Quote Originally Posted by tonkatoyman View Post
Good story, and well written. I only found two boo boos that I can spot. One is the use of than instead of then right after the scared ***less. the other is similar but now I can't seem to find it. However I will say that I did not look at punctuation as that is not one of my strong suits. I will make a suggestion though. When you write leave enough time so you can lay the piece down for a day. Then go back and read it for yourself. You will find places where you would like to change things for the better. If possible do this several times. Each time you read it look for areas where you might elaborate better, use different descriptive words, or simplify because the statement is hard to follow. However the story is good as written.
Thank you for pointing out the "than/then" mistake! I never would have caught it. Thanks, I always get my mom and one other person (or bp.net) to edit it and point out things I can't see. I really appreciate your taking the time to read my story!