Well this came to mind after the whole injuries thread so I just had to share LOL:

1. Sex...it makes babies! Babies make sure you never have time to think about it again. Don't whine...it's your fault anyways.

2. Don't get attached to your favorite clothing. They will leak every fluid they possess on it...repeatedly. Leather never smells the same and forget that beautiful sweater you paid a lot for....it's just never going to be right again. (Kayte still owes me for my best red cashmere sweater which apparently made her repeatedly sick to her stomach! LOL)

3. Learn how to drive to the ER one handed while putting pressure on a spurting head wound. Don't ask...just do it....you'll find out why later.

4. Babies make wierd, rude noises. Your friends will think it was you doing it. People in restaurants will shoot you mean looks. There's nothing you can do (well other than blame the baby when you did actually make the rude noise....hehehehehehe)

5. Babies stuff things up their nose and in their ears. Wonder where that missing small earring is....meet Mr. Doctor....he likes you....you and your kids are buying him that new vacation home!

6. Keep your medical cards handy (refer to #3).

7. Learn to lock your bathroom and bedroom doors. Kids walk in at the most inopportune moments and some things just can't be explained to a 3 year old. Side note: that 3 year old is going to tell about what he saw, in great detail....likely to the minister at church or on his next visit to grandma.

8. Body parts. They like em, they want to talk about them. Learn to live with the embarrassment of this. (Mike is pretty sure he's going to get slapped if Mikey makes one more loud public comment on some lady's boobies)

9. Potty training is hell. You will end up begging some kid to do his thing and may even promise a car at a later date. This is normal, you haven't lost your mind....well you have but you're a parent and don't have the time to go find it anyways so why worry. Side note: the kid that won't use the bathroom will of course go out in your front yard, whip down his pants, and pee on the tree just as the nice older lady from next door walks by, don't be upset...after all it could have been worse (no dear, pooping under the birch tree is NOT allowed!)

10. Parenting a teenage is all about payback. Remember when you snuck in late or went in that car with that boy. Well somebody was keeping track and now it's your daughter in that car. Welcome to hell (and you just thought hell was potty training...oh such innocence...bwwwhahahahahaha). Your lovely kid just turned into hormones in blue jeans. They don't talk...they grunt! You gave them life, they would rather walk on glass than acknowledge you in front of their "posse" (or whatever that group of wierdo's is currently called). You thought you were a pretty cool parent....reality check....you apparently are old, stupid and wear jeans that are so out of style your teenage may have a cardiac arrest if you leave the house in them. If you do own anything even remotely teen approved, they will just "borrow" it anyways. If you have teenage daughters and you are a father....you will suddenly remember your own days as a teenage guy, break into a cold sweat and begin to hate yourself (you will also find yourself cleaning guns and throwing yourself bodily across doorways).

Just a few tidbits of wisdom I've gleemed in my own years of parenting.

Errrr could someone please pass me the nerve pills and a bottle of hair dye. I'm no where near done raising this crew!