Unsure about my G/F coming to my work

[Vomitore]

So the girl I'm dating lives about 2 hours from me. We see each other quite a bit though. Anywhere from 3-5 times a week. Anyways she's gonna come down to my area and when we first started seeing each other I invited her to see where I work since the hotel she was staying at was less then a mile from my work. Well, she didn't come in. The guys here have questioned me about if I've been seeing someone and I've said she's just a friend. Well, when I get texts and phones calls from her my face lights up of course.

My problem is the guys here will drill me about things. I don't kiss and tell and I know that they get pretty explicit and I know hearing all this will tick me off. And no matter what, I'll hear it for awhile. So I'm thinking I should tell her exactly how the guys are and the reason why I think it would be best to not come in. She's also one to not mix work and life together. I know I have nothing to worry about since I haven't told em anything that has happened between us. What do you guys think?

[Freakie_frog]

RESPECT!!!!

Thats what you need to demand when it comes to your friends and coworkers action/comments towards her.

[dr del]

Yup.


You can't stop them talking that way about their own significant others but you can sure as heck make it clear they can't do it about yours.


dr del

[AzureN1ght]

I don't know your girl personally, so I don't know how she feels about it. I'd be offended if my boyfriend told his coworkers that I was "just a friend" and didn't want me to come into his work because he was afraid of some ribbing. I guess it depends on where you work, too. Is it a casual environment or an office-type setting?

My boyfriend works for Aetna in their Network Operations Center, it's a officey, professional-type environment and he doesn't really talk about his personal life at work (he's told me as much). While in some ways I understand that, I've been pretty irritated that he doesn't want a picture of me on his desk. He doesn't hide from coworkers that I'm his girlfriend, though...and I talk to him while he's at work on the phone.

We're long-distance, too (2 hours, like you and your girl)--and because of the hours he works, I haven't been in a position to visit him at work. Considering he needs a magnetic pass to get into the building and I'd have to be on a "list" with Security to even get into the building, I don't know if either he or I would want to go through the hassle for me to actually visit him at work.

So I guess I'm mixed about it. As a woman, I know if I were in the situation you described, I'd be terribly offended. On the other hand, in spite of my irritation about it, I don't press the issue with my boyfriend, who doesn't want a picture of me on his desk. It's a conundrum. I have no idea if what I related helps at all

[Shadowspider]

I'd be offended too if my b/f (although I'm married) told everyone I was "just a friend".
The problem with that is that you're basically lying. It's not about "kissing and telling", that's completely different. If your friends ask you if you're seeing someone and you say "we're only friends" if, in fact you are more than "only friends", you're lying and opening yourself for a world of crap from not only your coworkers, but also your g/f. If they ask you if you're sleeping with her, that's different *that* would be "kissing and telling" and is no one's business other than your own.

Girls *like* to know that we are *not* "just friends"; we like to know/think that we are more special than that. That doesn't mean we're the kiss and tell type but from a woman's perspective, to say that, especially if it's *not* true, is very disrespectful and cowardly.

If your friends/coworkers want to know if you're seeing someone, tell them "yeah, I am". If they start asking you pointed questions about your relationship tell them "it's none of your business, go get a life".
If you ask your g/f to not come into your work because you don't want your coworkers asking *her* questions and getting lude, that's one thing, but if you don't want her to come in because you've not been honest and her presence will blow your story (which is what it sounds like to me), you're in trouble and no, I would *NOT* discuss that with her. Maybe she doesn't mind being thought of as "just a friend" but if I were your g/f, you'd be in the dog house honey for caring more about yourself and not being a man in the face of your coworkers and simply telling them to mind their own business and not giving me the respect and consideration that I deserve.

[Blu Mongoose]

Simply put, more people will respect you for being honest about your relationship. As far as kiss and tell, let them know it is none of their business and stick to your guns. You will garner a lot more respect.

You aren't the first one to be ribbed about a relationship. It only hurts a wee bit.
Cowboy up and stand by your girl!

[Vomitore]

I don't know your girl personally, so I don't know how she feels about it. I'd be offended if my boyfriend told his coworkers that I was "just a friend" and didn't want me to come into his work because he was afraid of some ribbing. I guess it depends on where you work, too. Is it a casual environment or an office-type setting?

My boyfriend works for Aetna in their Network Operations Center, it's a officey, professional-type environment and he doesn't really talk about his personal life at work (he's told me as much). While in some ways I understand that, I've been pretty irritated that he doesn't want a picture of me on his desk. He doesn't hide from coworkers that I'm his girlfriend, though...and I talk to him while he's at work on the phone.

We're long-distance, too (2 hours, like you and your girl)--and because of the hours he works, I haven't been in a position to visit him at work. Considering he needs a magnetic pass to get into the building and I'd have to be on a "list" with Security to even get into the building, I don't know if either he or I would want to go through the hassle for me to actually visit him at work.

So I guess I'm mixed about it. As a woman, I know if I were in the situation you described, I'd be terribly offended. On the other hand, in spite of my irritation about it, I don't press the issue with my boyfriend, who doesn't want a picture of me on his desk. It's a conundrum. I have no idea if what I related helps at all

Well, I just said she's just a friend cause they sorta knew something was up, and made some really rude nasty comments. And at the time, she was just a friend. We had only seen each other twice. So I wouldn't say she's my g/f. Since then, things has changed. So when I said she's just a friend, they backed off. It's not an office space it's a total "guy" place.

So my biggest problem is my boss' son who has made some VERY nasty comments about women, his ex-g/f and one of my cousin's. I've asked him to stop, and he doesnt. This isn't a "normal" work place by any means. I thought about just telling them yes, I'm seeing a girl, be cool. That's why I made my thread to get some points of view. Also, she's a very private person and only a few people know we are together.

[Shadowspider]

Ahhh, if your workplace is the typical bar/construction site/swimming pool/male hormone raging type of place and she's a private person who would likely NOT take kindly to "manly men" commenting on her THO, how she wiggles and if she calls you "master" in the wee hours.... let her know about "the guys at work" and that you'd reeeeealllly rather not take her, butt first, into the lion's den.
She should be able to hang with that.

[Vomitore]

Ahhh, if your workplace is the typical bar/construction site/swimming pool/male hormone raging type of place and she's a private person who would likely NOT take kindly to "manly men" commenting on her THO, how she wiggles and if she calls you "master" in the wee hours.... let her know about "the guys at work" and that you'd reeeeealllly rather not take her, butt first, into the lion's den.
She should be able to hang with that.

Yeah that's what my concern was. If it was a normal place where people can get in trouble for rude comments, I would have no problem of her coming in. BUT hearing comments all the time as "All women are whore's" gets annoying and old. But of course my counter reply is "The only way a girl can be a whore is if there's a willing man. So how does it make it ok for guys?"

[frankykeno]

Good for you for speaking up to that kind of talk Mike. It's just guys spouting off and likely talking about it more than they are getting it but it's not really something you'd want to expose your lady to. Why invite her into any environment where she'd be treated like that. As long as she knows you'd love her to visit, the option is there but how most of the guys you work with are...she'll likely choose to not bother to visit anyway...I know I sure wouldn't.