Cleo...

Cleo's quality of life is not good...

she's not in a lot of pain physically exactly... but she's lost, confused, miserable... her eyesight, her hearing, her sense of smell have all diminished dramatically. She's doing things that don't make sense, her memory is shot, she's still losing weight and she's already just skin and bones... All the weird crazy things she's been doing is because she doesn't remember any of the attention she gets or what's going on... she can't focus on anything...anytime we leave the room she thinks we've been gone for weeks... she's trapped in her own head, distant and hardly here at all... and god... I can't remember the last time she purred... I've been in denial of how unhappy she is...

and there's nothing we can do... nothing except let her go...

nobody expected her brain to go before her kidney... we all thought that was what would take her... but it's possible she has a lesion on her brain in addition to the senility... but we can't afford sticking a camera up Unut's sinuses, let alone brain scans and brain surgery... and at Cleo's age, neither can she... and whatever this is is making her diabetes worse, and everything else worse... mentally, emotionally, she is not herself at all... and she hasn't been for a few weeks now... its time to face that and deal with it... she's been suffering through treatment after treatment for all of these problems, which keep piling up... my poor baby...

for now, the doctor gave us some pain med for her, to hopefully help her calm down a bit at night, to relax her. We're trying to make her as comfortable as possible right now. We need time. i know thats selfish, but she's... 18 years with my special girl.... I need some time to say goodbye... Everything's been revolving around her for months, trying to give her the best care and keep her quality of life up... there's only so much we can do...

In case i don't post again for a while, I'm thankful this thanksgiving for these 18 years... she's an amazing cat... so sweet, so loving, so quirky... she's been my daughter and my grandmother, sometimes both in the same day... I love her so much I can't even describe. She's been there for me when I've felt utterly alone, hurt, depressed... she always knew when I needed her... she'd take on my tears without complaint, even though she hated getting wet... she could cheer me up, make us laugh, and I used to be able to get her purring just by coming over and looking at her...I miss her. I've missed her for a while now, and I know I'll miss her even mor when she's physically not here, even though things have been so trying...

http://pics.livejournal.com/medusasowl/pic/000t2b8z

I love you Cleo... I want to do the best thing for you... I just need some selfish time with you to say goodbye...

Aum Pashupataye Namah...

I'm sorry hun.. Miss Cleo is a gorgeous lady. I know it may not help, but if you can find some Rescue Remedy made by Bach's, it may help her be able to calm down and relax. It's just flower essences and very safe. I've used it on a few rats who had chronic lung problems and would have panic attacks because they didn't think they could breathe.

Do you have pictures of her of how you remember her(the real Cleo)? I know how it can be when you don't feel that they are there anymore. It's almost a comfort though, knowing they may already be happy and playing again somewhere.

Very sorry to hear she's not doing well. While saying goodbye, just remember the great 18 years you've shared. Most animals don't get that long of a life filled with so much love.

As far as yourself, I hope you find comfort in knowing you have done all you can in giving her a wonderful life. We share our homes with them and get so much in return.

Being so close to her, you'll know when it is time. I admire you for sticking by her and helping her along for this long. I wish you my sympathy and it really seems to me that you've done all that you could and made her have the best life ever possible.

Tears sweetie, big fat tears running down my face. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug.

I'm so sorry!!! I know how you feel, about a year ago I lost my best friend, a big male Maine Coon cat mix named Donovan. He adopted me right after I moved away from home, and he helped me deal with being lonely and alone in a strange state. He put up with 2 husbands, dogs, other cats, several moves. No matter what else I lost or what else went wrong he was always there. I had 17 wonderful years with him.
All of my sympathy to you and to Cleo!!!!! *big hug*

*wipes away tears*

I'm not good at saying much about such painful times...except I know how you feel when I lost my Cato last fall...you'll know when the time is right.


*biig, biiiiiiig hug* :(

Just an update...

the appointment has been made for Tuesday. I wanted to put it off longer, at least till December, but I just can't do that too her... she's been yowling miserably so much now that she's lost her voice and it's little more than a croak... nothing we do helps. I've had my doubts back and forth about doing this, but we're sure now that it's the right thing...

I haven't been sleeping, really, and I seem to have caught a sore throat and fever of some kind since Thanksgiving. The only thing that even got me through Thanksgiving was being asked questions about snakes... distraction is good. Distraction and Nyquil. I feel horrible on many levels.

I've definitely had better birthdays. Anytime I let myself think, I just start crying. Thank you for all of your kind thoughts and sympathies... it means a lot, and I know so many of us have been through this with a beloved pet... We've done all we can. At least now we can make it easier on her. I don't think anything can make it easier on us. :depressed

You guys have done so much for her...far more than most owners would, and I know that for a fact. Letting them go is never easy, because we love them so much but I know that you know that you are doing the right thing for Cleo. A graceful exit is the last trust we carry for them. Huge *hugs* to you guys.

Oohh :tears:

Hug Cleo, hug Karen, hug every living thing in your house...it's okay to cry. I know how much it hurts. Sun will keep rising and we all love you very much. *huuuuuuuug*

Thanks for the hugs, guys... I know it was the right thing to do, and that she's so much better off now... but that doesn't make being without her any easier. Who knew an apartment full of snakes and rabbits could feel so empty. The silence is deafening.

On Tuesday, Cleo was peacefully and gracefully ushered into the next life. I'm so proud of her... she did so good, and it was so surprisingly fast... I felt her head go heavy -I was holding her and whispering to her- and then she was gone.

It's weird how alone I feel now though. I've been shadowed by that co-dependant sweetie for 18 years. Every part of my routine, every piece of furniture, around every corner... she was a huge part of our lives, and every little thing is a painful reminder that she's not here. I've just been trying to distract myself, the less I think the more I can function. Mourning feels like such a selfish thing... I'm not crying for her, she's in a better place... I'm crying for me because I still want her with me and I miss her. Selfish is the love that says "mine"... I know it will get easier with time, but god... for 18 years she was my rock and my security blanket. It'll be a while before I really feel like myself again. :tears:

I am sorry for your loss. Here is an email I got. Even though it is about a dog, i think it applies to all pets.
Hope this helps
Trey

A Dog's Purpose - from a 6-year-old



I am a veterarian and had been called to examine a very sick ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron and Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform a euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for son Shane to observe the procedure. They felt he might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane was so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.

Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. Shane seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than humans.



Shane had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why." His next words stunned me; I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" He continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

It's okay to mourn. You loved her, and that loss hurts no matter how right it was for her.

Oohhhh Sheree! I'm so sorry! I didn't see this thread and now I feel like I haven't even been there for you.

I am crying for you, hon. Feeling the heartbreak that is just a mere shadow of what you must be really going through. I'm so, so sorry. But please know, dear, that mourning is not selfish. It's natural and healthy. If you try to deny it, it will only fester inside and grow ever more bitter instead of allowing the sweetness of memories to fill in those empty places. Don't hide from it...feel it...walk through it...so you can come out the other side and find healing.

I've never met anyone as devoted to their animals as you. Cleo had a beautiful life with you. Heaven on earth with someone who loved her so dearly. No kitty could ever have asked for more.

:tears: :hug: :tears:

*biiiig huug* :tears:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mxrider42

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" He continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

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Wow...that is beautiful. :tears:

The real miracle is that you got to spend all those years with her, just think about that and i know that when people tell you to think about all the good times, it helps but there's still pain. She enjoyed the lifestyle you gave her and you know you gave her a top notch quality of life. That's all that matters.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mxrider42

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" He continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

---

That is absolutely beautiful, I copied it to my LJ, thank you. :happycry:

No worries, Judy, I miss a LOT of threads on a regular basis. :oops: Thank you. :hug:

She really did have a good life... I'm glad she could have an equally good death. Eventually, all the little things that keep setting me into tears will get better... for now though, its just one day at a time.

I just wanted to say sorry for your loss, and offer huge hugs to you. Everyone has said such nice things, I wasn't going to respond, because I didn't think it'd matter. But, knowing exactly how it feels to lose a beloved animal companion, I just couldn't resist any longer. At between 16 and 17 years of age (which is impressive for a dog!) my best friend (and the dog that was there for all those beginning years of my life) was euthanised. That was back in 2004, and I still get a little choked up over it in front of people. When I'm alone, I do miss him and allow myself to mourn a bit, again. No, it isn't as bad as it used to be...when I thought I'd never feel the same again. But, it's still a longing to have that dog in my arms again (he was a Cocker Spaniel, easy to pick up for me).

I do hope you find healing...mourn as much as you need to. Years down the road, you'll probably still miss her, but know that you aren't alone. *hugs* I'll send a message to my pup to look out for Cleo, if you believe in that type of thing. :)

Thank you, Raven, it does help to hear that. It's so hard when they're SO much a part of your home and your life and it seems like they always have been... It helps to be reminded by people who've been through it that though we'll always miss them, it does get easier. :happycry:

Oh Sherrie, I'm so very sorry I missed this thread somehow. My thoughts are with you as you adjust to Cleo's passing. When I was faced with much the same with Puss Kat a few years back it broke me too to put down such an old friend (she was 18 when I had to take that last trip to the vet with her). You and I were both blessed with these lovely cats that became so much more than pets.

Like your Cleo, Puss Kat yowled till she couldn't anymore and was very confused near the end. My vet explained that cats can get a form of ahlzheimers and that also as their other senses dull they call out in a sort like this in a sort of echo location attempt. I'm passing this on to you so you may understand that the calling wasn't cries of distress honey. It sounds awful but it isn't pain anymore than a human with dementia is in physical pain and it's something that a lot of very aged cats do. I hope that bit of knowledge comforts you as it did me.

Big hugs and I know that in your pain you honor this lovely animal and her time with you. There are few living things in our lives that give us as much as a beloved pet does. I'm so sorry her time on this earth has passed but I'm so proud of you for letting her go with peace and love when her quality of life was no longer there.

I will always miss my own sweet old cat, but over the years the pain is gone and only the smiles remain when I think of her. I think she and Cleo deserve the honor of those smiles of joy remembered.

You guys keep making me cry again :happycry: Thank you, Jo. I knew it was a part of the dementia, but I hadn't realized it was an echo-location type of behavior. Her hearing and eyesight were definitely going, and that makes sense the way she wandered around toward the end...

I just finished making this for her, which it's taken me a while to work up to. I can handle the photos a little better now, but the videos... ouch. I'm still glad I have them though, for when I'm ready.

http://pics.livejournal.com/medusasowl/pic/000t43p4

Well Sheree I don't know if the echo location thing is a proven fact but it was what my vet said, he'd never steered me wrong and like you, it made perfect sense to me considering how Puss was acting near her end.

I love the pictorial tribute hon, you did a beautiful job of it. :)

I think its part echo location perhaps, but also just crying out in confusion... she always quieted down when she was sure I was right there or petting her. I think maybe she'd get disoriented and cry out as much for human assistance as to see what she sounded like in a particular place.

And thank you. :happycry: I hope it does her justice.

Sheree,

Sorry I missed this!! I haven't been online as often and I didn't catch that you had to say goodbye to Cleo.

It's still hard reading of Cleo, even tho' Stripe has been gone now for two years. Tears are running down my cheeks and my heart bleeds for you!!! It's just amazing how much these creatures love and care for us and help us in our lives. Know that my heartfelt prayers and sympathies are with you.:tears::tears:


:hug: :hug: :hug:


RuLyn

*hugs RuLyn* Thank you so much, hon... sorry it took me so long to respond, its still hard to ... well, anything in regards to Cleo. I still don't know how I made that graphic, I can't really bring myself to look at it much yet.