As I said in my original post, heat and humidity are fine.....the pastel male I had in a tank 30 breeder with 2 hides, water bowl, (because thats what he was in at his previous home) but I thought maybe he was stressed so I put him in a tub with a hide and a water bowl. The big female normal was in a tub at her previous home so I had her in a tub and then switched her to a tank thinking maybe that would help. The female spider has only been in a tub her whole life so she is in a tub now with a hide although she doesn't use it. All hides are the proper size (bought from reptile basics).
I have offered food once a week and have not tried to handle either one of them unless I need to get them out to clean their enclosure/tub.
I'm most concerned with the normal female not eating....@python addict, that is the reason I absolutely will not feed liveI feel so bad for the poor girl. And its frustrating for me.
Thanks for the responses!