Family Matters...

[TheAudOne]

So here's the deal, I dont have the closest most living relationship with my folks, or any family member aside from 2 Grandmothers that I adore.
Well since we welcomed our BP's into our lives my family has been a little less then happy about it. They have made remarks like "well your really pushing everyone away" "hope you didnt want us to come over" and the more hurtful ones like "you know there dangerous, there going to get out at night and strangle the baby" (there full of it, obviously...and uneducated) In the same token its hard for your friends and family to not have this passion and love for some I consider fun and something I will most likely do for life now. There making me feel pretty bad about things latly, its hard to face the world and know some people are going to think of you as a less than perfect mom, but when actual family members think I am putting my daughter in any sort of harms way...well that cuts like a knife.

God knows I know better, but how can I make someone who doesnt want to learn the truth, has no interest in them and only see's the worst in every situation understand that our BP collection and possible breeding is actually something we are doing for ourselves and our daughter. I like to think of how lucky little Raigen is to be in the world or Bp's and breeding and everything else that goes along with it, and how lucky I am to have met you all on here. And hope most of us will be around each other for awhile.

So let me know, what should I have them read...I'm hopig for a title like "no child has ever been killed by a ball python" but I think that might be a bit much lol.

Thanks guys.

[Sinsation]

Wow! So I'm not the only one who faces these things. When we got our first snake I heard the same thing from my mom, she refused to walk in my house. I came to a point where I realize that some truely like to remain ignorant so they have a reason to critisize.

Now, I warn people before they come in my home, hey I have snakes and most likely one of the kids will bring one out, so be warned. Ive learned 2 things with this method. Some people truley will make an effort to learn about them. My friend was terrified when she first seen our snake, now when she comes over she goes right to her favorite one and plucks him out. Other people will pop there head in and if someone has a snake out they leave. To each their own.


I try to educate people to dispel a fear that they are man eating beasts. We went to my youngest daughters 2nd grade class for show and tell. Some of the kids and the teacher were scared. But it's amazing after answering their questions and them seeing the other children touch and enjoy the snake how all their views changed. Only 1 child in a class of 29 didn't want to touch him.


Really you will either be able to educate them or you won't but remind them that dogs and cats are more prone to hurt your daughter than your snakes are. Id be glad to send you some pics of my lil 7 year old toting around some of our larger BP's

[JLC]

God knows I know better, but how can I make someone who doesnt want to learn the truth, has no interest in them and only see's the worst in every situation understand that our BP collection and possible breeding is actually something we are doing for ourselves and our daughter. I like to think of how lucky little Raigen is to be in the world or Bp's and breeding and everything else that goes along with it, and how lucky I am to have met you all on here. And hope most of us will be around each other for awhile.

So let me know, what should I have them read...I'm hopig for a title like "no child has ever been killed by a ball python" but I think that might be a bit much lol.

Thanks guys.

I highlighted the key words of your thoughts. If someone is truly like that, then it doesn't matter how educated YOU are, or how many studies you show them. They are deadset on believing/saying/acting however they wish for their own agenda and there's not much you can do about it except...

....just shake your head and say very quietly, "I'm sorry you feel that way. It's wrong. And if you ever choose to open your mind and realize how selfish and unreasonable you are being, I'll be here with open arms and an open home."

And after that...you just have to let them make their own choices. You can't force it on them.

I think for many of us in this hobby, there is going to be some huge area of compromise and pain. For you, its an extended family that won't understand or accept, and really doesn't care except that they can use it as yet another means to be critical of you. But you have a husband that supports your passion and partners with you in this exciting endeavor. For me...I have a loving extended family that thinks the whole snake-thing is weird, but they don't have any problems or criticisms about it. But I have a husband who is completely uncomfortable with it and therefore I can (at this time and for the foreseeable future) just barely scratch the surface of the passions I want to pursue.

Focus on your blessings.

[hoo-t]

My parents' thoughts on my snakes was less than stellar as well. They're not too concerned about the snakes and my toddler, though. My toddler (son) is 20 years old, and has as many snakes as I do! My daughter is 17, and is the owner of our first ball python. As for my dad, I put it to him in the language that he understands, $$$. "Dad, this is a pastel. He will hopefully make a lot of babies in the spring that will sell for between $300 and $800 each, maybe more. This one's a spider, and his babies will sell for around $1200. If I put the spider with a pastel, I could possibly end up with a $5000 snake...." I'm not sure they really understand it yet, but they are coming around. It just takes time. My dad grew up in a time and place where snakes were baad news, out in the Texas/Oklahoma panhandle. Lots of rattlesnakes. And snakes that ate the chickens and their eggs. "The only good snake is a dead snake" mentality. He actually held one of my snakes a couple weeks ago. My mom is somewhat phobic as well, which is kind of interesting, because her brother is just the opposite. He was in town about a week ago, and came to my house to see the snakes. He called me a couple days later to tell me how much he enjoyed seeing them.

One thing that is amazing to see is when an adult herpiphobe sees a small child who is unafraid of a snake touching, petting, and holding a snake, a lot of times the adult's fears start to melt away.

Have lots of patience and utilize gentle education.
Good luck!!!
Steve

[jknudson]

I know what you mean about the family issues...my mother in particular never warmed up to the idea of having snakes in the house. For the sake of free rent, and a peaceful household I sold 4 of my 5 ball pythons, keeping just one of my normal females.

The thing that bugs me about the issue is that there is not a reason that she does not like snakes, just that she "doesn't like them", and the fact that she thought they would get out of my rack for them. I didn't think it was very fair of her, but I did get to keep one...so I guess it was a compromise, I'll be out on my own soon enough hopefully, so I'll amass a few more BPs once again.

It's your household, I'd just keep doing your herp thang and ignore their crazy ideas that your snakes are dangerous or evil.

[Thunder Kat]

Most people belive that the norm pet is a cat or dog, as menition above are more likely to harm you than your bp. Just keep reminding your self that your children will grow up in a more open minded home than you. They will also have a much needed respect for all sorts of living things (not just the norm animals), which is hard to find. I belive you're doing right but thats just my opinion.

[Jeanne]

I too have been put into this train of thought and situation by two of my own sisters. I put my foot down and told them that if they have issues with my reptiles, it is thier issue and not mine, to try to understand and be respectful of me and my animals if/when they come around, or do not come around at all. For me, it was that simple, take me as I am...or, not at ALL!

One of my sisters involved, still wont come around, and thats fine, I dont need her here being scared, acting stupid and making even more stupid comments regarding my reptile collection... such as "oh, it is scarey, kill it, it deserves to die,it is dangerous to your kids, its just a -insert comment here-".

My other sister, well, thankfully, she has come around on her way of thinking. She will even handle most of my reptiles.

To me it is as simple as this..."get over my reptiles, act like the adult you are suppose to be, grow up" or dont come around.

[TekWarren]

My mother in law doesn't like my snakes...for a while she wouldn't even go in the room but she does now. She will even try and peek through the tubs at the snakes sometimes. My family (mom, brother, step-dad, etc) almost always have to stop over whenever they hear I have something new. My (real) dad and his brothers where always all about plants and animals. My dad has been working with plants for as long as I can remember. The only person I can single out that absolutely HATES snakes is my grandpa, if I find even a little garter snake and bring it up to his house he has to turn away and close his eyes...that's not to say I force snakes on him if he's outside and I know it I won't bring it up. Most of my family is pretty open, many of them don't want the animals out but are geniunely interested in what I do with them. I don't force anyone to touch or look at anything they don't want to. I've a few rare priveledges of people dealthly affraid of snakes...even one women who had been wrapped up by one of her friends large boas (not sure of the whole situation). Anway she came up to my wife and I one day and asked us to hold one of the balls, although much smaller she explained how big of a step she was taking just to walk over to us...much less take the animal in her hands. Awesome to help someone like that make a step towards changing their fears into respect.

Anyway, I don't know what to tell you about your family. It sounds down right mean the things they are saying. I wouldn't give any of it up myself, but then I am not one to put up or participate in family drama.

[Ginevive]

That is just sad. It's really out-of-line for them to tell you how to live your life. There are so many bad ways to be spending money/time; they should be supportive of your hobby. I would kindly write them a letter saying all this, including of course, cute pics of the snakes w/ the kids, in pics that show they're harmness. So many people think that every snake out there is a rattler or a viper.

[TekWarren]

There are so many bad ways to be spending money/time; they should be supportive of your hobby.

Excellent point.