I know exactly what you mean... With me it doesnt matter how many people are around me or how much i care about them its that i dont have someone for me. I am generally a very happy person til I am alone like at night when I go to bed or something like that but in public no one can tell that im not happy. Anyone that knows me will say im a very happy person... Other than to a therapist and 2 of my very close friends I havent talked about any of this so no one really knows what is goin on in my head ya know. I go at everyday looking for the positive and finding it everywhere. My goal every day is 10 things that make me happy. So I find 10 things that make me happy and focus on them and keep a good attitude all day.... atleast til im alone thats when I cant seem to focus anymore and start the spiral down.