Calling all Mothers

[littleindiangirl]

Being another 22 year old woman, I can honestly say that everyone I know from my highschool that had a child in the last year is not going to school, and working part time, and feel like they missed out on their good years.

I feel for them, they say having a child is awesome, but 100% of the time they say that they wish they had: "protection, waited, alternative" because they are missing living the most definitive years of their life. Their 20's! Finishing school, exploring the world, doing all of those fun things that people in their twenties do!

I do not want children so it is different for me. I want to do something with my life that does not involve children or marriage, so I cannot speak on the same wavelength. If you would like a child, I suggest waiting until both of you have a good steady full-time job. Money will be tight, but children are worth it.

[Jay_Bunny]

My fiance and I have discussed the subject of us not being legally married and only I will have legal right over any children we have. We will have a hard time with it but it is something we will have to deal with when it comes. I'm not going to put my life on hold for the GOVERNMENT to make up its mind. If it was legal for us to be married, we would have been married last year.

As for legal rights over the children, is there anyway I can "give" legal rights to my fiance? We have already decided that when we have children, if for any reason, we decide to seperate, that my fiance will still have visitation rights. The law may not understand, but I do.

By the time I'm actually starting to look into getting pregnant, I won't have any debt. The only debt I have is a credit card which I can actually pay off as of my 21st b-day. Other than that, I have no debt. The car is paid off, rent is paid on time every month, no problem, and I don't have any school debt since all my classes have been at a community college where you pay before you take the class. So as of May, I will be debt free.

(Oh and I didn't answer this before. Yes, I am willing to put my life on hold because as I see it, I don't have any big plans for my life right now. I know what I want to be in life and I will work for that. I know a child will slow that down or even stop it for a time but ultimately, I can still be want I want to be in life if I have a child. I just can't be it right here, right now, and I'm ok with that.)

[Texas Dan]

Job:
As for a job, I have been in the same job for almost 2 years. It doesn't pay all that well, but I make enough to pay for everything I need to pay for and also set some aside for hobbies and savings.

Education:
I have stopped taking classes at college for the time being but plan to start taking classes online in the Fall.

Travel:
I rarely travel. I used to go places all the time but I don't have the urge to travel as much anymore. My fiance and I don't go on vacation that often (our last trip was in October and we went to New York for the weekend.) I can live without vacation since I'm not used to it anyway. I am content to be at home.

Partying:
This is something I do not do. My fiance likes to go out to clubs on a very rare occasion but that's all. As for alcohol, we hardly drink. The occasional glass of wine is good for me. And I don't smoke. I'm not into going out at night and partying the night away. Its just not me. I'm that kind of person that likes to stay at home and care for my animals.

^ Just a few tid-bits I thought I'd throw in. As for taking care of a baby for a weekend, the only person we know that has a baby is a long drive away and her baby is almost 2. (She had a baby at 18)

You can live without a vacation, because you don't need a vacation. When you have a kid, you will beg for a vacation. I don't have any children, but like I said, I have many friends with children.

Unless you don't have any friends, anything else you care about. 21 is too young. You keep saying you're not to young, just wondering what the problem is then? I mean, you already know you're not too young, you say you have the money and time to do it. I'm not real sure what the question is here.

When you're 20 asking whether or not you should have a child, id' say 80% of the level headed people you ask are going to say you are two young.

2 years at a job is hardly a career, it's just a job. I'm not going off here, I just hate seeing young parents struggling because they thought they could do it.

Here's a thought, something I will certainly do before I decide. Go look at baby food, clothes diapers and what-not at the store. Add up how much that will cost per day, then add up how much "extra" money you have for hobbies and what-not.

Why did you make Government in all caps? Is there a reason you can't get married, you don't mind telling us?

[LadyOhh]

Why did you make Government in all caps? Is there a reason you can't get married, you don't mind telling us?

She mentioned that in a previous post about her Fiance...

[Jay_Bunny]

Uh yea, I can't get married because I'm in a same-sex relationship. Even if I had the ceremony and we exchanged rings, said our I-Do's the government still would not recognize my fiance as my partner and my fiance would not have legal rights over our children.

And I was not asking whether I SHOULD have children. I was asking for advice, suggestions, and experiences. I like hearing what others have to say and in this instance, parents. I would like to know what parents have to say about having their first child. What was it like? Whether I have a child or not is purely my decision and no one on here can sway me one way or the other. I'm not saying I'm going out today to get pregnant, but I am starting the researching process and this is one of my ways of getting a few things answered. I believe myself to be a mature individual and I'm not about to go out and do something stupid. I want to have as much information at my disposal as possible and get some opinions, suggestions, and advice along the way.

I appreciate your reply, but I would like to be considered a mature adult before someone gives me their advice.

[missi182]

I have read all the advice that has been given and it ALL makes sense. I have reoccuring dreams about having a baby, and I have had them for over 2 years. But there is no way I will be having one now, or for quite a while. I am still in college, not financially stable, and have only been with my boyfriend for a year. So a baby is out of the question and we are very careful about keeping it that way for now.

I wish you the best of luck with this very sensitive situation you have and no matter what happens, I wish you and your fiance happiness and prosperity! I understand the urge and it is a very complicated feeling to evaluate.

[Texas Dan]

I tried to edit a bunch of spelling/grammar mistakes, but they already happened. Sorry.

I must have skipped over that (fiance) somehow.. Hmm, sorry about that. Thought I had read the entire thread.

[missi182]

Oh, you could come to Canada and get married Will your marriage be honered in the US if you do that?

[firebellied]

Hi Jay_Bunny!

I'm a father to a BEAUTIFUL baby girl, who is going to be 4 on Friday. I was 26 when she was born & my wife was 28.

We were engaged at the time, bought our first house, and within a month of being there we found out that we were expecting our little Princess!

We were getting married in the October, so within 7 months we had a baby & Wed....Hhhmmmm, pretty stressful!

The month before our Wedding our daughter contracted Meningitis & we very nearly lost her...Words cannot describe the pain we went through, but I'm pleased to say that within 4 months she was given a full & clean bill of health!

Unfortunately, my wife & I are currently seperated & I'm missing them both like crazy!

I think the problem is, we never had the chance to seal our relationship properly, within 2 years (although we've known eachother for a lot longer), we got together, bought a house, had a baby & got married........We didn't give ourselves a chance to appreciate & enjoy eachother for what we are for long enough before becoming "Mum & Dad".

I wouldn't change it for the world as we've been blessed with our daughter who is the most precious thing in our lives, but a little longer in our "Honeymoon" period would of been nice!

As for the cost....How long is a piece of string????

It does mount up......FAST!!!

Forget the nappies (sorry, diapers ), formula, clothes, medication, childcare etc....You also have the added expense & worry of getting your home & transportation ready & childproof.

You sound to me like you are very level-headed and the fact that you even started this thread shows how much and how seriously you are thinking about this......And only you and your fiancee will know when the time is right!

It's a long hard struggle...Financially, mentally, physically & can put strain on relationships.......BUT THE END RESULT IS WORTH IT ALL!!!!!

Good luck Jay...You'll be fine!!!!

Steve. x

[Jay_Bunny]

I'm not sure. Canada doesn't sound to bad anyway. We've actually been considering moving there since it would be easier on us legally. Would it be hard to move up there from the US? I know that moving to Europe would be hard but what kind of things would we have to do to move to Canada. What kind of legal stuff would we have to go through?