Quitting smoking

[Skittles1101]

I started smoking cigarettes when I was just 14 years old. I was never a bad kid, always got good grades in school, and honestly, other than chewing my nails, smoking was my biggest flaw. I don't really know why I started in the first place.

At 17 years old, I found out I was pregnant. It was so much easier to just quit cold turkey when it was affecting the little person inside me. I got married, had my son, and was stuck in a horrible marriage. I hated my ex husband, he really did some damage to me. I was scared to death to be a single mom, even though I was raking in all the money while he sat at home. I started smoking again at 19 years old, my son was just over a year old. Between the stress of being miserable at home, having to work 8-16 hours a day and then having to come home and deal with my ex I had no escape. I knew it was stupid to start again, but it helped me at the time.

I've been separated since August of 2009, divorced since April of this year (he contested it...which made it drag on longer...) and I feel like I really need to quit smoking. I've always thought "I'm young, I can just keep smoking now and worry about it later". Well, after trying to quit cold turkey almost 2 weeks ago, I realized that maybe I need to cut down first. I was miserable, had all the withdrawel symptoms, physical and mental. My boyfriend, who's been such a huge help though it, decided he could ration them out to me, since I'd be too tempted having them in my own possession. It helped, but I needed more. I made an appointment with my doctor to start Chantix.

I've heard mixed reviews. Some people have some really bad side effects and some take it really well. I decided it was worth it. I am now on day 2 of Chantix. You can smoke for the first week which is good. I have cut down a lot so I'm hoping the urges will stop soon. I'm sitting here at work right now, and I feel like I haven't had a cigarette all day, even though I had one right before work. I'm a little shakey, and jittery and I'm like CRAP...why do I feel like this? Well I go on the Chantix website, and apparently it weans you off nicotine by blocking the nicotine receptors in your brain. So I am starting the withdrawels while I am still smoking. It definitely is not as intense as it was that first day cold turkey with no help, but I just had to share this. The doctor told me that if I had kept smoking for another 5 years (granted I've only been smoking consistently for about 4 years), the damage to my lungs would have been irreversible. She said now that I am quitting now, my lungs should be like a normal life-long non smoker by my 30's. I had no idea the damage it does. I need to be here as long as possible for my son, so the time is now. Wish me luck, either way I need to quit, I'm just hoping it's not as unbearable.