I didn't write on my weigh-in day last week because I'd had another zero week. Which is better than a gain, for sure...but after all the hard work I'd done with the working out, it was pretty discouraging. And I have a hard time writing about the discouraging aspects of this journey. Not that I'm afraid to share...but it just comes out sounding whiny to me....and I have SO little patience for whines and excuses. Therefore, I tend to put off my journal at times like that.
But...the journey isn't just about the good times. It's about the stumbles and the potholes and the wrong turns. With past discouragements, I'd been able to set them aside and not let the affect my forward progress. But this one affected me. I'm still struggling against the negative inertia I'd fallen into during the first of the year, I guess. And so all of a sudden, that work-out seemed more like a Mount Everest climb than ever before...and I talked myself out of it...repeatedly.I'm still careful with my calorie intake and focused on healthy foods....but I'm back to square one on the whole work-out issue. Even as I write this, I don't know where that motivation is going to come from.
I'm thinking this may be a time when I need to learn that "motivation" is not what I need. What I need is just pure grit to do what needs to be done regardless of what outer or inner motivations there might be that day. Because we don't always feel "motivated" to do the stuff we gotta do each day....we just DO it. Working out needs to get put on the same plane of mental existence as getting the kids up and dressed and out the door for school each morning...as taking care of them and making sure they are healthy and thriving physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I don't always feel "motivated" to be a good Mom....but I don't have to be...stuff just gets done because it's the right thing to do. I'm sure my husband doesn't always feel "motivated" to drag his butt out of bed and drive to work in the freezing cold mornings every day...but nothing ever stops him, no matter how crappy he feels or what great excuses to not do it may present themselves. Working out and getting strong and staying strong need to be THAT important.
This morning's weigh in WAS more encouraging! Three and a half more pounds let go.
This whole journey is beginning to remind me of the long-distance bike training I did a few years ago. (I trained for and then completed a 67 mile bike ride in one ten hour marathon of pure butt-agony!) Sometimes you're on rolling hills....and you can use that downhill slope to both rest a moment and to build momentum to help get you up that next hill. This week's motivation is a downhill slope that I can use to help build momentum toward that next hill. Another hill ALWAYS comes....and they can be a real beast to get up and over sometimes. Sometimes you get a long flat stretch...where you can get some really good forward movement with constant but not too strenuous effort. Sometimes you get a long stretch of down-hill....and those can be REALLY fun...you get going SO fast with SO little effort and it's so exhilarating! But no matter how many miles you ride or what route you take...those sorts of stretches are very few and far between. Enjoy them when they come...but this journey is always going to have flats and rolling hills...and even loooong hard uphill slogs that take every ounce of strength and grit to get through.
It's a journey of ups and downs and ups.
"...and lo, I am with you always, even until the end of the age. Amen."
- Matthew 28:20
Here's to a good week ahead...no matter how I feel!
-- Judy
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