Frustrated

[Toxic Tessa]

((I'm really sorry for typo's, spelling, and grammar. I am writing this on my phone and am pretty angry.))

I normally don’t post things like this and instead choose to keep them in but I am just so frustrated. I think it will do me good to rant a bit. It has been a very difficult two months. It started two days after my birthday on may 1st where my boyfriend of 8 year left me with the excuse of: “I just can’t be with somebody like you anymore”. By that, he was referring to my current career in EMS and my future one as an Emergency Orthopedic surgeon. He told me that my love for the nitty gritty was disgusting and that I was weird for wanting to cut people open for a living. He said he had been hoping it’d be a passing phase and I’d go into general practice or PA school instead and was disappointed when I got into medical school. He wasn't always this way. After he graduated and got his accounting job he slowly started to change and wouldn't introduce me to friends from his workplace. I asked him why and he said it was because they thought what I do was gross and he thought I'd embarrass him. It's funny how you think you know somebody and then they just turn and show you their ugly side.

This really hurt me as I gave up just about everything for him. My family, my home, and everything I knew. He talked me into moving to the US from Italy, and because of that I haven’t seen my family in over 3 years due to financial reasons. I’m at the point now, where I am 24 and feel like I have wasted a huge part of my life on a dead end.

Then to make matters worse, the next day we had a very combative patient on our hands and when trying to get the stretcher out of the ambulance he rolled the thing… right onto my foot breaking it. So I’ve been out of work because of it when I am already hurting for cash and can barely make rent. Luckily the EMS job compensates me but my other two jobs do not.

That’s not even all. A friend, well not so much of a friend anymore has put me in an extremely bad situation. A few months ago she decided that she wanted to get a cat. I told her several times not to because she does not have time to properly care for it, and lives in the same apartment building as me which does not allow pets (except they are totally cool with my snake). Needless to say she ignore me. I was getting ready to go to class the middle of May when she showed up at my doorstep carrying the cat and a suitcase. When I opened the door she tossed the cat in and told me to watch it till she moved into her new apartment and could come get it. I really didn’t want to as I have several fish in open tanks and my snake. However, she said it would only be for a week and I caved in.

Well, it’s been over a damn month and I still have the freaking cat. He’s a sweet heart but it is very difficult to care for a cat with a broken foot , not to mention feed it and buy liter when you can barely afford to keep a roof over your head. I also am rarely ever home due to being in class from 7am to 5pm daily and then working usually 48 hour shifts on the weekend. If I had the money, a apartment that allowed pets, and the proper time to care for him – I would keep him. However, him just being here is putting me in jeopardy of losing my apartment.

I called her to figure out what the heck was going on and she finally picked up after ignoring my call for two weeks. She told me she wasn’t coming back for the cat and to just get rid of it. I can’t afford to take it to a no kill shelter as it’s 75$, and the humane society is 50$. I have no money and she refuses to pay for it. I would really like for him to go to a no kill shelter as he is disabled and I am afraid that if he goes to the humane society he will just be put down because of his messed up leg (The cat and I are both limpy). I told her this and that it should not be my responsibility to rehome her animal. I have tried to find people to take him in but nobody wants him and craigslist was a bust as well.

She told me to just toss him outside and he’ll figure things out on his own. Words cannot explain how angry that made me. That is not only ill responsible but cruel. I would never do that to an animal, ever, hell, I’ve swerved the damn ambulance for one of those giant caterpillars. It goes against my nature and every moral I have to just abandon an animal.

So in a nutshell: I’m newly singled, can’t even get back into the swing of being single again because I busted my foot, might be homeless soon, and have one of the sweetest cat’s on the planet that I can’t find a home for.

I really just don't know what to do anymore.