Sometimes I wish I were more like Kodieh

[BrandiR]

About 6 months ago I went to a different Petco that usual for my rat because it was closer. I get the rat, start to check out, and that’s when it started!

I could tell before she even spoke that this one was going to interrogate me on my feeding practices, some of them just give off that vibe. She did not disappoint! She started slow, “Do you always feed live?” I told her that I do. “You should try frozen. It’s cheaper and it’s safer for the snake.” I explained that I only have one snake, I don’t need or want to buy in bulk and it’s just more convenient for me this way. She started saying something about the rats attacking the snake, I wasn’t really listening, I was checking my Facebook. Apparently mistaking my burying my face in my phone for keen interest in her vast snake keeping knowledge, she went on to ask if I feed in a separate enclosure. I almost said that I do just to end the conversation, but I didn’t really have anywhere to be so I played along. After about a 15 minute run on sentence about all the ways this is an accident waiting to happen (keep in mind, she has no idea what kind of snake I even have!), she finally stopped. I think only because she had to take a breath.

I get something like this every time I buy a rat regardless of which store I go to but most of them drop it pretty quickly. This one had some staying power! Anyway, just as we’re finishing up (I should say as she was finishing up, I was done 20 minutes prior) she leans in all secret-like and whispers, “I breed rats and I sell them for a lot less than here. I’m not supposed to tell people while I’m at work, but if you give me your number I can call you when I have some.” Right. Because there’s nothing I’d love more than to continue this conversation via telephone every week for the rest of my snake’s life. I told her that I’d take her number and call her. Don’t judge, we’ve all done it!

Fast forward to this morning. This chick calls me and starts talking like we’re best friends! “Hey! I just wanted to let you know I have some small rats!” “Uh. Ok. I have a bird. I got new shoes the other day.” Who is this and why is she calling me to tell me she has ra….NO! That fruitcake took my phone number off the paper you have to fill out when you buy a feeder! And then she called me SIX MONTHS LATER! Cable Guy, anyone?

I can’t really be mean to people, so I just let her try to sell me rats. She went on and on about the differences in bone density between the breeds, what colors most snakes like better, what sizes she recommends, all kinds of crap I wasn’t asking her about or responding to. I’ve never in my life seen someone work so hard for $3. She was like, “We do this really neat thing where we call you each week on your feeding day to remind you!” Oh yeah? Some people view stalking as anything but really neat.

I finally told her I was getting another call (I wasn’t, no one calls me). In retrospect, I probably should just tell her the truth. Unfortunately I can’t think of a polite way to say, “You talk too much and you creep me the hell out! If Petco rats were $35 and the nearest Petco was 75 miles away, I’d still go there before I’d ever initiate contact with you for any reason!”

She’s going to call again isn’t she?