Nice to see someone as nuts as I am. I still use coco coir but only about 3 cup worth it leaves large areas uncovered and the snakes shove it around the outside mostly. They also usually 'go' in the corners and edges so typically where the substrate is.

I hate paper towel too and have one very very shy snake that simply will not eat if picked up for at least 2 weeks. She is very frustrating. Rescue, when will I learn?