Hi there,

My name is Amanda and I am 24 years old. I live in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. I wont get into all the gritty details of my life experiences, partly because it would take WAY too long, and partly because I doubt you all want to spend an hour reading it. Im not sure how many people will even be interested as it is, but im going through another rough patch and it is nice to talk about it, even if no-one is really listening I suppose.

I have been struggling with depression for at least 10 years now, I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 14, I began SI (or "self injury") at 16 after I spent some time in the childrens ward of the state mental hospital. My father has been in and out of prison my entire life and is now serving a life sentence.

Two and a half years ago I met my husband. We actually met on CL and got married only a week after we met in person and less than a month after we met online. He is truly the best thing that has happened to me. For the most part, since we have been together, my "condition" has been under control.

Recently, however, fell ill and missed a couple weeks of work, doctors dont know whats up. I was so ill that I couldnt really do anything but lay in bed. More than mild activity caused me to become very weak and eventually collapse if I pushed myself too hard. Last week it seemed that I was improving, however I suddenly fell into a deep depression that I havent experienced in years. I had a relapse with my SI as well.

Things were looking pretty bleak for me, but then I decided I wasnt going to let this happen again. I decided to take a drastic measure and do something bit immature but It was something that would make me happy and keep my mind off of things, so I did it. I got my new BP Zeus. I know getting an animal as an impulse buy is a bad idea. I did a little research beforehand just to make sure that I would be able to properly care for him. My husband says he was upset with me, but he really didnt show it. Luckily he loves pythons as well.

I know what I did is just a band-aid solution, but right now, things are pretty rough and I need something positive to distract me. Ive wanted a snake all my life so I decided I know I cant have everything I want and I know everything in my life cant be perfect, but this is something I want and it IS within my power so here I am. I have my boy Zeus and I am happy. He is more sweet and sociable than I expected, but I suppose thats the benefit of getting from a breeder that handles each snake. I really look forward to being able to develop a relationship with him and watch him grow.

Anyways, that is where I am right now. If you plan on judging or criticizing me for the SI or the impulse buy of an animal, please do not bother replying. Also Im not looking for sympathy, I just like to be honest with people and share how I feel. If anyone has had similar experiences, I would love to hear about it. Its nice to know youre not alone.