MAN i wish i knew how to put tidbits of sentences in my responses like you JLC...
anyhow, it makes SO MUCH sense when you explain the hate thing that way...
i know i will always have choose my words carefully when discussing my daughter's father, to and around her. it's hard though, cuz i so badly wanna spew every hurtful syllable that comes to mind when i think of him but that wouldn't be fair to my daughter.

dsirkle - hence the reason i'm coming here for advice on how to let go of this hate. i dont want to be a bitter old hateful crone. i appreciate your effort to make a clear point as cut and dry as possible but to come at it with a "life sucks sometimes, get over it." view is kind of harsh giving that not every curveball life throws is that easy to get over. if it were that easy there wouldnt be a need for certain medications and psychiatrists and therapists.

i'm not coming here with this to whine or get pity or whatever. i'm genuinely seeking support and advice because i really do want to let go of this hate so i CAN move on and live a better more fulfilling life.

nektu - i know i should forgive him too but i keep thinking that he doesnt even deserve THAT.
to me truly being able to forgive someone involves the process of informing them they're being forgiven and it's a mutual understanding between both parties and then the relationship is improved in some way. it's really hard for me to understand how someone can forgive another person but not tell them. this concept has been attempted to be explained to me at church but it still eludes me as to how that situation would actually work to the forgiver's benefit if the person they're forgiving doesnt even know what's going on...