Were/Are you a Dork? Is your kid?

I've heard some positive things about this so I thought I'd share it.
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The best way to resist bullying is by not being a target.

What makes a target for a bully? Those who are different from the norm are often the targets of bullies. Too short, too fat, too smart, not smart enough, colour, posture, gait, pimples, eye contact or lack thereof, almost anything that sets one person apart from a group can also make one a target of bullies.

There is nothing to be done about some of the target criteria, one cannot control one's height or natural colour, but much can be done to avoid bullying.

Growing a thick skin is one of the best things you can do to avoid bullies. Verbal taunting is their most often used tactic to get a rise out of the intended target. If you can, simply ignore them. If you cannot ignore them entirely, remain calm, do not get angry, do not yell, do not raise your voice. That will only lead to further bullying. The less reaction a bully gets out of you, the less motivation for the bully to pick on you.

Dressing differently will make one a target. If you must wear that imitation WWII helmet to school, you must expect to be bullied. If your Uncle Clarence's winter coat, the one he wore back in 1979 when he weighed four hundred eighty-seven pounds and thought plaid was cool, is the only jacket you at ninety-two pounds dripping wet, wear to school, chances are you will be bullied.

Changing the way you dress can transform you from a bullseye carrying nerd to one of the multitudes of the unnoticed. If you fit in you are far less likely to be a target. Once you are no longer a target, you won't be bullied. The price, of course, is anonymity. You are also far less likely to stand out if you look and act like everyone else.

The way you walk can also make you stand out to bullies. If you shuffle or carry a load of books so heavy that it makes you list to one side, change your gait, carry fewer books or get a bookbag that allows you to carry them comfortably. Stand up straight and walk with your eyes looking forward. Do not slouch; do not look at the ground as you walk.

Walk like you belong wherever you are and that you will be welcome wherever you are going. Look at your destination, head up and eyes open. Even if you don't believe it, walk it, you have every right to be there. Bullies are not always smart, you can generally fool them.
Watching your feet is a dead giveaway that you don't want to be seen, which will most assuredly result in your bully noticing you. Do not watch your feet when you walk.

Eye contact with a bully is an offer of engagement if you look too long. A quick glance as you pass is best if any eye contact must be made. Do not obviously avoid looking at a bully either; this will merely make you a target
Be confident. Those two words are most important. If you think you'll be bullied, you will be bullied.

If none of the above are options open to you, learn where the bullies are and avoid those places.

Too bad people can't just accept and be kind to others, like I was always taught to do (and indeed did do). I know there will always be abusive, nasty people raised by parents who set poor examples or even mistreat them themselves, but I can still wish it wasn't so.

I always encourage people to not care what bullies, and other unintelligent , arrogant jerks think about them. To be an individual..that life is too short to go around acting fake, and doing things just to make the "bully" happy. Sure for children, bullies can suck...but that is because alot of them are not raised to understand how to deal with people like that, and how to have pride in themselves. Usually bullies are extremely insecure themselves. Even if actions were taken to prevent yourself from being a target, there is always someone that will find SOMETHING about you to pick on...just gotta learn how to brush it off, and remain an individual.

Survival of the fittest.

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Originally Posted by _Venom_

Survival of the fittest.

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That worked well in Columbine.

What ever happened to teaching kids to be themselves?

Yep, I was picked on in school. First for being the smallest (by the age of ten, I finally hit about 4'6", wore a girls size 1 shoe, and weighted in at maybe 80 pounds dripping wet), then for being chunky when I grew out but not up, then for the hat I wore, and you know what? I never changed a darn thing. No, I didn't enjoy being picked on, but I didn't want to change either.

Today, I am still proud to be myself. The coat I wear is as loud as can be (covered with the Joker from the old Batman comics!), and it is even louder on me because there is still a lot of me to cover. I still wear the battered old hat my best friend gave me ten years ago. My hair has been cropped short, left shaggy, blue, red, purple, black... My personality has actually been an asset at work. Because they couldn't help but notice me, they started paying attention to my work, and within six months I was promoted to supervisor.

I like being me and I'm teaching my kids to like being themselves too, no matter what anyone says. And what is so wrong with a little boy wearing a pink polo shirt anyway? Or an Indiana Jones hat? :)

After all, if you can't be yourself, who else are you supposed to be?

Kachine Kolgon

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Originally Posted by KachineK

What ever happened to teaching kids to be themselves?

Yep, I was picked on in school. First for being the smallest (by the age of ten, I finally hit about 4'6", wore a girls size 1 shoe, and weighted in at maybe 80 pounds dripping wet), then for being chunky when I grew out but not up, then for the hat I wore, and you know what? I never changed a darn thing. No, I didn't enjoy being picked on, but I didn't want to change either.

Today, I am still proud to be myself. The coat I wear is as loud as can be (covered with the Joker from the old Batman comics!), and it is even louder on me because there is still a lot of me to cover. I still wear the battered old hat my best friend gave me ten years ago. My hair has been cropped short, left shaggy, blue, red, purple, black... My personality has actually been an asset at work. Because they couldn't help but notice me, they started paying attention to my work, and within six months I was promoted to supervisor.

I like being me and I'm teaching my kids to like being themselves too, no matter what anyone says. And what is so wrong with a little boy wearing a pink polo shirt anyway? Or an Indiana Jones hat? :)

After all, if you can't be yourself, who else are you supposed to be?

Kachine Kolgon

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LOVE IT! Absolutely love this post.

That's me in High School. I wanted to stand out and be an individual. My goal was to break the cliques and make people be like ME! :D

In my high school class - the lines between the nerds, the jocks, the cheerleaders, the chess players, etc were all smudged - the most popular kids in class (me being one of them) hung out with all of them. We had the tough guys - the "druggies" and such - but they had nobody to bully because everybody got each other's backs. They ended up bullying each other and when that wore off, they melded with everybody else and just became one of "us". I guess it helped that there are less than 100 kids in the entire class.

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Originally Posted by wilomn

I've heard some positive things about this so I thought I'd share it.
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Growing a thick skin is one of the best things you can do to avoid bullies. Verbal taunting is their most often used tactic to get a rise out of the intended target. If you can, simply ignore them. If you cannot ignore them entirely, remain calm, do not get angry, do not yell, do not raise your voice. That will only lead to further bullying. The less reaction a bully gets out of you, the less motivation for the bully to pick on you.

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I got picked on a bit in high school for being a "metal head" and having long hair in a predominantly shaved headed rap oriented school (Los Angeles what else is there lol). I found an easy way to make to certain few people stop. I went up to them in the middle of lunch and beat the living @#% outta two of them. Needless to say I had to deal with a few of their friend in the upcoming days but they were easily taken care of and after that no more problem. :). Granted it could have gone the other way but I was willing to take that risk. Not advocating that everyone do this but sometimes a little good old standing up for yourself works.

Now if I had that problem with the shape I am in now I am sure it would go the other way. I have another 30lbs on me and I stopped lifting weights right after high school. Not saying I wouldn't try. I guess my violent problem solving method is my barbaric side coming out. lol. Wat can I say I love fighting.

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Originally Posted by Mettle

That worked well in Columbine.

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No columbine was because of Marilyn Manson and TV. :8::8::8: <----not laughing at columbine itself.

Dork?? No no! That term is derogatory! The correct term is GEEK! :D

Mega Nerd and proud of it! Yes, I was made fun of regularly when young because I was so different and such an introvert. But they never tried anything physical because I'm a big girl. :) It was all taunts and mean words, and after a while it was water off a ducks back. I didn't like it, but I didn't let it get to me.

I NEVER changed who I was comfortable being just because of others. I wasn't 'myself' back then because I hadn't found myself yet, but I knew what I liked doing and being at the time. Kids need to learn to be themselves and not care about what others say!

Sometimes... especially in this case... being the target is OK.

Sure you can try to teach a kid to do exactly as Wilomn has stated... but why don't you at the same time teach them that being themself is not OK? That is after all what you are doing anyways....

Your kid may get his little hiny kicked... but guess what? In life your kid will win. The bully knows that. why do you think the bully want's a piece of your kid in the first place?

REMEMBER, Life is supposed to hurt. How else would you be able to appreciate the good things?

Just my 2 cents.

I dunno,,being a big guy i got picked on,til i relised i could easily throw them bullies around,then it became kind of fun,lol,i am still me,i miss my long hair,and growing it back,miss the long goatee,so growing it back,and i always liked the loud and different girls,the girls with the pink and purple and blue hair,and the ink and the piercings,not everybody can be the "norm"and i know i'm not,and i appreciate that in other people

my advice to someone gettin bullied,,get a weight bench,or take weight lifting in school,bulk up,and dont stop being yourself,if they dont like you for you,then frick em

Darn right i'm a geek and proud of it! Sure i got picked on a bit in school until i learned to defend myself. Then again that was back before columbine when teachers tended to look the other way and take the opinion of _venom_ that its survival of the fittest. or the more pc version "boys will be boys".

my son is growing up following in my footsteps it seems. he's into video games, likes to sit in on my roleplaying game sessions and paints his own warhammer figures. I try to encourage any of the endeavors he might want to pursue, much like my dad did with me. So far he's been able to hold his own when it comes to bullies.

I got picked on but I cracked heads too...

You can be bullied and be a nerd with out being a coward.

Mike

No disrespect to any posters, but I am fascinated by responses to this.

Oh yeah, HUGE dork here! :P I tried being myself through grade school, and until the 6th grade, I was always terribly picked on, to the point of having threats on me. After that, as much as I wanted to be myself, I changed the way I acted, changed what I wore, and it did stop (a change in school also helped, lol). But, if it's that bad, doing what you have to do to fit in isn't so bad either. I guess it just depends on the individual. Now that I'm in college, I'm just myself. You couldn't pay me enough to go back to grade school!

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Originally Posted by Mettle

That worked well in Columbine.

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Kids being bullied and then becoming gun-toting mass murderers is a common myth behind Columbine.. that's not the real story.

I was too nice to be picked on, never got in fights, always considered myself too small to do any damage anyways. I also spent all my time during middle school when that crap went on in the outdoors away from anybody except friends.

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Originally Posted by mainbutter

Kids being bullied and then becoming gun-toting mass murderers is a common myth behind Columbine.. that's not the real story.

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care to enlighten us ?

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Originally Posted by mainbutter

I was too nice to be picked on, never got in fights, always considered myself too small to do any damage anyways. I also spent all my time during middle school when that crap went on in the outdoors away from anybody except friends.

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What he said. But seriously, I was 4'10' in the 7th grade (if I had a dollar for every time I've heard the term "munchkin" I'd have retired at the age of 12 ). I think it was my kindergarten teacher that first taught me the golden rule-treat others how you want to be treated- but it seemed to stick with me. I really feel it is an important thing to learn and following it will generally get you ahead in life. If I ever have kids, you bet I'm teaching it to them. Best way to win a fight is to not get in it, getting punched really sucks too. :2cent:

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Originally Posted by sg1trogdor

No columbine was because of Marilyn Manson and TV. :8::8::8: <----not laughing at columbine itself.

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no! it was not! it was simply because those two boys had brain problems. idc if you are picked on...you dont kill people. ive been picked on and ive seen people get picked on...even picked on people myself. tv and such is not an exuse for those two demented ass boys. people like you give them a pass and blame it on others. tv and manson didnt pull the trigger.

and bullying is cruel...but its a part of life. it will never go away. but friends and family should be there for its victoms. it goes away.. in 9th grade a senior was picking on me pretty bad for the first semester. second semeseter rolled around and i picked a fight with him and beat his ass. i didnt blame it on tv. i blamed myself for not bein the bigger man and controlling my temper. i sank to his level. but for the next four years i was not picked on haha

I was different in school. But anyone who tried to pick on me lost some teeth. My son is only 4 and when he is a little older he will learn how to box and wrestle. Anyone that tries to bully my son will get hammered.
I dont believe in fighting but i do believe in defending ones self. And any fight can quickly become a life or death situation. So im making sure my son will be more prepared then the other guy.

well i wouldnt have consider myself a bully but when people messed with my friends scince i was big i would stand up and intimidate the people messing with them

What if you are being pick on online by a guy named Wilomn?

Just kidding:P

Couldnt help myself:rofl:

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Originally Posted by West Coast Jungle

What if you are being pick on online by a guy named Wilomn?

Just kidding:P

Couldnt help myself:rofl:

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Now Raul, you KNOW I'd never do that to anyone....

that didn't really deserve it.

LOL

This subject has always been in my mind. I was a skinny little kid who was picked on A LOT in school, then it seemed one day I went from being 6'02" and 160 to being 230 and stout as could be. That is when I started to beat up the bullies. I am an introvert mostly, but I get fired up easily.

I have always marched to my own drums, and I have very thick skin. But when I see someone else getting picked on I want to just kick the you-know-what out of the guy doing the picking. Not many people mess with me now days, and I teach my kids to live like that and be themselves. If a kid at school tries to bully them and they punch the kid in self defense or in someone else's defense, they may get in trouble at school, but we reward it in our house.

BTW: The whole Columbine thing was not because they got picked on or were misunderstood. Contrary to the runaway rumors, they actually were the ones taunting and terrorizing others most of the time. You can not pin that incident down to just one thing in the first place. A mixture of bad parenting, environmental influences, mental problems, and many other things are involved in that whole ordeal, but that is for another thread.

I wasn't popular. I was picked on somewhat, but frankly, I don't/didn't care. Some people take it to heart, others don't and move on.

Could be type A and B personalities. I might be type C. Whatever that is. >.>;;

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Originally Posted by Qetu

no! it was not! it was simply because those two boys had brain problems. idc if you are picked on...you dont kill people. ive been picked on and ive seen people get picked on...even picked on people myself. tv and such is not an exuse for those two demented ass boys. people like you give them a pass and blame it on others. tv and manson didnt pull the trigger.

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They were being sarcastic...

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Originally Posted by mainbutter

Kids being bullied and then becoming gun-toting mass murderers is a common myth behind Columbine.. that's not the real story.

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Hey I had my fare share of thinking about wanting to do stupid stuff but I always reminded myself that, that road only ends at one place no matter which end of it you come out on.

Those boys were sick and their parents paid little attention to what they were doing.

Mike

I like to think of myself as an easy going parent, I was picked really bad on once in grade school, I came home & told my mom, and she told me that if anyone puts their hands on you "clean their clock".

I pretty much raised my kids the same way, with the exception that if someone is starting in on them they need to give the person a warning/chance to walk away.

My wonderful son has always been a gentle giant he's 6'4" and still a sweet kid at 21