Unsure about my G/F coming to my work

So the girl I'm dating lives about 2 hours from me. We see each other quite a bit though. Anywhere from 3-5 times a week. Anyways she's gonna come down to my area and when we first started seeing each other I invited her to see where I work since the hotel she was staying at was less then a mile from my work. Well, she didn't come in. The guys here have questioned me about if I've been seeing someone and I've said she's just a friend. Well, when I get texts and phones calls from her my face lights up of course.

My problem is the guys here will drill me about things. I don't kiss and tell and I know that they get pretty explicit and I know hearing all this will tick me off. And no matter what, I'll hear it for awhile. So I'm thinking I should tell her exactly how the guys are and the reason why I think it would be best to not come in. She's also one to not mix work and life together. I know I have nothing to worry about since I haven't told em anything that has happened between us. What do you guys think?

RESPECT!!!!

Thats what you need to demand when it comes to your friends and coworkers action/comments towards her.

Yup.


You can't stop them talking that way about their own significant others but you can sure as heck make it clear they can't do it about yours.


dr del

I don't know your girl personally, so I don't know how she feels about it. I'd be offended if my boyfriend told his coworkers that I was "just a friend" and didn't want me to come into his work because he was afraid of some ribbing. I guess it depends on where you work, too. Is it a casual environment or an office-type setting?

My boyfriend works for Aetna in their Network Operations Center, it's a officey, professional-type environment and he doesn't really talk about his personal life at work (he's told me as much). While in some ways I understand that, I've been pretty irritated that he doesn't want a picture of me on his desk. He doesn't hide from coworkers that I'm his girlfriend, though...and I talk to him while he's at work on the phone.

We're long-distance, too (2 hours, like you and your girl)--and because of the hours he works, I haven't been in a position to visit him at work. Considering he needs a magnetic pass to get into the building and I'd have to be on a "list" with Security to even get into the building, I don't know if either he or I would want to go through the hassle for me to actually visit him at work.

So I guess I'm mixed about it. As a woman, I know if I were in the situation you described, I'd be terribly offended. On the other hand, in spite of my irritation about it, I don't press the issue with my boyfriend, who doesn't want a picture of me on his desk. It's a conundrum. I have no idea if what I related helps at all :oops:

I'd be offended too if my b/f (although I'm married) told everyone I was "just a friend".
The problem with that is that you're basically lying. It's not about "kissing and telling", that's completely different. If your friends ask you if you're seeing someone and you say "we're only friends" if, in fact you are more than "only friends", you're lying and opening yourself for a world of crap from not only your coworkers, but also your g/f. If they ask you if you're sleeping with her, that's different *that* would be "kissing and telling" and is no one's business other than your own.

Girls *like* to know that we are *not* "just friends"; we like to know/think that we are more special than that. That doesn't mean we're the kiss and tell type but from a woman's perspective, to say that, especially if it's *not* true, is very disrespectful and cowardly.

If your friends/coworkers want to know if you're seeing someone, tell them "yeah, I am". If they start asking you pointed questions about your relationship tell them "it's none of your business, go get a life".
If you ask your g/f to not come into your work because you don't want your coworkers asking *her* questions and getting lude, that's one thing, but if you don't want her to come in because you've not been honest and her presence will blow your story (which is what it sounds like to me), you're in trouble and no, I would *NOT* discuss that with her. Maybe she doesn't mind being thought of as "just a friend" but if I were your g/f, you'd be in the dog house honey for caring more about yourself and not being a man in the face of your coworkers and simply telling them to mind their own business and not giving me the respect and consideration that I deserve.

Simply put, more people will respect you for being honest about your relationship. As far as kiss and tell, let them know it is none of their business and stick to your guns. You will garner a lot more respect.

You aren't the first one to be ribbed about a relationship. It only hurts a wee bit.
Cowboy up and stand by your girl!:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by AzureN1ght

I don't know your girl personally, so I don't know how she feels about it. I'd be offended if my boyfriend told his coworkers that I was "just a friend" and didn't want me to come into his work because he was afraid of some ribbing. I guess it depends on where you work, too. Is it a casual environment or an office-type setting?

My boyfriend works for Aetna in their Network Operations Center, it's a officey, professional-type environment and he doesn't really talk about his personal life at work (he's told me as much). While in some ways I understand that, I've been pretty irritated that he doesn't want a picture of me on his desk. He doesn't hide from coworkers that I'm his girlfriend, though...and I talk to him while he's at work on the phone.

We're long-distance, too (2 hours, like you and your girl)--and because of the hours he works, I haven't been in a position to visit him at work. Considering he needs a magnetic pass to get into the building and I'd have to be on a "list" with Security to even get into the building, I don't know if either he or I would want to go through the hassle for me to actually visit him at work.

So I guess I'm mixed about it. As a woman, I know if I were in the situation you described, I'd be terribly offended. On the other hand, in spite of my irritation about it, I don't press the issue with my boyfriend, who doesn't want a picture of me on his desk. It's a conundrum. I have no idea if what I related helps at all :oops:

---

Well, I just said she's just a friend cause they sorta knew something was up, and made some really rude nasty comments. And at the time, she was just a friend. We had only seen each other twice. So I wouldn't say she's my g/f. Since then, things has changed. So when I said she's just a friend, they backed off. It's not an office space it's a total "guy" place.

So my biggest problem is my boss' son who has made some VERY nasty comments about women, his ex-g/f and one of my cousin's. I've asked him to stop, and he doesnt. This isn't a "normal" work place by any means. I thought about just telling them yes, I'm seeing a girl, be cool. That's why I made my thread to get some points of view. Also, she's a very private person and only a few people know we are together.

Ahhh, if your workplace is the typical bar/construction site/swimming pool/male hormone raging type of place and she's a private person who would likely NOT take kindly to "manly men" commenting on her THO, how she wiggles and if she calls you "master" in the wee hours.... let her know about "the guys at work" and that you'd reeeeealllly rather not take her, butt first, into the lion's den.
She should be able to hang with that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Shadowspider

Ahhh, if your workplace is the typical bar/construction site/swimming pool/male hormone raging type of place and she's a private person who would likely NOT take kindly to "manly men" commenting on her THO, how she wiggles and if she calls you "master" in the wee hours.... let her know about "the guys at work" and that you'd reeeeealllly rather not take her, butt first, into the lion's den.
She should be able to hang with that.

---

Yeah that's what my concern was. If it was a normal place where people can get in trouble for rude comments, I would have no problem of her coming in. BUT hearing comments all the time as "All women are whore's" gets annoying and old. But of course my counter reply is "The only way a girl can be a whore is if there's a willing man. So how does it make it ok for guys?"

Good for you for speaking up to that kind of talk Mike. It's just guys spouting off and likely talking about it more than they are getting it but it's not really something you'd want to expose your lady to. Why invite her into any environment where she'd be treated like that. As long as she knows you'd love her to visit, the option is there but how most of the guys you work with are...she'll likely choose to not bother to visit anyway...I know I sure wouldn't.

I think that I'd tell her about how the guys around your work talk about women--very candidly. She'll probably opt out of visiting an environment like that, anyway.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by AzureN1ght

I think that I'd tell her about how the guys around your work talk about women--very candidly. She'll probably opt out of visiting an environment like that, anyway.

---

i agree! if i were her i would change my mind about going. btw kudos for standing up for your lady and women every where. imo your coworkers have never been in a happy healthy relationship (judging by their outlook on women) DO NOT let them get to you and drag your relationship down! what ever you decide to do good luck to you and your lady.

I would definately be honest about how things with the guys at your work are with your girlfriend. I don't know how your girlfriend is, but if my husband worked at a place like that and told me about it, I would more than likely not go mostly for my sake and not wanting to be caught in a position like that, but also for his sake to keep him from having to deal with something rude being said all the time. I am sure that if you are honest, she would not take it in the wrong way, and may appreciate you more because of it. Do you get lunch breaks? Maybe see if she could meet you for lunch away from your work or meet up for dinner afterwards....

Good luck!!! :)

It sucks that your work environment is so immature that the idea of bringing a woman into it is enough to make your skin crawl. :(

I appreciate everyones input. Just sucks cause I would like to show her where I work but I'll just tell her whats up with the guys, and I'll tell her I don't want her to be disrespected by my co-workers. Being razzed if one thing. Being asked what goes on ect and seeing guys saying some VERY rude remarks is another.

Hm.. she should walk right in with her head high and you should introduce her to them personally as your girlfriend. :) See, it is simple for people to make fun of someone they've never met. But if they have put a name to a face..
It was funny; I ribbed on Mark alot because of one of his coworkers at the shop.. but once I met the guy, I found out that he is pretty cool and I don't make fun of him now because he is a real name and face in my head, not some guy who did this or that.
The guys at your work sound different than my mild ribbing though; they sound like some real cowards who probably had horrific relationships, probably through their own doing.
Hehe.. Mark and I were at our friend's veggie stand a few weeks ago. Guy we never met comes up to my friend.. Friend asks us "how's married life?" as we are newlyweds. Stranger spouts out something to the tune of, we are morons for getting married. So what does my awesome husband say? "Oh, sounds like someone here can't find a real woman!" Shut the idiot up really quick.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ginevive

Hm.. she should walk right in with her head high and you should introduce her to them personally as your girlfriend. :) See, it is simple for people to make fun of someone they've never met. But if they have put a name to a face..
It was funny; I ribbed on Mark alot because of one of his coworkers at the shop.. but once I met the guy, I found out that he is pretty cool and I don't make fun of him now because he is a real name and face in my head, not some guy who did this or that.
The guys at your work sound different than my mild ribbing though; they sound like some real cowards who probably had horrific relationships, probably through their own doing.
Hehe.. Mark and I were at our friend's veggie stand a few weeks ago. Guy we never met comes up to my friend.. Friend asks us "how's married life?" as we are newlyweds. Stranger spouts out something to the tune of, we are morons for getting married. So what does my awesome husband say? "Oh, sounds like someone here can't find a real woman!" Shut the idiot up really quick.

---

Yeah, all I hear from them is "All women are whores", "She's gonna hurt you cause thats women do" ect ... And of course the sexual nature comments and questions. And these I just get so annoyed with 'cause I really can't do anything about it. My boss' son wanted me to hook him up with my cousin and for a year all I heard was how he's gonna do her ect ... But I'll just tell her what's up. I'm pretty sure she wont wanna come in, and to be honest, It would send me into a fury to hear these comments.

Where I work, we have 30 guys in my department. No women at all. The things that are said daily would make HR cringe....BUT, when one of us brings wifes/girlfriends/family into work, the talk stops. We have respect for each other and for our significant others. Its almost like an unwritten rule or code, known by all guys...you have to demand the respect of your co-workers for your girlfriends sake.

I just decided no need to worry. I'll just keep my mouth closed if they make a remark and eventually they'll cool it 'cause I could be just worrying over nothing. They might not be as bad as I think they'll be.

I would definately visit if I were her. I would walk right in.. it is just how I am. I was never intimidated by Mark's macho crew of construction workers.. they are "the" definition of macho, in fact. If Mark was going into a house to talk about renovations and i was along, I would walk right in and even add to the conversation and I would look them in the eye, and make a smart comeback to anything they could verbally dish out; pretty soon we would be talking politics or religion and finding that we had some things in common. I could start talking handguns, or Jeeps, or even about the finer points of using the powder mix to make mud for drywall rather than buying the overpriced crap in the buckets.. If I had waited in the car, I would forever just be Mark's little girlfriend, and heck, if I were a male in their position I would have nothing to base any assumptions of his girl on other than seeing her glower from the car window! But then again I have a thick skin and tend to become one of the guys easily.. not many women are or want to be like that. When Mark's cousins and uncles stay over a few days for hunting time, I easily can mingle with them. Now if it were a group of his female relatives, or my own for that matter outside of my mom and sister.. I would be searching for thing to say or scaring them with talk of proper ATV riding form and how to gut a deer without rupturing the spleen!

I'm like Jen, I'm the type of woman who doesn't care what others think or have to say about me. My husband use to work on a farm with nothing but a bunch of guys who had no qualms about "man talk". Well, one day, Mike brings me to work with him and there I am, 5 months pregnant with our son, sitting in this barn with 10 guys who all smell like alfalfa and axle grease. All of them are trying to remove a stuck hydrolic hose to no avail. So what do they do, they break out the big guns! They put the hose in the vice clamp and Mike proceeds to get up on the work table to get better leverage with the dohicky (that power tool they use to remove lug nuts from semi's, whatever it's called)... and little ole' pregnant me starts laughing at this image in front of her.
There's my husband, standing on a work table, legs spread, hose clamped in vice between his feet, dohicky in his hands and a bunch of guys standing around asking him "are you a MAN or a MOUSE??"
So little ole' pregnant me starts laughing... everyone turns and looks at me wondering what's so funny. I look at Mike and tell him "Hon, I can't help it. I've *heard* of men wanting to feel the power between their legs before but this is the first time I've ever actually seen it!"

Needless to say, the barn erupted in laughter and "the wife" was pretty cool in the eyes of the "guys" after that.

The guys I work with can get down right nasty. I'm the only woman and I probably talk more crap than any of them. But a while back we had a female material handler come in who was nice looking, She worked there maybe 6 months. I was surprised at how respectful they all were. I was afraid all hell would break loose because they were comfortable talking openly around me. I was thrilled to see they could be gentlemen after all. And yes, I behaved too!!:giggle:

It can definately be tough in the workplace. I work in collections on a team of 8 women (I refer to it as the "PMS Fest" after a bad day of work, lol.) And they can definately be just as vicious as a group of men..! It is interesting to see how a group of people of the same sex can definately group together and get downright nasty sometimes. Ostracization is not uncommon but honestly, from whast I can see, people that are ostracized deserved it.. I personally live life as if I do not care (which really, I don't) and instead of being a suckup or what I call "a caterer" who fawns over people, I have found that you meet better friends this way than going along with the crowd and acting, which gets one nowhere good :) Have your own identity, your own trademark, and wear it proudly, and that is cool.

seems like these guys are crossing the line, and have been doing to for quite sometime..........first i would not let her come in until i have spoken to the ring leader (and you know what i mean, theres always the main guy that starts the stuff) pull him to the side look him right in the eye and tell him that you don't like it, and be firm......they might talk behind your back, you can't stop that but they will respect you when your around, and that's all you can ask! Let your "friend" know the situation, and if she feels she can handle it, then its all good......................girls are tougher than we think, although mine is a little timid, not towards me though!


good luck!