The most interesting story you will ever read.

[Quantum Constrictors]

A Tale of Zepherox.

Twas' not long ago when a man by the name of Zepherox rose to the top and saved the world from the all mighty and evil Lord Roklor. I shall tell you the tell my good friends so please grab your ale and take a seat.


*December 15th, in the town of Rockfall.*

It was unsually cold for the month of December. A layer of fluffy snow lay on the ground as the bright morning sun rises. A flocknor flys over head whistling a tune. In the distance a slight rumbeling can be heard. Like the hoofs of a thousand mighty beasts hitting the ground. Zepherox awakens suddenly shooting out of bed and leaping towards his sheathed sword laying on his desk across the room. He attaches the sheath to his belt and runs out the front door.

Zepherox squinting from the morning sun looks around to see that there is no one in sight. The rumbling growing ever so louder. Zepherox runs over to a hut on the opposite side of the road and knocks frantically at the door. A man in his late 50's opens the door and says " What is it boy!". Zepherox with anxiety in his voice says " Where is your daughter Jenni? ". " Jenni went out not twenty minutes ago to go find some food. What is it that you need" Zepherox doesnt answer and runs quickly south towards the great forest.

Panting Zepherox finds hoof prints in the fresh snow along with many foot prints. Frantically looking around Zepherox finds a torn peice of blue fabric laying behind a stump. He remembers that Jenni's winter scarf is blue. This can mean only one thing. Clenching the piece of blue fabric Zepherox hears the sound of crunching snow behind him. Zepherox twirls un-sheathing his sword and stops with sword pointed at a goblins throat.

The goblin shrieks " If you want Jenni back then you must fight for her". Zepherox snarls " Who took her!" The goblin laughs and says " The mighty death Lord Roklor ". As the r is rolling off the goblins disgusting tongue he vanishes into thin air. Zepherox slowly sheaths his sword falling to his knees. He clenches the fabric and lets out a might yell.

Hurrying back to the village Zepherox sees Jenni's father sitting out side his hut in an old rickety rocking chair. "What is it boy!". " Jenni has been captured by Roklor" Zepherox turns away as the old man goes to say something but the old man stops him self and goes back to rocking his chair. Zepherox goes back inside his hut and starts to put his armour on. As he finishes putting his gear on he picks up a letter off his desk. A letter written by his mother and father before they were executed by Roklor for treason.

Zepherox tucks the letter inside his pocket and walks out the front door of his hut. The rumbling is getting louder and it starts to worry him even more. Zepherox starts to run, weaving between huts and hurdling over barrels. Once outside of his village he takes a trail that leads to the mountin ridge where he can take a path that goes from the top of the ridge to the bottom to where the city of Haven is. Approching the ridge the rumbling sound gets louder and louder. He can start to see smoke and fire. Running to the edge of the ridge Zepherox can see that the town of Haven has been ransacked. Looking further out into the horizon he feels a tingle run down his spine. He freezes in place.


Thats all for now folks!!! If you want more comment below

Hope you liked it!

( All credit goes to me Joey Davidson Aka reptiliachnids )

[Quantum Constrictors]

Anyone? I was actually thinking about starting my own book. I love to escape through my stories a write. I actually wrote that one up there today. Like its brand new haha and will write more if any one is interested.

[SnakeKittyFishy]

Shoot, I'd love to hear more! My fiancee started playing Skyrim and this reminded me of it lol Let your creativity flow

[Quantum Constrictors]

Thanks! I will get on another one tonight. Its usually when I am bored and have nothing to do when my creativity juices flow.

[kayrussell]

I was getting so excited to hear the rest then there was none left! more more!!

[Quantum Constrictors]

Looking over the ridge Zepherox can see the Death Lord Himself sitting on a throne made of bones and skulls. The throne floating 50 feet above the ground is obviously using some kind of dark magic. Zepherox starts to run as fast and as hard as he can down the path on the side of the ridge. With only a third of the way down the ridge Zepherox sees 3 medium build goblins with light armour on running his way with swords and maces drawn. Zepherox builds up speed running down the ridge closing the gap he pushes off the ground with a mighty leap and unsheathes his sword bringing the blade down the base of the first goblins neck and decapitating him. Zepherox lands with a roll and springs to his feet 10 feet behind the last two goblins. The goblins turn around and charge Zepherox.

The goblin on the right swings his mace nearly missing Zepherox's temple. Zepherox ducks and sweeps his leg and takes out the goblins feet and stabs the goblin in the stomach on its way to the ground. The remaining goblin throws his short sword at Zepherox in a desperate attempt to get away, the sword goes far right but still manages to skim Zepherox's left arm leaving a inch deep cut. Zepherox barely flinches and fully charges towards the goblin and trips him with his sword sending the goblin off the side of the ridge.

Zepherox rips off a piece of one of the goblins under shirts and wraps it around his left arm. He then sheaths his sword and continues to run the last third of the path. Finally reaching the town of Haven he can still see the Death Lords throne but everything is quiet and there is no one in sight. He takes back alleys and darts around houses and over various obstacles. He is almost directly under the throne and still no one in sight.

All the sudden a bright flash of white appears in front of him. Its Jenni, she is tied up and bruised. She sees Zepherox and starts crying. Zepherox runs over to her and goes to untie her but his hands go right through her. He hears a evil laugh behind him. "Wonderful isnt it? Dark magic is a beautiful thing is it not Zepherox?". " What you see there is a holo it is nothing but a image being projected using dark magic to this location." Zepherox unsheathes his sword and points it towards the Death Lord. All the Death Lord can do is laugh " You think your little toys can defeat me? Think again!" Zepherox's sword turns into a black cloud that blows away in the wind. Zepherox in a angry furry charges the Death Lord and leaps towards him. Roklor raises his hand and 3 black balls of magic fly at Zepherox and land directly into his chest. Immense pain rushes through his body and he falls to the ground, he tries to get up but he can not.

Roklor bends over and whispers in his ear. "You will have to do better then that you pathetic beast!". "If you ever want to see your lovely girl friend again. Come and find me." In a grey puff of smoke the Death Lord vanishes into thin air and his throne starts to slowly disintegrates into the wind. Zepherox finally finds the strength to stagger to his feet. A door of one of the houses beside him slowly opens and a old man with a long white beard appears behind the door and starts to walk towards Zepherox. The old man extends and hand and places it on Zepherox helping him gain his balance. The old man says to Zepherox "Ah my boy. It has been many years since I have seen you last. Your father has left you something for me to take care of. He told me when the time is right to give it to you. I believe that time has come."


Dun dun dun!!! that's it for tonight everyone hope you enjoyed. Dont be afraid to comment on this thread.

If you wish for more comment below. If I dont see any comments then I will stop writing!

Thanks a lot everyone


(All credit goes to Joey Davidson AKA reptiliachnids)

[SnakeKittyFishy]

You still have my attention! Gah it's like watching a new tv show and having to wait to see the next episode instead of watching all the 'sodes at once on Netflix.... lmao

[Quantum Constrictors]

good glad to hear it! when ever I am finished I will turn it into one big thread. But for now its like a new episode daily

like I said I am totally writing this up as I go and i only get creative after 1 am so it give me something to do

[Mike41793]

It was a good read, i liked it.

The only constructive criticism i would give is that it felt a bit choppy to me when you used too many directions or measurements. Like "south, 50 feet, 10 feet, man in his mid 50s". Instead of saying he headed south towards the forest you could just say he went towards the forest bc its a fictional story so i could personally care less which direction is which, i just wanna know what happens next lol. Instead of saying the throne was 50 feet high, say that the throne rose above the highest of the highest trees or something. Instead of a man in his mid 50s just say an older man or something. Idk if that makes any sense but it just felt slightly too technical for me. It sounds like youre retelling the story too me like an eyewitness account rather than letting the story just flow smoothly and almost tell itself.

If you werent looking for criticism, then disregard all of that lol.

[Rob]

Cool concept for a book. My advise would be to read more books written by accomplished authors and see how they polish up their ideas. Not bad for a draft, it does need a lot of polishing.