A little of what I have been dealing with lately!!

[BPelizabeth]

http://www.fox11az.com/news/local/Sa...118545244.html

[wilomn]

A friend of mine wrote this a bit ago. I think it's got some good stuff in it. Hope it helps.
_________________________________________________________________________

The best way to resist bullying is by not being a target.

What makes a target for a bully? Those who are different from the norm are often the targets of bullies. Too short, too fat, too smart, not smart enough, colour, posture, gait, pimples, eye contact or lack thereof, almost anything that sets one person apart from a group can also make one a target of bullies.

There is nothing to be done about some of the target criteria, one cannot control one's height or natural colour, but much can be done to avoid bullying.

Growing a thick skin is one of the best things you can do to avoid bullies. Verbal taunting is their most often used tactic to get a rise out of the intended target. If you can, simply ignore them. If you cannot ignore them entirely, remain calm, do not get angry, do not yell, do not raise your voice. That will only lead to further bullying. The less reaction a bully gets out of you, the less motivation for the bully to pick on you.

Dressing differently will make one a target. If you must wear that imitation WWII helmet to school, you must expect to be bullied. If your Uncle Clarence's winter coat, the one he wore back in 1979 when he weighed four hundred eighty-seven pounds and thought plaid was cool, is the only jacket you at ninety-two pounds dripping wet, wear to school, chances are you will be bullied.

Changing the way you dress can transform you from a bullseye carrying nerd to one of the multitudes of the unnoticed. If you fit in you are far less likely to be a target. Once you are no longer a target, you won't be bullied. The price, of course, is anonymity. You are also far less likely to stand out if you look and act like everyone else.

The way you walk can also make you stand out to bullies. If you shuffle or carry a load of books so heavy that it makes you list to one side, change your gait, carry fewer books or get a bookbag that allows you to carry them comfortably. Stand up straight and walk with your eyes looking forward. Do not slouch; do not look at the ground as you walk.

Walk like you belong wherever you are and that you will be welcome wherever you are going. Look at your destination, head up and eyes open. Even if you don't believe it, walk it, you have every right to be there. Bullies are not always smart, you can generally fool them.

Watching your feet is a dead giveaway that you don't want to be seen, which will most assuredly result in your bully noticing you. Do not watch your feet when you walk.

Eye contact with a bully is an offer of engagement if you look too long. A quick glance as you pass is best if any eye contact must be made. Do not obviously avoid looking at a bully either; this will merely make you a target

Be confident. Those two words are most important. If you think you'll be bullied, you will be bullied.

If none of the above are options open to you, learn where the bullies are and avoid those places.

[SheenaCamp]

A friend of mine wrote this a bit ago. I think it's got some good stuff in it. Hope it helps.
_________________________________________________________________________

The best way to resist bullying is by not being a target.

What makes a target for a bully? Those who are different from the norm are often the targets of bullies. Too short, too fat, too smart, not smart enough, colour, posture, gait, pimples, eye contact or lack thereof, almost anything that sets one person apart from a group can also make one a target of bullies.

There is nothing to be done about some of the target criteria, one cannot control one's height or natural colour, but much can be done to avoid bullying.

Growing a thick skin is one of the best things you can do to avoid bullies. Verbal taunting is their most often used tactic to get a rise out of the intended target. If you can, simply ignore them. If you cannot ignore them entirely, remain calm, do not get angry, do not yell, do not raise your voice. That will only lead to further bullying. The less reaction a bully gets out of you, the less motivation for the bully to pick on you.

Dressing differently will make one a target. If you must wear that imitation WWII helmet to school, you must expect to be bullied. If your Uncle Clarence's winter coat, the one he wore back in 1979 when he weighed four hundred eighty-seven pounds and thought plaid was cool, is the only jacket you at ninety-two pounds dripping wet, wear to school, chances are you will be bullied.

Changing the way you dress can transform you from a bullseye carrying nerd to one of the multitudes of the unnoticed. If you fit in you are far less likely to be a target. Once you are no longer a target, you won't be bullied. The price, of course, is anonymity. You are also far less likely to stand out if you look and act like everyone else.

The way you walk can also make you stand out to bullies. If you shuffle or carry a load of books so heavy that it makes you list to one side, change your gait, carry fewer books or get a bookbag that allows you to carry them comfortably. Stand up straight and walk with your eyes looking forward. Do not slouch; do not look at the ground as you walk.

Walk like you belong wherever you are and that you will be welcome wherever you are going. Look at your destination, head up and eyes open. Even if you don't believe it, walk it, you have every right to be there. Bullies are not always smart, you can generally fool them.

Watching your feet is a dead giveaway that you don't want to be seen, which will most assuredly result in your bully noticing you. Do not watch your feet when you walk.

Eye contact with a bully is an offer of engagement if you look too long. A quick glance as you pass is best if any eye contact must be made. Do not obviously avoid looking at a bully either; this will merely make you a target

Be confident. Those two words are most important. If you think you'll be bullied, you will be bullied.

If none of the above are options open to you, learn where the bullies are and avoid those places.

All of these points are good in theory, but if a child is being bullied, nothing is going to stop them. In my experience with bullies, they only stopped once we got older and they got into football, sports, cars and girls. I'm overweight, always have been, but being different doesn't give them, plus 20 other boys (they were all boys, no girls) an excuse to steal my backpack, throw rocks at me, beat me up at school and follow me home.

If a parents goes to the school, the teachers can stop the bullying in class, but what can they do during lunch and breaks? Or what can teachers do to punish the kids who write terrible things in books about people, like was done to me? In extreme situations, like in the video, I would only have 2 recommendations:

1) speak to the parents of the bullier
2) take your kid out of school

I know the last one is a bit extreme, but I'm 27 and I STILL have nightmares about school; and I'm NOT a sissy. It takes a lot to upset me, make me mad, hurt my feelings, but a lot of the things that were done to me when I was young have had life-long effects and I would never want my child (if I had one) to suffer through that.

[wilomn]

Sometimes you just have to kick someones ass or at least make the attempt. It's as plain and simple as that.

However, as the above poster proves, not everyone is capable of doing so.

I suspect parents may have been lacking in the self-confidence giving part of their child rearing responsibilities in cases such as this. I am not casting blame, especially since this is all supposition, however, I have worked with kids for many many years, in my roundabout way, I have seen with my own eyes how this works.

[purplemuffin]

I can agree with you Sheena... I had bullying severe enough I had to be taken out of my school in my freshman year. I was going to a new school--a private christian school we had heard good things about. The bullying actually started with a teacher who had sort of taken over the school--if the principal said one thing and she said another...her word was law and he would change the rule to what she wanted. She wasn't nice, she used scare tactics and she made a lot of kids cry for no good reason. She would tell elementary kids their parents were going to go to hell. Seriously??? Well, she took a disliking for me. I love broadway musicals and so my family and I went to go see Wicked..She found out. Suddenly the school started an anti witchcraft campaign and she announced on the loudspeaker that I was practicing devil worshiping. She tried to force me into counceling, convinced all of the older teachers I was a lost cause(one of which just would cry when she saw me.) The other kids would laugh at me or be afraid of me. My grades in that teachers class started to fall for stupid reasons. I would lose points in a fill in the blank homework sheet because I didn't capitalize a word when it was the first in a sentence, or if I wrote to messily, or if I changed pens/pencils halfway through an assignment. Not just 5 points off or something, but like, 30 or more. I had to leave that school. It's been years and I still can't listen to music from Wicked without feeling sick.

But of course the next school I switched to I ended up being bullied by the kids, it was a clique-ish school and since I didn't arrive at the beginning of the year, I missed out on all of the cliques..even the 'we hate cliques' clique, lol! It wasn't too bad, just some pranks pulled on me and some nicknames, but I have enough self confidence that regular bullying doesn't bother me as much, even now..I know I'm a big girl. But I know I am attractive and I know my boyfriend of nearly three years loves me, my family loves me, and I have some of the best friends and pets I could ever ask for. So I don't care if someone who I don't like anyway decides to pick on me.

Thankfully I never had to deal with physical bullying, that would not have gone over well, and I HATE when kids resort to that sort of action. It's unacceptable. And I agree with you in that video.. It shouldn't be tolerated and it shouldn't take hundreds of people speaking out to stop it! We have a zero tolerance on everything else, why is it so hard to have zero tolerance on bullying?

[Soterios]

When I was getting picked on at the bus stop (3rd grade), my dad approached the kid and explained that if he ever touched me or my sister again, that he would personally kick his dads arse (which in such a trashy household would result in the kid getting his butt whooped as well)
Long story short, the kids dad came out the next morning, got into it with my dad, ----insert your own assumption--- and that pile of trash never even looked at me or my sister again.

Parents take no responsibility anymore on either side of these cases. People rely too heavily on the schools to raise their children. If my kid was getting bullied, I wouldn't be writing a letter to the school. I'd be paying a (civil) visit to the other kids parents.

[Egapal]

I can't begin to imagine how hard that must be as a parent. My fiancée is a Student Advocate at our local high school and I can tell you this kind of thing would not happen here. We have a zero tolerance policy and from what I saw in the video this is beyond a school issue. This is a police matter. Sure there are a lot of tactics that kids can use to not be a target of bullying but as a civilized society we should be protecting those that can not protect themselves. The school should remove the bully and that should be that. I can tell you that it takes more time and effort to handle these things but as a tax payer I am happy to pay the premium if it stops bullying.

I myself was the Australian kid who got bullied. I was 5'8" 180 pounds in 6th grade, taking a 2 hour taekwondo lesson twice a week. I had two physical bullies in my life (no verbal, they didn't stand a chance against me). The first one I avoided successfully and the problem went away. The second one pushed me till threw him, he bounced off a wall, I put a knee on his throat and told him next time I won't go so easy on him. That was in 10th grade. I haven't lashed out in violence since. I played Rugby all through college and never got in a fight. I apparently talked to the wrong woman at a bagel shop after a night out at the bars and walked outside to 5 frat boys wanting to kick my ass. I avoided the conflict till someone said something that put me over the edge. I told one of them I would fight him but he looked like he couldn't punch himself out of a paper bag. He punched me square in the jaw. I laughed and told him to be careful I almost dropped my bagel. He punched me one more time before the cop I had seen over their shoulders got the cuffs on him. They spent the night in the drunk tank. I went home and slept like a baby.

I was really lucky. I have always been a big guy. You would think that little guys would not pick on the bigger ones but thats not necessarily the case. Its like you grow up but nobody notices. I went from being a little husky to just plain big. My bully was a kid I knew from 6th grade when I was more fat than muscle. We definitely need teachers and parents to step in for those kids that can't or just don't want to stand up to their bullies.

[BPelizabeth]

Thank you so much for your posts. This is a parenting issue most definetly but the fact it has not been dealt with at a school level is quite frankly illegal. I first and foremost started with the parents. However that did not work as their child is clearly a "golden" child and would NEVER do that. I even had the hubby take over with them.....yea no ...still one hundred and one excuses. Then the teacher....then the principle...still no help and all the while it had turned very physical.

I agree with you that have been bullied as I had been as well and it sticks with you forever. Sometimes it does indeed make you stronger but kids are actually comitting suicide over issues like this. Schools always say they have a zero policy.....but what are those policies and procedures?? If you cannot speak to them.....then you do not have them....plain and simple!!!

I know that ppl that are different tend to get picked on. I think with Tristen it is definetly a jealousy thing. He fits in....he was one of the "cool" kids, but he also is an only child that has been blessed with an amazing life. Read into that what you will....basically...hes spoiled. But not a brat and has always been taught do NOT brag about what you have and always share your blessings.

I have a meeting in a few minutes with the district superintendant in regards to the situation. We will see from there. I am definetly NOT sending him to that school next year and have already targeted a great charter school for him for next year. However depending on the outcome of these meetings....he may be ending sooner than later.

As for Tristen he is in a mixed martial arts program that is amazing. They have really embraced his situation. It teaches him self defense, confidence, respect and it also gives him a release for his frustrations.

[dragonboy4578]

I have personally been on both sides of this type of situation. It started by me being bullied. I was push, slapped, beat, and teased to no end until I could no longer take the abuse. At that point I just snapped, and started to fight back. The biggest problem with this was that it felt so good to be standing up for myself I found myself behaving exactly as those that I felt wronged me. I was truly torn with my behavior, but with some outside help I came to realize that I did have self worth and did not have to treat others badly to make myself feel better. I am truly sorry for the individuals that I bullied, and have managed to apologize to most of them. While many feel that bulling is part of life it is not acceptable in any way. If there is no stand made against bulling by changes in school policies the cycle will just continue.

[maverickgtr]

I was never physically bullied but I did go through a period of emotional abuse from people I called friends in middle school. It took me a while to get over the emotional abuse. But I separated myself from them, and ignored them. Physical abuse isn't so easy as just separate them I don't think. I could ignore them saying things, but someone pulling out hair or scratching faces is much harder to ignore. It's stunning that when a child is bleeding from scratches on their face or arms that the teachers ignored it. When I was in elementary, middle and high school, there were always at least three teachers in all areas where students congregated before/after school to avoid fights, vandalism and bullying, but I didn't go to school in the best areas so it was expected. I wish you the best of luck speaking to the Assistant Superintendent! Suggest that the schools keep teachers outside until students leave to supervise if you get another chance to speak to someone in charge.