Moving on from past mistakes

[wilomn]

Words are so interesting. They can often mean more than one thing, making me think they must all be female. They're versatile and powerful; used properly they can be weapons for good or not good.

Perhaps you're spending too much time on forgiving yourself. Do you really NEED forgivness or are you OK with owning your past, not repeating it, and making a better future?

If you need to even up the score for what you did, whatever that was, you can. If you just need to come to a place in your mind where you can look at those misdeeds without cringing or feeling terrible, then you're almost home.

We all have a little voice inside us that tells us right from wrong, good from bad, whether or not the scales that weigh our lives on a day to day basis are balanced. You're out of balance. Add ballast. You can't change the past, that I know of, but you can make the future. Make your future better than what was your future when you were in your early twenties.

Balance your own personal scale. I'm guessing you know what to do but are in difficulties and actually implementing. Cool. You're not alone. Many many people KNOW what they need to do, need to do to be good people, caring people, nice people; yet they do not take those actions. Old bad is better than new good. Old familiar is easier to deal with, even it's a daily crapamatic, than is striking out on your own to make your past less important than your now and future.

Don't know your problem but have no doubts that the solutions to your situation are floating about that brain bucket of yours waiting for someone to let them out.

I suspect you CAN do this, but are fearful of possible repercussions as well as the fantastically difficult job of taking out those painful memories and seeing them for what they really are. Mistakes of a kid.

You and the person you were probably have little in common. Remember that. It's really important. Lance those boils, pop those pustules, smooth those rough edges and get on with being what and who you want to be. Easy? Nope. Worth it? Yup. Hard? As hell and then some. As has been said, fake it til you make it if that's the only option available to you. I suspect you can.