I can hear the announcement now, first the proclamation of the 40 Trumpets that Harald the Self Made(no one is ever known to have claimed fathership of BG and his mother and never really said she bore him, only that she raised him as best she could), then the traditional tossing of The Flower Petals of Orchids of Substantail Substance, grown only in the hidden valleys of BG's hidden homeland by virgin dancing girls, and Captianed by that champion of officious buffoonery, the ever overly effeminate Guardian of the Celestial Staircase of Pompasity and Flatulence, which all guests with the stature of BG must descend in order to mingle with the lesser beings also in attendance, "His Royal Radiance, Son of Grace, Gift of Heaven itself, weakener of ladies knees the world over, the right hand of every great man ever known, he for whom the Sun in the Sky above once stopped its daily passage so not to make him have sloppy tanlines, the one, the only, Big Guppy."
I laugh now. I wonder if Big Gulp does too?