Baby time???

Ok I could not think of what else to call this thread so here goes...

I have an 8 year old son, we are thinking of having a second.

My son is from my first marriage. Now that me and my new wife have been together and ironed out alot of our "us" issues we have rethought wanting a child.

We want to adopt a child from a teen mother, Dylan (my son) was born one month after I turned 16.

We will have paid off all our old debt and be want to be in our own home (not renting) before we adopt.

I have always been against younger people having children because the way a child effects your relationship and you need to be young when you have the chance. I am 24 and my wife is 25 we are still young but we already have one kid and we don't want to be having one when our first one is graduating (36+ years of having a kid in the house doesn't really do it for me)

So I know some people have adopted on here and if you guys could home in please do.

I have not told any one in my family because I don't need opinions from people with baby fever. I want genuine questions and concerns.

So basically yea let me know what you think.

Love you all
mike

Sorry about the typos it is sometimes hard to make long posts from an iPhone. You can't scroll back through and edit.

I think you'd do a good job, the best you knew how, which I do think would be good.

But does the world REALLY need another RedNeck?

My sister adopted after she and her husband had one child and couldn't have anymore. My family treated her the same as any other kid born to any of us.

If you don't have the support of your family or if they won't accept an adopted child and treat it as one born to you, think very carefully about what you're heading into.

As a second class family member, the love needed to raise a healthy and happy child may be lacking which would mean you either compensate, or over compensate, or struggle with your family for what could well be the rest of your life.

Kudos for going this route if you do.

Adopt? The best part of having a new baby is making them ;) In all seriousness Mike, if you can love someone elses baby like your own and give it a loving, caring home and everything he/she needs then I say God bless you and do it :gj: :gj:

Both of our families would be supportive. My wifes family already accepts my son as theirs. My family would love it. But if any one, especially my son, doesn't want to be apart of it we would seriously reconsider. This is not a decision that effects only my wife and I. It is going to be a family decision.

I'm sure he wouldn't mind a baby brother or sister, but i'm curious as to why you wouldn't have the baby yourselves instead of adopting?

My wife can't have children. We have always talked about adoption. The big reason for me is I don't care for the world we are living in today. I don't want to bring another person into this, so why not adopt a child that is already here. It might be a strange or negative reason but I have NEVER wanted a child of my own, at least not blood. I would accept an adopted child as mine.

Ok I see now. Well I hope all goes well and you can find a baby to adopt, and I see how you feel, it's not negative. You're just trying to give a baby that's already here a better life since they may not have one, possibly from a teen mother who yea.

I'd say go for it man, sounds like you and your wife already know what you're doing with your first son and if you can love an adopted child as if it was your own that's great. Good luck!!

Just beware when the baby gets older, if you tell him he was adopted, he may/may not want to find his blood parents. Then you may have to deal with when he gets older and gets mad at you, him screaming: "You're not my parents, you can't tell me what to do." and i'm sure that can be pretty painful hearing that.

I hope that if or when we decide to do this that we can raise an adopted child with the understanding that I did not get them by accident that we searched out this child and love him/her enough to raise as our own. And we will have to deal with what comes.

What am I supposed to do when my blood son gets angry and says hurtful things? We will deal with it as a family and hopefully we can raise our children with enough love and mutual respect that when the tough times come we can solve them as rationally as we can.

Mike

It is awesome that you are considering adoption! I know so many wonderful people that were adopted as children, and just as many that have adopted children and I think it is a wonderful thing to do. I think I will probably consider adopting a much older child in the next few years. I can't really offer you any advice other than what has already been mentioned.

I wish you the best of of luck!

I'll make a deal with you, adopt me!! I'm relatively cheap, and I don't require much.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hoax

I hope that if or when we decide to do this that we can raise an adopted child with the understanding that I did not get them by accident that we searched out this child and love him/her enough to raise as our own. And we will have to deal with what comes.

What am I supposed to do when my blood son gets angry and says hurtful things? We will deal with it as a family and hopefully we can raise our children with enough love and mutual respect that when the tough times come we can solve them as rationally as we can.

Mike

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My mom was adopted, she has never wanted to find her blood parents, her parents are her parents, they are my grandparents, and that's that. Things couldn't have turned out better for her or our family because of her being adopted :D

I have a friend, he and his wife for whatever reason did not have any bio children, she had a dughter from her first marriage though. They have adopted 3 kids. I think adoption is great!

its something me and my wife have always considered. After having our second child and my wife and daughter almost dying we can not have anymore kids of our own so if we want more we have to adopt. I think its great, a lot of my friends are adopted and they love their parents as if they were the ones who had them. I say go for it.

Adoption is a great thing IMO- I think it is WONDERFUL and amazing and selfless. Go for it :)

ok now that I am not on my iPhone maybe I can post a little better ;)

I appreciate the support I am getting, I didn't know what to really expect.

This is something my wife and I have always discussed, we discussed having a blood child for all of about three seconds. My wife has never felt physically strong enough to carry a child safely.

We decided about 4 years ago Dylan would be our only child, but if we ever changed our minds it would be an adopted child.

Fast forward to yesterday morning. I am walking through the house picking up before my wife comes home from a night away with her mom and sisters, and I think to myself it would be nice to have another child around here, but I kinda drop it because last time we talked we both kinda blew it off as something we shouldn't do.

My father in law asked us to come out last night and on the way out there Jes says "I was thinking this morning about wanting to adopt a baby"

I was blown away! We have not talked about wanting another child in over 3 years, then bam! Jes brings it up the same day I was thinking about it.

When we decided we only wanted one child we were younger and we didn't know if we were even going to stay married!

Now we both know what we want more and we think a child will fill a place in our life that need filling.

I had a second child in my previous marriage who I lost custody of during the divorce. The basis of the divorce was infidelity and the little girl was the product of said infidelity. Since then I have wanted a little girl but did not feel like I was mentally ready for another child.

This is still pretty early in the stages of planning I am sure it will be at least a year before we begin looking for a child to adopt.

I keep trying to come up with enough negative reasons to not want to but I just can't. I keep wanting to come up with a reason to not do it because after the adoption is not the time to decide its a bad idea.

I just cant think of a reason not too. I go over the reasons I had before for not wanting to have another child, but even those don't even come close to deterring me.

Mike

I talked my mom and dad today about wanting another child. I figured my dad would ask the normal logical questions and my mom would have the most concerns.

Of course they had the general are you sure and what makes you want this sort of questions, but all in all they were vey supportive.

So far we have a 3:1 vote for a girl, my mom is the only hold out for a boy. My dad thinks we should name her Abigale, which is ironic because I was thinking of the same name and never had anyone even really discused that as a girl name when my son and his half sister were born.

There are alot of things coming up that make me feel like this is what I should do. I just can't see how bringing another love into our family can be a bad thing.

Mike

:) looking forward to the new addition to your family, Abigale is a great name