Need some personal life advice.

My boyfriend has been having trouble at work lately. The person who is directly above him has been there for a long time, and as such she has a lot of connections. She doesn't like very many people and my boyfriend happens to be one that she dislikes. She's been making things VERY difficult for him. For example, she's been saying he's not doing certain things when he is, he just doesn't do them the way she wants. She pushes all of her work onto him and then some. It's just very petty, stupid stuff. But he DOES do the work, and he's actually very good at it. He's very efficient and will stay late if things need done. I guess she just doesn't like being one-upped by "the new guy."

So, I told him he needs to go to human resources or just go to somebody. It's not fair to let her push him around like that. He says he did speak to one person above her, but nothing came of it. He's afraid that if he pushes the matter and goes above her head, that she will find out and find a reason to fire him.

What should he do? Try to put up with it and hope her negativity and bad rumors don't affect his job? Or go above her head and hope she doesn't hear about it?

:(:(:(

If he loses this job, we'll be so far in the hole we won't even be able to see a pinpoint of light.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mindibun

My boyfriend has been having trouble at work lately. The person who is directly above him has been there for a long time, and as such she has a lot of connections. She doesn't like very many people and my boyfriend happens to be one that she dislikes. She's been making things VERY difficult for him. For example, she's been saying he's not doing certain things when he is, he just doesn't do them the way she wants. She pushes all of her work onto him and then some. It's just very petty, stupid stuff. But he DOES do the work, and he's actually very good at it. He's very efficient and will stay late if things need done. I guess she just doesn't like being one-upped by "the new guy."

So, I told him he needs to go to human resources or just go to somebody. It's not fair to let her push him around like that. He says he did speak to one person above her, but nothing came of it. He's afraid that if he pushes the matter and goes above her head, that she will find out and find a reason to fire him.

What should he do? Try to put up with it and hope her negativity and bad rumors don't affect his job? Or go above her head and hope she doesn't hear about it?

:(:(:(

If he loses this job, we'll be so far in the hole we won't even be able to see a pinpoint of light.

---

I'm in a very similar situation right now, and from my experience, he will probably need to go to HR. A lot of the time, people are very threatened by those who can do their job...and then do it better. I've gotten the poopy end of the stick a lot of the times, but I won't go to HR because I won't be there for too much longer. I'm sucking it up because I have a few options. Y'all don't. (Mine's a crappy dead-end job anyways).

I've had a few jobs, and the system stresses that you follow the hierarchy. Co-worker's giving you a problem? Go to a shift/asm. Shift/asm giving you trouble? Go to the manager. Manager giving you trouble? Go to HR, the DM, someone who's above them.

It's not fair on your man to be bullied and such because his manager feels threatened. He deserves the opportunity to at least tolerate his job.

P.S. I didn't mean it as a sleight to make mention of the fact that I can risk losing my job. I still live with my parents so I still have the added security. -Sighs.-

Thanks for the advice. It helps. I'm just trying to get a feel for what everyone else thinks because I don't want to push him to do this, and then it turns out he was right and he gets fired all because I had to be all moral or whatever. I probably should have made this a poll.

Start submitting your resume to new places.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mindibun

For example, she's been saying he's not doing certain things when he is, he just doesn't do them the way she wants.

If he loses this job, we'll be so far in the hole we won't even be able to see a pinpoint of light.

---

If it really is THAT important for him to keep his job he has to do what his boss says and do it the way she says to do it. Tell him to use e-mail to confirm assignments so there is no misunderstanding as to what needs to be done. Submit the completed work via e-mail also so it's documented. Take a pad and pencil in to every meeting and keep detailed notes of what went on including date/time and who was there. Print everything out and bring it home. Keep copies of files on a USB drive. Assume internet, e-mail and phone calls are being monitored.

Above all, shut up about the boss. Don't whine or complain at work and stay out of HR. Keep a smile on your face and agree to everything. Become an invaluable asset and always keep your ears open and mouth shut.

If it's really bad, find another job.

Good luck.

well I have a way of looking at things differentaly than most. But if someone was making things very hard for me and trying to get me fired. Honestly I would eliminate them before they eliminate me. There are ways around everything even though she is his superior. Think about it;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JohnNJ

If it really is THAT important for him to keep his job he has to do what his boss says and do it the way she says to do it. Tell him to use e-mail to confirm assignments so there is no misunderstanding as to what needs to be done. Submit the completed work via e-mail also so it's documented. Take a pad and pencil in to every meeting and keep detailed notes of what went on including date/time and who was there. Print everything out and bring it home. Keep copies of files on a USB drive. Assume internet, e-mail and phone calls are being monitored.

Above all, shut up about the boss. Don't whine or complain at work and stay out of HR. Keep a smile on your face and agree to everything. Become an invaluable asset and always keep your ears open and mouth shut.

If it's really bad, find another job.

Good luck.

---

I hate to say it, but i agree. People who are whining and complaining always get stuck.... The only thing i can suggest is that instead of giving 100% give 110% and get noticed doing it! Sounds cliche, but it's true. What type of work does he do?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JohnNJ

If it really is THAT important for him to keep his job he has to do what his boss says and do it the way she says to do it. Tell him to use e-mail to confirm assignments so there is no misunderstanding as to what needs to be done. Submit the completed work via e-mail also so it's documented. Take a pad and pencil in to every meeting and keep detailed notes of what went on including date/time and who was there. Print everything out and bring it home. Keep copies of files on a USB drive. Assume internet, e-mail and phone calls are being monitored.

Above all, shut up about the boss. Don't whine or complain at work and stay out of HR. Keep a smile on your face and agree to everything. Become an invaluable asset and always keep your ears open and mouth shut.

If it's really bad, find another job.

Good luck.

---

He's been trying for MONTHS to find another job. No one is hiring in this economy. He works in IT (computers) so EVERYTHING is done over e-mail. There is documentation of everything exactly because of that. But she pulls crap like ... well, today for instance she apparently said Job X hadn't been done. Boyfriend told her it had, and she pulled up YESTERDAY'S documentation and said, "well, I dont have documentation of it." He showed her TODAY'S documentation (and no, he wasn't late in doing something) and she refused to look at it, insisting that it should have been done yesterday. It's all just really stupid stuff, I'm not even kidding.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mindibun

well, today for instance she apparently said Job X hadn't been done. Boyfriend told her it had, and she pulled up YESTERDAY'S documentation and said, "well, I dont have documentation of it." He showed her TODAY'S documentation (and no, he wasn't late in doing something) and she refused to look at it, insisting that it should have been done yesterday. It's all just really stupid stuff, I'm not even kidding.

---

If everything is done in e-mail, as you said, there should be one that says when Job X was due. He needs to get that up front so there's no doubt in anyone's mind.

If she won't give a due date he should send an e-mail with the date he'll complete the job. He should use the auto-confirmation feature in his e-mail so he has proof that she opened it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MDB

well I have a way of looking at things differentaly than most. But if someone was making things very hard for me and trying to get me fired. Honestly I would eliminate them before they eliminate me. There are ways around everything even though she is his superior. Think about it;)

---

Amen to that. I'm working on that and looking at getting another. I want to cover all of my bases.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mindibun

What should he do? Try to put up with it and hope her negativity and bad rumors don't affect his job? Or go above her head and hope she doesn't hear about it?

---

Just going by my own experience and what I see everyday these kind problems come from a lack of communication. If it was me I would sit down and talk to the lady, be real cool, and try find to way to make things a little easier. Basically talk to her first before going to anybody else. All too aften these conflicts at work result from misunderstandings and people jumping to conclusions about what everyone else is up to and nobody bothers to talk directly with one another.

That's what I do.

Quote:

---

He's been trying for MONTHS to find another job. No one is hiring in this economy. He works in IT (computers) so EVERYTHING is done over e-mail. There is documentation of everything exactly because of that. But she pulls crap like ... well, today for instance she apparently said Job X hadn't been done. Boyfriend told her it had, and she pulled up YESTERDAY'S documentation and said, "well, I dont have documentation of it." He showed her TODAY'S documentation (and no, he wasn't late in doing something) and she refused to look at it, insisting that it should have been done yesterday. It's all just really stupid stuff, I'm not even kidding.

---

Also if possible, have a witness, such as a co worker around when they meet.
A good tool to use is the auto confirmation on the email. Asking her to put into writing when she wants things done. And asking her "how" she wants things done.
As in asking her to show him exacting how she wants it done, and when.
Keep putting the ball into her court. That way she has to work harder to get out of doing something.
By asking her to show him, Exactly and asking her to put in writing how she wants things done. "To make sure I am doing it correctly and to YOUR standards."
Then if she blows him off, by saying, well you should KNOW how its done....
He can come back and say, "I want your proffessional imput on this, I am sure "insert bosses name here..." would want you to make sure I am doing it correctly and to YOUR specifications."
Have him ask her for extra training, Go to her with EVERY SMALL and insignificant problem. Go to her to have EVERYTHING OKAY'd!!
She should start to leave him alone if he makes her work harder.
And get everything in writing, such as due dates on work assignments, and if possible, have a witness.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Earl

Just going by my own experience and what I see everyday these kind problems come from a lack of communication. If it was me I would sit down and talk to the lady, be real cool, and try find to way to make things a little easier. Basically talk to her first before going to anybody else. All too aften these conflicts at work result from misunderstandings and people jumping to conclusions about what everyone else is up to and nobody bothers to talk directly with one another.

That's what I do.

---

Same here. I would ask her very non-defensively what it is she needs from me in order to meet her expectations. If I had the opportunity to find another job, that would be my first option, but in this economy, he might have to try and tough it out for a while.

However, I would definitely document every interaction with her in email. Paper trails are a good thing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mindibun

If he loses this job, we'll be so far in the hole we won't even be able to see a pinpoint of light.

---

No matter what happens with his job, there will ALWAYS be light at the end of the tunnel. Whether he works things out, or eventually needs to find a new job, you guys will make it.

Bad stuff happens in life, but we deal with it and move ahead. Stay positive.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mindibun

So, I told him he needs to go to human resources or just go to somebody. It's not fair to let her push him around like that. He says he did speak to one person above her, but nothing came of it. He's afraid that if he pushes the matter and goes above her head, that she will find out and find a reason to fire him.

---

I have not worked in the civilian sector for a long time, but one thing I do remember is never go anywhere without ammunition. Have him carry a little notebook with him while he is at work. Have him write down the time he starts and the time he completes every task he is given, also, have him have a co-worker sign next to the task saying that that co-worker saw him complete it. If she tries to tell him that he didn't do something, he has ammo to back up that he did.

If he simply goes to HR, then it will be his word against hers. And as she has more time there, her word will probably mean more.

You do not have to be smarter than your boss to win, just more devious.