I need some snake people!!

[Ed Chisholm]

This probably does not help you with your problem, but it is a good "Mom" story:
My mother-in-law immediately expressed her disgust with the fact that I bought my then seven year old daughter a BP for her birthday. Six months later we had to leave town for two weeks, and I chuckled as I asked if she would mind checking on "Viper" while we were gone. I expected to hear her say "No way," but to my surprise, she agreed. I was shocked when I returned home two weeks later. Not only did she check on her daily, but she determined she was hungry, defrosted a rat (she had seen me do it before), opened the cage and fed her for us. The old maternal instinct really took over!!! She said that since my daughter loved "Viper" so much, then she accepted it as well, although she claims she will never love it!!! Meanwhile, my father-in-law, the big bury "Man's Man" won't go down the hallway that leads to my daughter's bedroom because of the snake. People are funny.

[frankykeno]

I come from a long line of opionated women (funny how I'm so quiet and shy and all that )....anyways, having dealt with this sort of thing before here's a few things from my personal playbook...

Stay calm. Don't debate because there is nothing to debate here. It's a simple fact that you are an adult, you maintain your own home and in that home YOU set the rules. You would not walk into your mother's home and set rules for her, she cannot walk into yours and set rules for you. That's non-negotiable and not up for discussion. Period. End of story.

You can show respect by not expecting your mother to enjoy your snake hobby. You like snakes, she does not. If you expect her to respect your interest, respect her disinterest. In other words, you can talk about snakes with a lot of people, but not mom. You don't need her permission, but you don't need to be seeking her approval either and you are doing that by expecting her to show interest in your snakes.

It doesn't take much to figure out that this didn't start with those snakes and it's likely an issue that touches a lot of your interactions with your mother. Only you can figure out the relationship you will have with her as an adult dealing with another adult. You'll never change her or control her so you can decide how you deal with her and react to her from an adult/adult mindset not mother/child dynamic. It's quite amazing when dealing with difficult family members that once you change your reactions, they come around quite nicely (or they learn fast where the line in the sand is and how it's not smart to push that line - sometimes on some issues you do have to go there when all else fails).

[kc261]

I'll also tell her if she wants ground to stand on, then find me some proof. Someone put in the hospital, or killed by a ball python.

She has no ground to stand on..your not asking her permission are you?

I agree with a lot of what Freakie had to say in this thread. On this point, I think there is another side that he may not be seeing.

There is a difference between asking for permission, and asking for acceptance. Just because we all know that Mom accepting the snakes is likely to be slow in coming, if it ever does, doesn't mean Stratus shouldn't let her mom know that she would like that acceptance. The same thing for the fact that whether or not she gets that acceptance, she is going to keep the snakes. It shows that she cares about her mom's feelings, but it doesn't mean that she is willing to let Mom rule her life.

[PythonWallace]

My mom tried to pull that to until I politely reminded her that woman was also the tool of the devil to tempt man..So where does that leave them..

Brilliant argument. That right there might make a lot of the old ladies with unfounded, religious hatred of snakes hold their tongues a bit.

Im happy im not your mom!
Mike.

Me, too, Mike. I'm my mom's favorite person. I'm very respectful of my mom, and of her opinions, but she's never pulled any crazy crap like killing my dog for barking at my brother's girlfriend. I don't think I implied that people should yell at their parents or be disrespectful or inconsiderate, but in the OP's case it sounds like there is a lot of built up frustration from years of bowing and tongue holding with an individual that needs to be reminded of everyone's position in life. Basically, the OP deserves as much respect from mom as the mom expects to get.

[ZinniaZ]

I disagree with the 'take mom down a peg' line of reasoning. You have to approach it without taking an adversarial stance. You don't need to fight with her about it. You can say that you care about them and you would like her to understand and respect that, but then let it go. If she is afraid or disgusted or just plain thinks its a stupid hobby and a waste of money... well, so what? That's fine. Agree to disagree and don't talk about it anymore. Your relationship with your mom as an adult child is shaped by YOU. Act like a kid-- ie arguing, engaging in power struggles, demanding acceptance, etc-- that's not a grown up relationship. Just state your feelings, state your boundaries and keep them. So if for example, once you've stated your case clearly, she wants to keep arguing about it, you get to say, "Mom, I told you how I felt and I am not going to argue about it." Then change the subject.

[GenePirate]

I will simply tell her, "I love you, but I love them too. If you can't respect what I want in life, then I'm sorry, but they will be a part of me forever." If she leaves then she leaves. If she chooses to be stubborn and pig headed that's her fault. I know she loves me, and hopefully she can get over it.

As a mom, I would say that this (quote) is a very mature way of addressing the problem. While we're young, we think our parents are infallible, but as we grow into adulthood, we realize that parents are only human. In this case, you are more sensible and knowledgeable than mom. The next time the snake subject comes up, quietly ask her if she can have an adult conversation with you, and tell her that you love her and you respect her, and you would like that she have the same respect for you and your decisions. Tell her that she is welcome anytime, and you will do your best to keep your snakes away during that time. Chances are, she may not understand. Sometimes moms do the guilt and manipulation drama. I'm not assuming that I know anything about the wonderful woman that brought you into this world, but if the drama starts, you must be the adult, because obviously you are, as I said, the more sensible adult in this particular case, and she will start to see you as such.

[Derteufel]

This should not be an issue. Your mom seems very controlling and you let her. youre 27. You have your own place. SHE will have to get over it.

And if THAT is the reason your mom killed the dog, her action may be criminal.

[stratus_020202]

I think everyone has given me some awesome advise here, and I thank you all for it. i really appreciate all opinions, young and old. All the experiences thoughout everyones life. I believe the moment will come when we will have to confront our differences, and I will be prepared, for my responses as well as hers. Thank you all so much.

[Derteufel]

"Put your foot down".

I know this doesnt go for everyone, but if my mom called me at my house to b!7@$ at me about a snake... id say ok bye call back whn you have something important to say.

[wilomn]

"Put your foot down".

I know this doesnt go for everyone, but if my mom called me at my house to b!7@$ at me about a snake... id say ok bye call back whn you have something important to say.

And I know this man. Smart guy, little emotional and self absorbed, but all in all a good guy. The thing is he was stubborn. His way or no way. The guy was sooooo stubborn, that he cut of his nose just to spite his face.

The funny thing is, and he doesn't realize it, all he accomplished was making an idiot of himself.

He thinks the cutting was inspired, from On High, worthy of the praise of his peers, as he once put it; albiet he was a bit in his cups when that statement was made, puked up a lovely clamchowder a bit later in the evening if I recall, but, at any rate, HE thought he had accomplished some great ....thing, by removing that center of attention as well as center of his face, and so he did.

Cut it right off, not a thought of what was to come after. Never a seconds ponderance that his last flower smelled WAS his last flower smelled, not a moments consideration that the alluring scent of a woman was forever gone to him, as was the smell of snow, and rain after a long dusty summer, chicken right off the grill or the smell of his child, fresh from suckling its mothers breast, gone.

To make a point that he could not now recall well enough to repeat.

Yes, surgical removal of unpleasantness is the surest way of avoiding that which you could not otherwise escape.