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  1. #11
    BPnet Senior Member dakski's Avatar
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    Re: Thoughts on Re-Homing a Bad Fit

    I just posted the following on Toref's thread:

    "Well, Toref is getting a new home. Or, should I say, Torefet! Turns out Toref/Torefet was a girl. That may have been part the problem as the females are known for being more skittish.

    Old enough to sex now anyway.

    I had bought Torefet from the my friend who owns a killer reptile store. The breeder, his buddy, came in and spoke to me for a while, and specializes in dwarf monitors. I thought I had it covered.

    I gave Torefet back to the shop owner last night. He offered me credit or money. I said I don't want anything except a promise that you either give her back to the breeder, or find the best home possible and do not just sell her to anyone. He agreed. The shop owner is a standup guy who's been doing this for 20 years.

    Of course when he took Torefet out of her carrying container, she peed on him, repeatedly! Multiple times! He was surprised, but amused.

    For the record, I know I did the best for Torefet, but also recognize that this wasn't the best fit. Katie cemented it for me and gave me an out while still keeping my chin up, so did many on this forum.

    Every animal I have is interesting, but all are handleable and not a threat to me. Torefet was pushing it to begin with, but turned out much more interesting than handleable, interactive, or even a display animal. I need to stick to my philosophy that if my niece (8) can't handle it, I shouldn't keep it."


    Part of Katie's thought process with Torefet was that she didn't want my final reptile (at least for a while) to be something I was disappointed with. For now anyway, 13 reptiles is the limit (which I both respect and agreed to, so no hating). So, I'm down to 12. I have been bugging Katie for a Boa morph I've always wanted and Jeff Ronne, the Boaphile, has a few that I can pick from. Also, Bogertophis, I did hold an incredibly calm Trans-Pecos rat snake juvenile (6 months old or so) at the reptile store. Awesome animal, but not sure yet what direction I want to go.

    Toref's old cage has a climbing stick and is a 4X2X1.5' Boaphile tank. I can either put something there, or move Shayna (BP) into there and have a free 6X2X1' (overkill for her by far).

    I could also get a lizard that needs UV because the 4X2X1.5' has bulbs, if I want them.

    Honestly, I am leaning more towards another snake. Snakes have always been my first reptile love and if I have to flip the balance (6 and 6 right now, Snakes and Lizards), probably would be a snake. Also, in general, snakes are much less work. They do not need daily cleaning and interaction or feeding like most lizards. Getting another animal would hopefully simplify things a little at this point (well as much as adding an animal can).

    Thank you again to everyone here for their thoughtful responses and for helping me move on without guilt or feeling like a quitter.

    I'll keep everyone up to speed on what direction I go. Stay tuned.

  2. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to dakski For This Useful Post:

    Alicia (10-04-2019),Bogertophis (10-04-2019),cletus (10-04-2019),richardhind1972 (10-04-2019),Sonny1318 (11-04-2019)

  3. #12
    BPnet Veteran cletus's Avatar
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    Re: Thoughts on Re-Homing a Bad Fit

    Srry to hear he isnt working out. Ultimately if you arent enjoying the animal it might be best to move on. He is such a cool monitor! I know this cant be easy.

    Sent from my SM-N975U using Tapatalk

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to cletus For This Useful Post:

    dakski (10-04-2019)

  5. #13
    Telling it like it is! Stewart_Reptiles's Avatar
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    When you struggle with a Pet the best thing you can do for that pet is do right by him and re-home him, it's not easy but in the end it's what's best for the animal and yourself, having issues with an animal in the long term leads to loss of passion, resentment etc

    Is it easy? No, But is it best? Yes
    Deborah Stewart

  6. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Stewart_Reptiles For This Useful Post:

    bcr229 (11-04-2019),Bogertophis (10-04-2019),dakski (10-04-2019)

  7. #14
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    I had tried to rehome my leo because I did not think I was a good fit for him (I think of weird things sometimes). I had asked around, posted ads on classifieds and rescue websites. I even asked for help from the Department of Wildlife who has amnesty days throughout the state, and who supposedly go through a grueling application process to be approved as an adopter. After speaking with numerous potential adopters, I gave up. The last one from the state sound promising until he was a no-show.

    It is not like my leo was mean or a difficult feeder, I just thought I was not giving him the best home, because no matter how much time I spent on taming him, he was just so shy. Maybe I did not spend enough time with him, I thought? It was a long process with very little response, and among those responses, many people that I thought were pretty shady or wholly unprepared for the long term responsibility. For a lizard like yours, if you are to rehome him, do your due diligence to ensure he goes to a home that you want him to be in. It may be even more difficult to find the right person for your lizard but doable. Just don't give in and keep looking. Talk to some breeders who may want to keep him or know a client who is looking for one.

    I know you want to stay with snakes but.... Your cage sounds perfect for a blue tongue skink (Yea I'm a sucker for them). They can't climb well so height is not a huge factor, they do bask sometimes, and the adults only need to be fed once a week (babies are fed every other day but they grow fast). They are fun to watch. Sleeps most of the day, curious, loves to eat and responds when someone goes into their cage. They like to do their own thing but does not mind being handled or petted. And the tongue color is gorgeous.

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Cheesenugget For This Useful Post:

    dakski (10-04-2019),o.r hill (11-05-2019)

  9. #15
    Registered User SunshineWalker's Avatar
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    As you all know I have been largely MIA with health issues over the past month, but I wanted to come back to this post and thank everyone that was supportive of Dakski during this time period.

    I just got to the point where I saw this animal being so frustrating to him. I am used to him telling me about this animal shed or that animal did x/y cute thing. But honestly I wasn't hearing him say much positive about Toref. He seemed overwhelmed, and very frustrated with her, and I honestly felt bad because we had planned for her to be the last reptile. He had really wanted another BOA, but I wasn't keen on the idea of another large snake at the time, and so I think he rather settled for her.

    Anyways, I think you guys all helped him a lot in his decision. I knew for sure that he was feeling all the things I thought, when he asked me to head to the reptile store only a few days after our initial discussion about it.

    Dakski reported to me that he saw Toref at the store the other day and she is doing really well. The shop owner is really enjoying her, and he may end up keeping her. Or he might find a good home for her too. I'm glad that we were able to put her in a safe situation, and that she is really being enjoyed by shop owner and customers at the moment.

    So again thank you all for the support and helping Dakski see that everything would be OKAY if he made this decision.

  10. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to SunshineWalker For This Useful Post:

    Alicia (11-04-2019),bcr229 (11-03-2019),Bogertophis (11-03-2019),dakski (11-04-2019),o.r hill (11-05-2019),richardhind1972 (11-04-2019),Sonny1318 (11-04-2019)

  11. #16
    Registered User Bogertophis's Avatar
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    Sometimes we just have the wrong "chemistry" with either the specific animal, or the type of animal. It happens, & Dakski made the right decision for both.
    It's nice that he's able to check on Toref & that she's in good hands too.
    Last edited by Bogertophis; 11-03-2019 at 11:23 PM.
    Many friends in low places...

  12. #17
    Registered User Bogertophis's Avatar
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    No matter how much we love animals, it's OK to consider our own needs too...
    Many friends in low places...

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Bogertophis For This Useful Post:

    dakski (11-04-2019)

  14. #18
    BPnet Senior Member dakski's Avatar
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    Re: Thoughts on Re-Homing a Bad Fit

    Quote Originally Posted by Bogertophis View Post
    No matter how much we love animals, it's OK to consider our own needs too...
    Thank you Bogertophis.

    I do not believe it's selfish to take care of ourselves SO we can take care of others.

    That's not the same as always doing what we want or putting ourselves first in the majority of situations.

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to dakski For This Useful Post:

    Bogertophis (11-04-2019),o.r hill (11-05-2019)

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