I don't care if anyone reads this or responds. I suppose I just need to vent how I am feeling.

I am pretty much just considering giving up on pretty much everything at this point. Due to some life changing events that I did not want, it seems like I don't care about much anymore. My relationship is all but over, and to the point I don't care.

Have you ever felt like saying forget it to everything? I am not talking about suicide, but just plain giving up. Pretty much just zombieing out and going through the motions?

I seem to have lost my "give a ..."

I used to love my girlfriend. Now we barely speak. I went a month without seeing her. I will never find anyone like her again, she is everything you would want in a gf, except physically. AND except in one choice she made in life. Now I no longer see her as the person that I loved. I am still in love with that person, but see her as someone totally different. I hate and resent this new person for changing my life so drastically.

I used to be an avid gamer. I used to play WoW as well as a tabletop wargame known as Warhammer 40k. I don't care to even so much as long on to WoW anymore. I have no motivation to level or do anything. I have no motivation to talk to my friends on there which are all probably gone anyway. As far as 40k goes, not only do I not have the will to bother to try to play, but I also don't have the will or care to work on the models I need to play the game. I have thousands of dollars of stuff just laying around that I may never pick up again.

My fish and snakes used to be a large part of my world. I was so excited to start breeding. Now I could care less. I feed them. I water them. As far as the fish go, I do the bare minimum of water changes, but they do get done. But thats it. I haven't bothered to actually hold one my animals in a long while. Don't get me wrong. I do make sure they are healthy because I know I am responsible for their care, but I do it based on that reason only. I look at it as something I simply have to do, not because I love it anymore. Part of what burnt me out was not being able to sell most of my baby corn snakes. I am still stuck with them. The government has not helped with what seem like a ban on my animals every single day. I am just sick of it all. I don't even often turn my fish lights on to view them.

I have an older xbox that I haven't touched in months. I have a few games half finished but I don't even care. I have no interest in finishing them. The thing just sits there and collects dust.

Finally to the point of my friends. I am considering just abandoning them. Every last one of them. I tell them the problem I have in life, and they just can't grip what I am so upset about. They think I should be happy with my situation and how things turned now. They simply can not fathom why I would be the total opposite about it. I am pretty much just tired of them. They are nothing but a bother to me at this point. It is so much effort to even pick up the phone when one of them calls.

As far as my job goes, I am pretty much sick to death of that as well. I go in every day and have to deal with the stupidity of the corporate retail world. Now it is the stupidity of the corporate retail world around the holidays. The ignorance of people at this point just makes me think the entire human race is a waste of air on this planet. I used to love what I did, but now as with everything else, I do it because I have to.

I take no pleasure in anything anymore. I eat because I have to, not because I like food. I drink because I have to. I drink alcohol only to ease the pain. My girlfriend, or whatever she is at this point, wants me to get on anti-depressant medication. The problem is I don't believe in that. I can understand if someone is depressed due to a chemical imbalance, then it is a medical issue that needs addressed. But I am depressed just due to life sucking so very bad for me. There are no "make life not suck" pills. Anything I take would just be false happiness.

Sorry for the super long rant. Has anyone else been there?