Okay Justin in order to be fair about this whole football deal I actually forced myself to sit down and watch some of the Michigan Wolverine vs Notre Dame game today with Mike. I then asked my dear husband to explain various positions to me (football positions....ya nasty minded bunch!)

Justin....why did you NOT tell me I would have a huge brain ache! Aren't I a nice lady that's been kind to you! You could have warned me! I believe I've had some sort of cerebral incident here! Perhaps a sub dural bleed of some sort or other!!!!! All this to attempt to wrap my brain around this football thing. Okay the things I have learned today about this game....

- apparently there are about 700 positions to be played and a heck of a lot of men in identical uniforms show up to play them....how anyone keeps all this straight is anybody's guess as far as I saw

- to organize everyone there is apparently a "play book"....Mike indicated to me this is somehow a sacred object....personally I think it's full of squiggles and resembles something akin to a tic tac toe game gone horribly wrong but who am I to say

- there are half backs and full backs and quarter backs....now I don't mean to tell anyone their business but what happened to the 7/8th backs? perhaps a nice 11/16th back? I mean why show preference to certain fractions over others? Does this upset the Math Club?

- I'm pretty sure the free safety wasn't actually "free" nor is there a "paid full retail" safety....this confuses me and I believe some cerebral fluid escaped my left ear at this point!

- now I get the whole "quarterback tosses the ball as many men racing about madly trying to grab it before someone flattens them into the ground" thing...do they ALL HAVE TO HAVE DIFFERENT FLIPPIN NAMES though!...couldn't they just be referred to as the "run like hell and grab the ball" guys? Boy you people just love to complicate the issue don't you! Just when I got that the Wide Receivers run and catch the ball, Mike tells me the Tight Ends also run and catch the ball....well personally I don't care how well muscled your buttocks are....you should just be a Receiver like the other fella!

- okay what's up with the little guy that comes out, kicks the ball and then goes away never to be seen again? Do the other players not like him and therefore refuse to let him run and catch the ball and get smooshed like all the other nice boys? Seems a tad unfair to the poor little ball kickin fool.

- what is UP with those referree people...they sort of move like this yell a lot of incoherent words and wave their arms about....most of time it appears that they are having some sort of seizure???? Is anyone really paying any attention to them or are they there to pass time while people grab another beer?

- it's my vague understanding that there are 4 quarters in a game....each quarter is supposed to be 15 minutes....add in some sort of half-time band stomping about the field event...so why does a football game take 4 hours? Is there some sort of black hole time that football fields are built in? Does the Science Club study this?

- I'm still terribly confused about why the one fellow bends over and the other fellow crouches behind him. Does the bendy over guy ever worry about passing gas? Is there some sort of rule about this? There also seems to be a guy with a towel hanging from his butt? Does this embarrass him to be the towel boy? I mean you'd think they could each bring their own towel! Not so much to ask really. Perhaps since the kicking fellow isn't terribly busy he could remind everyone about the bring your own towel rule?

I've had to make a coffee and take 2 tylenol's and I haven't even started to learn about offense and defense yet and why one guy can't be both (or can he be? oh lordy my brain is SPRAINED!!!)