You just need to jump in a car, drive as far away as you can and start from scratch? Because that is exactly what I feel like right now.

I feel like nothing in my life is going right at all right now. I'm on academic probation at school, have no job, cant figure things out with my ex, have literally no friends and feel like I am going nowhere in life.

School is a drag and I honestly went to class all of maybe twice per class I was taking last semester. I have no motivation to sit in a class that has nothing to do with what I want to do with my life. I know I want to get into Zoology and/or Marine Biology but can do either of those things being stuck in a Community College in Kansas. Sitting in a classroom is not how I learn, I learn by being hands on and being out in the field. I rather walk around a crappy zoo all day than sit in a class room all day simply being I could find something that I am interested in and learn something about animals. I need to get out of where I am to do what I want to do with my life but don't see that happening right now.

I love my ex more than anything, and she knows it and it seems like she is using that knowledge to toy with me and just drag me along until I am smart enough to just cut all tied with her. I know I can find better than her, but don't want to simply because I love her so much and am so happy when I am with her. We used to see each other everyday even after we did break up, but I haven't seen her in over four weeks now. She always tells me she is busy, or some lame excuse that I see right through. She is always saying she misses me, but when I ask to hang out she doesn't want to. This alone should be enough for me to be smart and just move on, but I just can't get myself to. I think changing my phone number and cutting off all ways of contact with her is the best thing, but cant bring myself do that.

Im hoping that once school starts again in about two and a half weeks I will start to be more social and what not and finally start to get some friends. I'd like to think that I am easy to get along with and everything. I do have a very crude sense of humor, things people find to be extremely funny, I typically find to be stupid, and things people think are stupid are extremely funny to me.

I try to get out and do things that make me happy, but most of them are no fun to do alone. My favorite thing to do is go out and go bowling,but with people and not alone. I hate doing things that I am passionate about with people that aren't as into something as me, because when I get into a new hobby or interest I go all out and learn as much about that thing as I can, and am a sponge to information. And I feel weird because I tend to talk about what I know, even if the people around don't care at all.

The times in my life that I have been the happiest are when I have been on cruises. You have a bunch of new people in front of you that know nothing about you at all, its a fresh slate. I am a naturally shy person who typically will not just go up to anyone and try to start talking, so I enjoy being put into situations where its necessary to get to know people in order to enjoy what is going on around you.

I wish I could just pack up and move out to the coast and get into a school that is going to enable me to be where I want to be in my life ten years from now. But being a broke 19yr old makes that nearly impossible.


/end rant.
I don't care if anyone reads this, just needed to get things off my chest at nearly 3:30AM. I know if anyone does reply to this that they will give quality advice, which is why I LOVE this place even though I don't post to often,