The ER I work at is cat/dog only, so we don't actually see snakes but if I'm there and we get a phone call about a snake it gets referred to me.

Last night we had a guy call in because his "Anaconda ball python" hadn't eaten for two weeks.

Following the direction of the employees at the (big name) pet store, he's keeping it on pine in a 10g aquarium with two heat lamps, no idea what his temps should be, but monitoring them with the stick on thermo-sensitive plastic strip that came on the aquarium. The pet store has been feeding it for him every week because it won't eat for him. The poor little guy has been soaking for days now and is developing white spots "like salt" on its head. He kept it insisting it was an anaconda ball python, too. I patiently explained to him that anacondas and ball pythons are two very different animals, whereupon he wandered off into a story about a 200lb 20 ft anaconda that he used to have, and how he's still fighting the city to get it back after it was seized.

I kept trying to steer him back to the snake he actually owned, but he seemed compelled to vent about the city officials. When he was done, I tried to get him here, but he has no internet connection so I recited as much as I could remember from the glass tank sticky and told him to see the local herp vet first thing the next day for a check-up and to get general care information.

He made noises like he was writing it all down, and I hung up the phone thinking maybe I'd made a difference and went back to dealing with real emergencies.

20 minutes later I get paged that there is another snake-related phone call.

"Hi, I have questions about my anaconda ball python".

*headdesk*