Most of you don't know i'm into martial arts. Jiu Jitsu mainly. I trained since i was young. Tonight some good friends were killed in a car accident. A drunk driver decided they shouldn't live anymore. He left an 8 year old boy parentless. I want to fight. i know its selfish but i want to hurt them.
last week I was told my heart is so bad that its like the heart of a 60 year old and I'm in danger of a stroke. Genetics are a B...ch. I want to live. I want his parents to live. I want to hurt the one who took them from him.
i ask "why?". i want to hurt someone. I want to make someone responsible and "pay". i want to not feel that way but i do. I wish I was the guy that offered hugs to the ones that hurt but I'm the one who offers pain. Right or wrong it's who I am. once upon a time i was a firefighter. volunteer. I held men, women and children as they took their last breaths. I dont want those memories but I have them. They are mine. my nature in these situations turned into a need for retribution. I want to just let it go but i cant. Again I want to fight.
I once cut a fallen tree off a house. A man was trapped underneath. I held him. All he said was "I'm sorry." over and over. he died in my arms. I kept cutting that tree till it was a pile of saw dust. Taking that tree away didnt take that experience away. This is YOUR life! DON'T act like it isn't yours!
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