Trust

[Skittles1101]

Without getting too personal, can relationships survive trust issues?

I ask here because I know a lot of people are happily married, some for many years. Although I have way more life experience than I should at my age, the idea of surviving a trust issue (not of my part) is foreign to me. Discuss.

[Trochu]

Absolutely! I like to think of these issues from the other prespective. A couple had been married for many years and the husband had an affair. They stayed together, when asked why, the wife responded, I'm not going to focus on the one mistake he made after 10 years of marriage, I'm choosing to focus on all the things he's done right after 10 years of marrige.

[Skittles1101]

Okay, but what happens if you don't have 10 years of a strong marriage to fall back on? And what if the other party continued to make bad choices following the "mistakes"?

[DemmBalls]

Depends on what caused this trust issue.

[jcoylesr76]

it can overcome, but i think if it is only going to be a one sided thing, then no. both sides need to be in agreement, and any repeats of previous actions will ruin any chances of it working out. regardless on length of the relation ship. talk it out, understand it and why, and hopefully then it will work out. chances are the reasons that lead up to the issue, are equal on both parties involved due to a simple stupid misunderstanding.

[dart]

No, you can't. Sorry to be blunt, but if you don't trust your significant other 100% your relationship is doomed eventually. When you don't trust someone you can never be truly happy with that particular person and when you're not happy, you argue and fight. Eventually one person will get sick of the fighting and call it off. Can people change and learn to trust someone? Definitely. Is it hard? Absolutely. But, one person WILL have to change, you can count on that. Be it the untrusting person or the non-trusted person.

In the case of that 10 year marriage, obviously she still trusts him even though he a lapse in judgement. If she decided to stick it out with him after he cheated, she must trust him enough that he's not going to do it again. GL with whatever decision you make, relationships are tough.

[MrLang]

My first reaction is to say no, it's doomed. My second thought is that any individual who needs to invest 100% trust in another person is doomed by their own insecurity. Maybe that's my own personal issue, though. A certain small level of general distrust is helpful in maintaining a balanced perspective, however cynical that may make me sound. On the same token, I think most people need at least 1 person they can trust whole-heartedly in their life. Some people get that from their parents, some people from their lover, or best friend. I think I'm of the opinion that this role is best filled by a non-lover. Perhaps that perspective will change as I grow older. I can't imagine people go through life after their parents die any other way.

If someone holds that position and then violates that trust, they'll never be able to fill that role again... regardless of which of those relationships the person falls into.

[dart]

My first reaction is to say no, it's doomed. My second thought is that any individual who needs to invest 100% trust in another person is doomed by their own insecurity. Maybe that's my own personal issue, though. A certain small level of general distrust is helpful in maintaining a balanced perspective, however cynical that may make me sound. On the same token, I think most people need at least 1 person they can trust whole-heartedly in their life. Some people get that from their parents, some people from their lover, or best friend. I think I'm of the opinion that this role is best filled by a non-lover. Perhaps that perspective will change as I grow older. I can't imagine people go through life after their parents die any other way.

If someone holds that position and then violates that trust, they'll never be able to fill that role again... regardless of which of those relationships the person falls into.

NOT trusting someone is a sign of insecurity, not the other way around.

[MasonC2K]

Once trust is lost it is hard to regain but it can happen if the offending party is truly sincere in their repentence.

Forgiveness is easy. Forgetting is hard.

[CherryPython]

Personally, from experiences I have been through, trust is everything and without trust there is no relationship. Once somebody has thrown away my trust they don't get to earn it back. Clearly it doesn't mean that much to them.

However that's me personally. I know plennnty of couples that have had a bad breakup after a mistake and then get back together and they're happy as larry now...even though at the time of the mistake they were insistent it could not be fixed and it was over.

I find it more difficult to trust people once you've been taken for a mug repeatedly.