Down and out.

[mainbutter]

Has anyone else been there?

Yes. I definitely know exactly how you feel, as hard as it may be to believe, there are other people out there who at one point felt or may currently feel exactly as you do. I hope it is a comfort to know that at least you're not abnormal, even though it sucks to think about how many people experience that kind of misery.

My girlfriend, or whatever she is at this point, wants me to get on anti-depressant medication. The problem is I don't believe in that. I can understand if someone is depressed due to a chemical imbalance, then it is a medical issue that needs addressed. But I am depressed just due to life sucking so very bad for me. There are no "make life not suck" pills. Anything I take would just be false happiness.

I used to be completely anti-anti-depressant.

It is true that there is no such thing as a "make life not suck" pill, but I CAN tell you that anti-depressants are something prescribed as a temporary relief whose issues stem from life troubles rather than pure abnormal brain chemistry. And they work.

The one thing I advise you to do is at least consider seeing a therapist for depression. In fact I'd probably advise just about anyone going through life troubles or feeling depressed for multiple weeks to go talk to a therapist for a session or two.

Depression is probably not only the most commonly diagnosed chronic problem for adults (estimated at 1 in 4), but also probably the most common problem that goes undiagnosed.

I knew for years that I had problems with depression. I felt as you did, I went through the motions as best I could, and in college I dealt with the extra stress with drugs and alcohol, which contrary to many people's opinions do in fact work as well. I owe my life to recreational drugs and alcohol (quite literally), but it would have been better for me to have done the smart thing and see a therapist and a doctor, which I did this past summer.

The problem is that I spent way too long 'knowing' but denying my problems as long as I could deal with them. Eventually they became too much for me to handle which is what triggered me trying to get help.

I don't want to see anyone have to get to the edge of that emotional cliff and begin to fall before they at least find a bit of relief.

I highly suggest you find a cheap local clinic with a therapist and just go in for a talk. They may suggest you talk to a doctor about getting on meds, but are always helping out patients work around their wishes, and again it's only TALKING to a doctor about their recommendations. I was the biggest anit-therapist and anti-med person in the world until I tried it out for myself, and was surprised at how much they helped me deal with life's problems. In fact I doubt there isn't a single person in the world who I wouldn't advise they go see a therapist at least once, whether it be for general depression, work problems, relationship problems, the death of a close friend/family member.. The problems don't go away, but I was able to be better at dealing with them.

Just a bit of personal non-doctoral advice about meds: they are to help, they don't fix everything, but they were personally pretty darn good at making me enjoy the little things (food, pets, video games, TV, movies, reconnecting with a few friends and going out for food and drinks every couple of weekends), which sounds like something you might be interested in.