It breaks my heart to read something like this because I want so badly to reach out and help, but feel so inadequate to the task. What can I say that you probably haven't heard and said to yourself a thousand times over already? But, I guess sometimes it still helps. I know in my weight-loss journey, it's still encouraging to read about how others deal with the same issues and is always a valuable reminder...adding cement to the lessons I want buried in my own foundation.
What comes to mind when I read your story goes back to the very first sentence:To believe this is to believe that your hatred is somehow punishing the other person...which makes that hatred seem valuable to you. But this is not true. When you truly hate someone in this way...the only person you're killing is yourself. And without knowing it, you may even be doing harm to your daughter (but I say that very reluctantly because I can imagine that you work very hard to carefully weigh your words about him to her).they say
"if you hate someone, your killing them in your heart."
The hatred you feel weighs YOU down. It oppresses YOU. It spears your own heart time and time again and leaves festering wounds within your own soul. Should such a small, spineless man be allowed to have so much power and influence in your life? He doesn't deserve that! YOU don't deserve that! It's like he's still beating you up, still intimidating you, still breaking promises. You really DON'T have to allow that any more!
To not hate him does not mean you have to like him...or welcome him...or even acknowledge him in any way. He's not worth your hate. He's not worth your attention. There will come a moment when you realize you really CAN just let go. There will always be scars...residual sadness, regrets. But then you can always look at your daughter and know within the deepest part of your heart that there is nothing to regret because out of all that blackness came the brightest shining light of all.
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