Watching my new clutch of possibly orangebellies shed. Offering them their first meals. I've had a great weekend. Work went well, and I stopped at a art festival and wandered around it for a hour or so. I've spent the weekend watching things on TV that I enjoy, chatting online with friends, planning some custom figures. I've written a good amount on a new scene in a story, planned out an upcoming book. I dealt with the IRS on friday, and don't have to worry about them until 6 weeks from now. I am almost caught up from my truck blowing the timing belt, and the bills from that.

My mistake was daring to let my guard down and feel happy and content for once. I KNOW better. Every time I do it, something horrible happens. Sometimes it's the truck blowing the engine. Sometimes it's a death in the family or a pet dies or becomes very ill. Something ALWAYS happens, usually within a day of me "feeling happy" in my life.

Just found Tina the cinnamon bp dead. As far as I was aware, she wasn't ill. Obviously I missed it. I recently lost another female, Matilda my dark dinker to a RI. With those two deaths, my breeding programs are devastated. I'm now left with one undersized pastel female and several normals. I have a handful of males, including TheMike who has never bred.

So now I'm back to square one, wondering why I bother. I've worked for YEARS, trying to get a super cinnamon, to go for a super cinny/pied. Not to sell, not pushing to 'make money'. I just wanted one for ME. Now I wonder why I bother.

This isn't a "oh gee a bad thing happened, let's get morose" attitude. It's been this way with me for years. Every time I feel like I can relax and that life is going well, BLAM, some horrible thing happens. I'm very very tired of it.

I can't even get rid of the pythons. I wouldn't send any out for 90 days at the least, just to be certain that no one else is sick. I have all the hatchlings separate, but most of them are normals and hardly worth the shipping. Plus, if I got rid of the pythons, I'd have to get rid of the rats, and those are the two things I do enjoy. I have several hobbies I enjoy, but taking care of my critters seems to be one of my defining life things. I love to have my animals and enjoy caring for them. Good FSM but I even enjoy cleaning rat bins some days.

Just feeling down in the poop right now, wondering what I should do and how to get there from here. And trying not to cry, because when I cry, my eyes get puffy and my throat swells and my face is all red and someone in Redneckville will probably think I have plague. And almost all my friends and family would think "Well, don't you have other snakes?" or "Well, things will get better." and stupid stuff like that, because they DON'T understand how breeding programs are, and how the loss of ONE animal can destroy them for years. Especially with ball pythons with one clutch per year and 2-3 years to get a female to size.

Sorry for the rambling. This is one of the few places I can whine and not get blank looks of confusion.