God each & every day that I survived the teen years with my 3. Just keep the lines of communication open & honest with her.

[Alexandra V]

I agree with everyone, both parents have to know. I'm pretty much your daughter's age, and I have friends her age who smoke, and I've had friends who stopped, and of all the ones who stopped, both their parents knew and they both contributed to their quitting.

If only one parent knows about it, then it's going to be really tough to break her of smoking because she'll just do it behind the other parent's back anyways. Just my $0.02

[ballpythonluvr]

I agree with everyone, both parents have to know. I'm pretty much your daughter's age, and I have friends her age who smoke, and I've had friends who stopped, and of all the ones who stopped, both their parents knew and they both contributed to their quitting.

If only one parent knows about it, then it's going to be really tough to break her of smoking because she'll just do it behind the other parent's back anyways. Just my $0.02

Thank you so much for your response. It really means a lot to me to have you give advice like this. You are a very intelligent young lady and you are very wise for your age.

[JayyPastel24]

we were all 16 at point, still doesnt mean you cant cut your daughter any slack maybe she just needs some momy love, some bonding time? and i think your going alright with that religious thing my family got me into catholosism and for the record i learned my lesson by getting an old fashion whiping, hope things work out for you two

[PghBall]

I can relate to this as I have a 15 year old daughter and am also in the middle of a divorce and have custody of my 3 children. I was on the other side of the coin so to speak though, as my ex-wife did keep a secret from me regarding something that happened to my daughter. When I found out, I was highly upset with her for being a "Friend" rather than being a parent. It's tough when a kid tells you they hate you, or tries to pit divorced parents against each other (not saying this is the case but it happens). But, as I have told my kids, I wasn't put on this earth to be your friend. I was put here to be your parent. If you don't like my decisions, obviously I must be doing it right. Just my OP.