Your opinion on something waaaaaaay off topic

[duckschainsaw]

So.. this is a messed up situation. What do you think about this mess?

A guy and a girl are married. Things aren't going well. They toss around the idea of divorce but don't have anything set in stone. The guy meets a girl and starts seeing her behind the wife's back (not sexually). He takes the kid with him a few times to see the other woman. The wife is working and has an odd schedule. She is not seeing anyone else. In the middle of a heated argument the man says he wants to go live with the other woman who lives an hour away and take the child. The wife disagrees and winds up moving out of the house, and the man moves the other woman's stuff in the same day that the wife is moving out.

Things are calm for a while. Eventually the man states that he wants to change a schedule that had been working well because he wants the child in school. The wife would still be able to take the child to school, but the husband does not agree. He does not seem to care that the wife will not be able to adjust her schedule or afford child care. The woman he is living with is hostile toward the wife.

The wife gets a lawyer and sets the temporary custody schedule so the time is set back to equal. The husband gets angry and states that there is too much hostility and that the wife can keep the child from now on. The wife's mother comes from out of state to care for the child while the wife works. The husband states he plans on moving out of state, so the wife decides to move closer to family. The husband says he would be okay with the wife having the child during the school year and him having the child during the summer. The wife disagrees. The child is still young and would not understand. She would be willing to do that once the child is older and can understand, and would be fine with him visiting the child but not going out of state. She starts getting things ready to move and gets a spot reserved in a school for the child. She tells the husband that she's trying to do what's best for the child but the husband says she isn't.

The husband has only sees the child twice in nearly a month. The mother tells him that she would be willing to take the child to see him at any time with reasonable notice, but he does not ask. He does not offer any form of support. The mother attempts to call the father every night so the child can say good night, but he does not always answer.

The seeming lack of interest on the part of the husband makes the wife put in for residential custody, still giving him full legal custody. The husband disagrees to this as well and the other woman in the house pretends to be the husband through text messages saying that he is going to fight.


There are a lot of details left out for privacy's sake.. but what do you think of this situation?

[rlditmars]

If we are leaving out details for privacy sake, then I doubt this is hypothetical.

To much minutia to sift through but let me say this as a child of a nasty divorce. The child's welfare has to come first, period. All pettiness aside, either parent that can't get past themselves to see that this happens, doesn't deserve the time they are already getting. The rest is just ego and selfishness.

[Stewart_Reptiles]

From experience there is always two sides to a story but from my point of view this looks like the typical nasty divorce situation where the child is a pawn used to hurt/get back at the other parent.

Both parties involved need to put their past/differences aside and conduct themselves as PARENTS first and foremost.

[wolfy-hound]

Sucks for the kid. Maybe eventually mom and dad and new woman can all be adults and sit down to work things out.

Sounds to me like it's best left between the adults and their lawyers and the judge. Extra people outside those three will just draw factions and inflame everything.

A lot of the evils end up happening when outside influences start egging on the participants. "Yeah, you are right and you should totally tell him to screw off because you're the good one!" would just make it less likely that anyone will want to work things out.

[bcr229]

Sounds to me like the only winners in this situation will be the attorneys.

I feel bad for the child.

[Chkadii]

Unfortunately there is still a gap between what is legal and what is moral or respectful. I would hope that the most reasonable and beneficial solution for the child is the one that prevails. All I can suggest is to document everything.

[Albert Clark]

Short answer is "growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional". Side note is children don't ask for the parents they get so its up to parents put the children first. Anything less is criminal!