Not so Enthusiastic Spouse

[Jay_Bunny]

So how do you deal with a not so enthusiastic spouse? My husband at first was interested in the snakes and even had his own king snake. He loved that snake. Then I was a horrible person and put the wrong kind of lid on his tank and he got out. Ever since then my husband really hasn't cared about the snakes.

I have a tendency to talk about my snakes....a lot. I used to talk to him about my plans and what kind of snakes I wanted to work with and he'd nod and I found out later, he was tuning me out. I have to admit, that kind of hurt to find out that I had been talking to him about something I'm passionate about and he didn't care enough to even listen. I have toned it down a lot. I don't think I've talked to him about my snakes in like 3 days.

But there are things that I need his help with that deal with the snakes. On occasion I need him to pick up feeders when I can't or more recently, I need him to help me get a website.

I feel kind of bad having this hobby and talking about it to him (sometimes a little more than I should) since he doesn't have a hobby for himself. I told him he should get a hobby and talk my ear off about it but he still hasn't found something he's interested in.

So what do you do when you have a spouse that doesn't care about your hobby?

[mainbutter]

Your husband doesn't have to be you. Just because you have a hobby you are interested in doesn't mean he needs to have one. Video games, tv, beer, and bedtime are sometimes hobbies unto themselves.

That said, I always try to take an honest interest in at least KNOWING about my girl's hobbies/interests/job etc, whether or not I participate. I definitely have to tune down how much I talk about fishing and reptiles because I know that my girl isn't as interested in it as I am, but she is happy for me when things are going well in those hobbies

[Jay_Bunny]

I'm not saying he has to be me or be as passionate about something as me, but I'd like him to have an interest that he participates in. All he does is work and sleep. Haha, maybe sleeping is his hobby. He definitely gets a lot of practice in that (12+ hours if I let him sleep in)

[dc4teg]

buy him a motorcycle not a harley either, a race one zoom zoom

[Mike Cavanaugh]

He supports you enough by letting you have the snakes in the first place. Leave him alone about it! Don't ever talk to him about the snakes again.

Let him bring it up. One of these days he will. Until then leave it alone and try to do your snake stuff when he isn't around.

[Shawn]

I'd have to agree with Mike . just let him be and he will either come into it on his own or wont. as far as getting feeders plan ahead on getting them, and for cage building or other such things start learning the how to's of the hobby. believe me it will make things better all the way around.

[dsirkle]

The fact that have a hobby that you enjoy has nothing to do with your husband at all. If you try to force him to either participate or pretend to find enjoyment in something that he really has no interest in, you will ultimately cause him to feel resentful toward either you, your hobby or both. If you think about it, there can be only a selfish motivation behind your desire to force on him something that he doesn't want.

[rabernet]

Karl has zero interest in my ball pythons. But he supports me by never raising an eyebrow when I bring in new animals, he supports me by going to reptile shows with me (he actually likes looking at all the critters). He also is a very social person, so he absolutely loves all the folks that we've met through this hobby as much as I do, and looks forward especially to weekend get-aways when we get together with others from this forum, because he loves to hang out with us, even when we're talking reptiles.

He does none of the maintenance, other than he decided he wanted to raise his own tank of ASF's for me. But I think he enjoys the ASF's, not for what they provide for me, but for the entertainment value. He talks to his ASF's, sits and watches them play on their wheel, etc. He just asks that I pull feeders when he's not there, so he doesn't have to see me do it.

He does think it's cool to tell his friends that I breed ball pythons to see their reaction, and he's somewhat interested in the animals that I've asked for his input on naming and I use the name he's picked.

Once in a blue moon if I'm handling a snake he'll ask to hold it, but only for very short periods of time.

I don't depend on him for any aspect of this hobby. Not in assistance in caring for them, not in getting feeders, not in vet bills. It's my hobby, not his. I don't set expectations for something that he didn't ask to be involved in.

He does think that the breeding aspect is cool and likes to see the eggs when they are first laid, and see babies pipping.

And he laughs at me while I'm cleaning and go "now THIS girl is one of my favorites!" because I seem to say it with every snake I clean.

[wilomn]

Working and sleeping with nothing else.......

That is a well established recipe.

Ingredients must be added, flavor and texture too, or someday your pot will boil over and once the steam has cleared all that will be left is a dirty broken....well you get the idea.

Good luck.

[Stewart_Reptiles]

I am married to someone that is not into reptiles but who he is happy that I do something I love. He has no problem with me adding new animals, he will sometimes listen to me when I talk about my snakes, or watch as I cut eggs and he even gave up the basement so I could expend my hobby.

How much more support could I want? The answer is none he has gone beyond what most people would do already.

I am not expecting him to help me, this is MY hobby therefore I do everything that has to be done myself from cage cleaning to rack building to caring for rodents, and it’s fine by me since I only take on what I can handle by myself.

I would never expect him to do something he is not into just like he would not expect me to do something I am not into either.

We are two different individuals with different passions.

If you want him do have a hobby it should be the hobby of HIS choice and not the one YOU want him to be in, and if he has an interest even if it differs from yours you should encourage him to pursue it.