I REALLY need help.

[shelliebear]

My fiance and I bought a 41 quart tub at Walmart, and were going to move one of our snakes into it.
My mom and I have clashed in the past about putting snakes in tubs vs. glass tanks. We have them in tanks right now (it is taking up my ENTIRE ROOM space.)
Not only are the tanks heavy and take up lots of space, it's hard to clean them, keep up the humidity, etc. and we have two snakes sharing one tank right now.
:/
Well, I was going to move one of our snakes into the tub (MY snake, note that, not hers) AND she still says I cannot move them into tubs. They MUST be in tanks.

I don't have room, or money, to buy another tank. :/ I already HAVE the tub, and a UTH, and I'm going to home depot or lowe's soon to buy a dimmer switch, and I'm buying a ReptiTemp 500r thermostat for the tanks.
So, I tried talking to her about why she only wants tanks. She wouldn't talk to me about it. :/ She got mad and told me "not right now" and "we talked about this before". What she DIDN'T ever tell me was WHAT she doesn't like about tubs. I suspect she won't tell me because she doesn't want to be proven wrong.
I've shown her a picture of a rack system on BP.net and she said "Ooh, pretty!" I told her we could make it and she said, "No, I want tanks."....
:/ I don't understand. No matter what I've told her--it's good for the health of the snakes, it's easier to clean, it takes up less space, it uses the same or less amount of electricity, there won't be 50 cords strung around my floor anymore, etc. she won't listen.
Does ANYONE have any idea what I can do? I know she has already given a lot by letting the snakes be here, but she loves them--she cuddles Nergal and Cleo all the time. It's not like I'm housing animals she hates, like mice.

thanks for any help you can offer.

[Valentine Pirate]

I'd personally move the snake anyway, and tell her to take a hike if she has a problem It's your animal, and as long as you aren't mistreating it it's none of her business how they're kept. I don't really know how to advise though, it doesn't really sound like you want a big confrontation =/ Have you shown her any of the threads on here about tanks vs. tubs?

[shelliebear]

I have told her about them, because she won't read them. She gets angry with me and thinks I am trying to start a fight.
I just want my snakes to be healthy. She doesn't take care of them, but if I moved the snake into the tub without her permission I'm pretty sure she'd tell me to move out of the house or get rid of the snakes.
I'm not quite sure how to convince her to read them. Should I try talking to her again? :/

[angllady2]

I know it is difficult, because on one hand she IS letting you keep them, but on the other it is your animal.

I suggest sitting her down and saying something like this, " Mom, you know how much I appreciate you letting me keep my snakes. I love to watch you interact with them and it makes me very happy you like them as much as I do. However, your insistence on tanks is making it very hard for me to care for them properly. I struggle with humidity issues, and they take up a LOT of room. If you would like to select one snake to keep in a tank, as a showpiece and close friend of yours, that I can live with, but mom, you have to understand how hard the proper care of these snakes is in tanks and let me move most of them into tubs.

I know you aren't crazy about the idea, but you know I've tried to show you it isn't bad for them, and with my humidity issue it would probably be good for them. Please don't force me to choose between what makes you happy and what is best for my snakes, I know you care for them and only what what's best for their health, right now I believe that is to move most of them into tubs. Not only is it better for them in many ways, but think how much nicer it will be in here with all these huge tanks out of the way, it gives you more room to play with them! And I'll admit the ease of cleaning will be a nice bonus for me. I don't want to argue or fight with you over this, but I really think it is for the best.

Just promise me you'll think about it, please mom ? Love you.


I wish you the best.

Gale

[seclark]

Well since your engaged you'll be moving out soon so wait till then. If you not planning on moving out soon and your engaged then maybe you should think about moving out.

[Evenstar]

I'm confused. Is it your mom who has the problem with the tanks or your fiance???

If it's your mom, well, they're your snakes. Keep them how you feel is best. If she tells you to get rid of them because you moved them into tubs, send them to your fiance's until you two get a place together. When's the wedding? If its close, keep them in the tanks til you move out with your new spouse. The tub and uth will keep til then. And you can make do in the meantime with the tanks. Many many snakes are housed successfully in tanks (mine included) and there are tricks for dealing with the humidity. It's not worth damaging the relationship with your mom over this.

If its your fiance who's giving your grief over this, perhaps you should rethink things.....

[shelliebear]

I'm almost 18, and my fiance is 19. It is my mother who has the problem with the snakes.
While I would like the wedding to be soon, we were hoping to have a somewhat fancy one, and so we are trying to save up for that.
I am still in school and under 18 so I'm not able to move out. My fiance receives 838$ per month from SS because of his schizophrenia, and because his father died when he was very young. He loses that if he gets a job and it is instead replaced with his actual income from the job--which, until he completes college, will be very little since it's minimum wage.
So the wedding probably won't be for 3-4 years minimum. I'm not sure how many apartments up here let people keep snakes, either.
My fiance is very supportive of the snakes, but he has a fine line to walk since my mom is allowing him to live with me in our house for a small rent fee per month.
I don't know what to do. I tried to talk to her earlier and said, very calmly, "I don't want to fight and I know you don't want to. Can we maybe plan a time to just discuss your concerns with the tubs so I can understand?" She said she has already told me her concerns and won't talk about it again. If she told me them, neither Max (fiance) nor I can remember.
I don't want you all thinking my mom is a bad person--she's not. Please don't think that. My mom is amazing, and we own SO many pets. I'm just struggling because I want to make this work NOW, since I'm worried with winter coming soon and it getting cold and all that, I want my snakes to be healthy.
However, my mom has issues too, and is stressed.
I just have no clue what else to do, if anything. Should I just let it go? I don't want to fight with my mom. I love her to pieces. But I don't think she is understanding what I'm trying to say, and she won't even talk with me about it, which is frustrating.
Shellie

[stratus_020202]

Your mom doesn't want to talk about the tubs because she knows she is wrong. It's very hard to admit to your kids they know more than you do. Especially with stubborn moms. I know I have one too.

Here is what I would do: Do not focus the conversation on the tubs. Obviously it is a bad subject. Focus on what is wrong with the tanks. Try this:

Mom, can you help me. I can't figure out how to get the tanks perfect. They are cold and the humidity is way low. Winter is coming, and temps lower than 75 can make them sick. RI is very serious, and can kill the collection..... Also, stumpie is going into shed. I want him to have a really good shed, and I just don't have the time to spray him 3 times a day.

Let her know you need her help. Let her mention the tubs. No matter what she comes up with, tell her why it won't work.

Honey, just use damp towels to increase the humidity. Mom, that is a breeding ground for bacteria, and they stink. You could use more pads to increase the heat. No, mom, i would have to hook each of them up to different dimmers. That's dangerous to have all those coords running.

Make her think you have thought of everything else, but you just can't make it work. Well dear, maybe we should try the tubs. Oh, mom, that is a great idea!

We all love out stubborn mom's. Sometimes they just need to feel like they are still in the game. Good luck!

[maverickgtr]

Most apartments we've talked to while looking for a place to move, are ok with reptiles because they're in tanks [or tubs or whatever] and can't just move around the apartment and stain the carpet. They basically place them under the same rule as fish and fish are covered by renter's insurance because if the tank breaks the renter's insurance covers the damages from the water leaking.

You need to have a sit down talk with your mom. Sounds like she's blowing you off. I know you love her and don't want to fight with her, but she needs to know what's going on and what's best for not only the snakes but also your sanity, because it sounds like this is stressing you out worrying about the snakes health and your mom fighting with you over this. She needs to make her concerns more apparent to you, and you need to inform her of the importance of having your snakes in proper, healthy environments.

[iCandiBallPythons]

I'd call Steve Wilko or Jerry Springer