I lost my ability to talk to new people IRL

[Oxylepy]

At the beginning of this semester of college I was able to talk to just about anyone and managed to get a large friend group. I ended up dating this girl for a couple of weeks and she broke up with me since she was emotionally messed up from a prior relationships. Well after that I've had like no ability to talk to new people, even though there are dozens of people who I want to talk to. I managed to snag this girl into my group of friends but other than her I've been terrified to even start conversations with people and its killing me. I think I'm afraid something bad will happen again, but my ability to even talk in general has gone back to the way it was when I was younger, I tend to mess up what I'm saying and make a fool out of myself.

Earlier I tried to get a guy to show me his hair because it was dyed and he thought I said something derogatory to him, I ended up talking to him later and he told me the GSA is showing movies and I'm literally right around the corner from the place and I'm scared to go in.

[mainbutter]

Sometimes it's worth finding a therapist to talk to when it comes to general social anxiety.

Just my .02

[aybe.sea]

never thought i would need synthetic help for anxiety but it can happen to anyone..maybe you don't need anything. but if ya do, some benzo's will set ya straight.

or maybe some medical mj

[flynn]

Sometimes it's worth finding a therapist to talk to when it comes to general social anxiety.

Just my .02

This. There is something underlying wether your conscious of it or not.

[mainbutter]

I also want to say that there's nothing wrong with seeking help from a therapist. In fact it takes a determined and strong person to be able to do it, most people who would benefit from seeing a therapist never give themselves the chance.

We're also a good support group here at bp.net, make use of the ability to just type out your thoughts (alot easier than speaking them aloud!!) if you want, and make use of the internet's ability to give you some comfort of annonymity.

[ballpythonluvr]

I used to be very anxious around people myself. I got some help from a therapist and now I am much better. Mainbutter is correct, it does take a strong and detremined individual to get the help. If you need someone to talk to about this, I am here as well as everyone else here at BP.Net.

[Oxylepy]

I actually have issues with therapists, I just shut down and form mental blocks around them. I know its an issue of finding one that works for me but I just generally have issues with them, ever since I was a kid. I actually realized a couple weeks ago that there are some things you dont want to bring up with friends, like suicidal feelings, that it would be helpful to have someone outside for but I am pretty sure I would have the same reaction I always did to therapits. The main issue I have now is talking to new people, like after my ex, who was fairly new to me, I kinda started liking this girl then I heard her and an ex boyfriend of hers doing things in the next room (this was on halloween) and it really hurt me emotionally, which is why I think I am so afraid of new people, the last two have hurt me a lot.

My friends commented that I was really fun to be around tonight, but I was drunk and on xanax and caffiene. I cant live like that, but this is how i used to be, very fun and very close with people and highly sociable. I just need to be like this again on a regular basis, playful and outgoing and very sweet to others. I dont know maybe I'll be fine in the future, but its really gunna take a lot of effort and I'm afraid I may not have it in me.

[Dalishar]

Offer my own ...

I understand how you feel completely. Prior to a rather disastrous move I was a positive, social person. Three years in a very redneck town (among other things) sent me spiraling into a four year depression. One of the lovely "side effects" of this was I became absolutely terrified of talking to ANYONE. I didn't leave the house more than ~9 times over the entire four years, and every time I was forced to I had insane panic attacks and just completely broke down mentally. Don't let yourself get this far, please.

I refused to see a therapist, and refused to take any "happy pills", or even go to the doctors to see what kind of "happy pills" would work. I don't know if they would have helped, but I eventually got out of it myself. This was ~2 years ago, and I'm almost completely back to how I used to be. I've forced myself to get out and socialize (getting a puppy helped tons), and I'm sure I sounded like someone with downs the first few months. I know I made a fool of myself on more than one occasion (Heck, I still do!), and wanted to give up plenty of times... but that's the easy road, and the easy road doesn't get you anywhere.

A mindset that helped me, especially at first, was to realize... the strangers really, truly don't care about the skeletons in your closet. They don't know anything about you, and aren't out to hurt you. And if you make it passed the polite "Hello, nice day, yeap, good bye"s there's obviously something about you they're interested in. (Or they're just as terrified as you are! Which can be pretty empowering )

Another thing that personally helped was... really, just to be fake. Not like... "Hey, I'm a millionaire and have fifty billion sports cars" fake, but "I'm a really confident happy person!" fake. "Pretend" you're exactly who you used to be. It catches back up eventually . (<-- easier said than done, I know.)

Hope this helps.

[Foschi Exotic Serpents]

Its weird how it works but normally social and outgoing people can develop social anxiety if they experience a trama in their lives. This can be anything from a relationship gone bad to a serious physical illness, to unexplained depression and/or stress. Or any combination.

The thing to remember is the longer you go withought talking to people, the worse it may get. If you keep yourself immersed in the company of others, even if its just going out for a drink or coffee with close friends, then it will be easier and easier to talk to new people when your out.

If you keep yourself locked up all the time and aviod people, the fear can get worse. Dont worry about trying to talk to women for any reason other than just being friends right. Minimize the stress that way. Just hang out and BS with people. Other stuff will come later.

[Oxylepy]

I spend a lot of time around my friends. My best friend worries a lot about me and she's extremely good to me, I spend most of my free time around her. Last night we had a party at her place with one of my highschool friends and a few of our college friends. I do spend a lot of time around people, the only issue that comes up is when my ex girlfriend is around I tend to disappear as I really dont think she wants me around right now. Then my job leaves me alone for 7 hours a night. But I do stay social with friends, however new people and new relationships (acquaintances, friendships, etc.) are my main issue. I have expressed this to a few of my friends and some of them tried pushing me to do things on my own that i'm not really comfortable doing, but others have decided that they're going to help me get back into the swing of things by being backup and being around for me so I can work on branching out again.

I'm very lucky to have them in my life, otherwise i suppose I would have been stuck for possibly years.