Behira - 2016 Female Ivory Ghost - First BCI

I wouldn't even talk to Katie about Behira, at least for a while. Don't even bring it up, none of this talking about 'things went so well' to Katie, Katie may just dig in her heels even more and push for getting rid of her. Give it time. Don't push anything, don't even talk about Behira. Clean, handle Behira and do your thing with her not involving Katie. If Katie goes and takes her out or does anything with her, great, but don't go on and on about it, it'll probably annoy Katie. Focus on the others, pretend Behira isn't there, she's not a bother, that kind of thing. Perhaps in time Katie will loosen up about it. If not, well, you'll need to rehome her. It's a sucky situation, I've been there and I've given up reptiles for SO before, it's never a good position to be in. I hope things work out.

popping in to say im following and i feel for you. good luck, friend. [emoji4][emoji177]

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Originally Posted by AbsoluteApril

I wouldn't even talk to Katie about Behira, at least for a while. Don't even bring it up, none of this talking about 'things went so well' to Katie, Katie may just dig in her heels even more and push for getting rid of her. Give it time. Don't push anything, don't even talk about Behira. Clean, handle Behira and do your thing with her not involving Katie. If Katie goes and takes her out or does anything with her, great, but don't go on and on about it, it'll probably annoy Katie. Focus on the others, pretend Behira isn't there, she's not a bother, that kind of thing. Perhaps in time Katie will loosen up about it. If not, well, you'll need to rehome her. It's a sucky situation, I've been there and I've given up reptiles for SO before, it's never a good position to be in. I hope things work out.

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AbsoluteApril, you make a good point. Leave it alone.

I do not believe this is going to come to me re-homing Behira. However, letting sleeping dogs lie for a while makes a lot of sense. She's obsessed with Solana, the baby Scaleless Corn; let her focus on her for a while.

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Originally Posted by tttaylorrr

popping in to say im following and i feel for you. good luck, friend. [emoji4][emoji177]

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Thanks Tttaylorrr! I appreciate it my sister from another mister. I figured you were following along. Thank you for the kind words and hopefully, this passes quickly and painlessly.

Had some fun with Behira today. She's doing great! She actually seems to enjoy being out, well, more than the other snakes.

Here are some fun pictures from today of my growing girl.


You cannot stop her, you can only hope to contain her!

[IMG]https://ball-pythons.net/forums/cach...om/mOLlaWY.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]https://ball-pythons.net/forums/cach...om/Vgsz5CR.jpg[/IMG]

Really? 30 seconds of freedom/leeway and she buried under blankets on the chair next to me! Seriously, I was watching her the whole time and made sure she didn't get into the mechanics of the chair.

[IMG]https://ball-pythons.net/forums/cach...om/KSJ4Z6X.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]https://ball-pythons.net/forums/cach...om/AvLCnfD.jpg[/IMG]

Wow, what a punch in the gut! I thought I was just going to browse a thread with some cool snake pics and then you dropped the bomb there.

SO's that don't love snakes as much as we do are a problem for many of us, but it sounds like you did everything you were supposed to do to educate her in advance how big Behira was going to get and it doesn't feel fair to have her change her mind like this. Meanwhile she feels like she didn't understand what she was agreeing to, whether it's because she didn't really listen (not being interested) or whatever.

I think the best thing to do right now is to give her some cooling off time and then try to have a frank discussion about it. Let her know that different snakes grow to different sizes and that Behira won't necessarily get that big. Also, she will grow slowly and you can affect the rate of growth and to an extent her ultimate size by controlling her feeding schedule.

I would start from scratch - don't make any assumptions about a comment she may have made while tired, scared, or annoyed. Give her the chance to clarify what she really wants to say.

Not sure if this helps, but I find a comparison of weight to be a better way for people to understand snake sizes because they're long noodles. A 6 foot snake sounds enormous to laymen but depending on girth it may weigh about as much as a small lap dog and helps people put things into perspective.

Also, you can let her know that she's not obligated to hold or take care of it. You're willing to do all the work and if she doesn't feel like interacting with Behira that's fine.

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Originally Posted by dboeren

Wow, what a punch in the gut! I thought I was just going to browse a thread with some cool snake pics and then you dropped the bomb there.

SO's that don't love snakes as much as we do are a problem for many of us, but it sounds like you did everything you were supposed to do to educate her in advance how big Behira was going to get and it doesn't feel fair to have her change her mind like this. Meanwhile she feels like she didn't understand what she was agreeing to, whether it's because she didn't really listen (not being interested) or whatever.

I think the best thing to do right now is to give her some cooling off time and then try to have a frank discussion about it. Let her know that different snakes grow to different sizes and that Behira won't necessarily get that big. Also, she will grow slowly and you can affect the rate of growth and to an extent her ultimate size by controlling her feeding schedule.

I would start from scratch - don't make any assumptions about a comment she may have made while tired, scared, or annoyed. Give her the chance to clarify what she really wants to say.

Not sure if this helps, but I find a comparison of weight to be a better way for people to understand snake sizes because they're long noodles. A 6 foot snake sounds enormous to laymen but depending on girth it may weigh about as much as a small lap dog and helps people put things into perspective.

Also, you can let her know that she's not obligated to hold or take care of it. You're willing to do all the work and if she doesn't feel like interacting with Behira that's fine.

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Okay - Big (I think) Update to the Katie and Behira Situation

Katie and I had a long talk about Behira (she brought it up).

She feels I pushed to get Behira and she wasn't necessarily ready or willing to have another snake, certainly not one that gets as big as Behira will/can. To clarify, she felt much more involved with getting Solana, but also, adores her and has practically made Solana her snake. I don't think she was ready for the cuteness and it caught her by surprise. So partly she was a little more involved, and partly, who doesn't love a baby scaleless corn snake?

Back to Behira. I did push. I wanted the challenge of a bigger snake and had always thought Boa's were out of reach size wise (looked at too many obese BCI's and large BCC's on the internet etc). I was also in the process of ordering a huge Boaphile tank stack and was getting at least a 5X2' footprint for Frank, so to move up to 6X2' for a female BCI too, seemed a no brainier. When I realized that Behira was totally attainable, I jumped in hard. Katie basically said I would care for her, so whatever I wanted. Further, she had the opportunity to do more research, but declined. I told her Behira (a female) would be a big snake and much bigger than a male (she picked Behira with me).

I also told Katie, again, that her fear was irrational. Behira is not a "danger noodle" and is hardly defensive or aggressive by any stretch of the imagination. I explained, again, that if she was, I wouldn't want to keep her either, for a variety of reasons. Again, I asked her to trust me, and told her that if I had to choose, of course I would choose Katie, always. However, I did not want an ultimatum and felt it was unfair at this point.

Katie explained that me saying that I would always pick her over anything or anyone, meant the world to her and she didn't feel like she and her feelings were being brushed aside. She explained that she knows how important Behira is to me and "would never ask me to get rid of her." She said she gets tired and cranky and had an off day and although there was some truth to what she said, she wouldn't ask me to give Behira up, especially if it's not what I wanted. We agreed that neither of us would want an aggressive/defensive animal in the house, especially a big one. However, she agreed that her fear is at least somewhat irrational, and she trusts me regarding Behira.

I also asked that she take any resentment or regrets about getting Behira out on me and not her. It's not Behira's fault. Katie explained that she said yes, and although reluctantly, said it was okay and she has to own that too. She warned she might not give in so easy next time though :).

Overall, a good talk and I will take Katie's fears and frustration about Behira with a grain of salt from now on, per her wishes. She says she still reserves the right to complain about it every now and then, but I don't have to take it too seriously.

I am glad Katie and I cleared all that up. Much like getting Behira, this was a big miscommunication as well. We needed to sort it out and I am glad Katie talked to me about it and I set her mind at ease, as she set my mind at ease. We know how important communication is to a healthy relationship, and are usually pretty good at it, but we had two misses in that department here. Not like us, but again, glad we sorted it out, and quickly.

Sounds like Behira is here to stay!

That’s some great news mate🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞


Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk

Behira was curled up by the acrylic doors when I went to take her out and change her water today. She looked so cute, I had to grab a few pictures.

Additionally, below, I am posting two links to me holding Behira wit her being her normal self with a happy tongue! She's so calm and gentle and easy to redirect. Such a sweet girl.

https://i.imgur.com/gXlHQMZ.mp4

https://i.imgur.com/JpvTBaL.mp4

[IMG]https://ball-pythons.net/forums/cach...om/aa0ddkA.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]https://ball-pythons.net/forums/cach...om/KUkhwvC.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]https://ball-pythons.net/forums/cach...om/szUYBxU.jpg[/IMG]

I love it when there tongue goes ten to the dozen,so sweet


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Behira's a very pretty girl Daski and she looks pretty laid back in your pics and videos .