Here you are...

[AaronP]

to sit down and type something about a snake?

Bruce

This is my Ball Python.
There are many like it but this one is mine.
My Ball Python is my best friend.
It is my life.
I must master it as I must master my life.
Without me, my Ball Python is useless.
Without my Ball Python I am useless.
I must raise my Ball Python true.
I must care for my Ball Python better than anyone, who is trying to out do me.
I must out do them before they out do me.
I will.
Before the Flying Spaghetti Monster I swear this creed: my Ball Python and myself are defenders of my reputation, we are the masters of our competitors, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there are no competitors, but peace. Amen.