For Justin (stangs13)

Okay Justin in order to be fair about this whole football deal I actually forced myself to sit down and watch some of the Michigan Wolverine vs Notre Dame game today with Mike. I then asked my dear husband to explain various positions to me (football positions....ya nasty minded bunch!)

Justin....why did you NOT tell me I would have a huge brain ache! Aren't I a nice lady that's been kind to you! You could have warned me! I believe I've had some sort of cerebral incident here! Perhaps a sub dural bleed of some sort or other!!!!! All this to attempt to wrap my brain around this football thing. Okay the things I have learned today about this game....

- apparently there are about 700 positions to be played and a heck of a lot of men in identical uniforms show up to play them....how anyone keeps all this straight is anybody's guess as far as I saw

- to organize everyone there is apparently a "play book"....Mike indicated to me this is somehow a sacred object....personally I think it's full of squiggles and resembles something akin to a tic tac toe game gone horribly wrong but who am I to say

- there are half backs and full backs and quarter backs....now I don't mean to tell anyone their business but what happened to the 7/8th backs? perhaps a nice 11/16th back? I mean why show preference to certain fractions over others? Does this upset the Math Club?

- I'm pretty sure the free safety wasn't actually "free" nor is there a "paid full retail" safety....this confuses me and I believe some cerebral fluid escaped my left ear at this point!

- now I get the whole "quarterback tosses the ball as many men racing about madly trying to grab it before someone flattens them into the ground" thing...do they ALL HAVE TO HAVE DIFFERENT FLIPPIN NAMES though!...couldn't they just be referred to as the "run like hell and grab the ball" guys? Boy you people just love to complicate the issue don't you! Just when I got that the Wide Receivers run and catch the ball, Mike tells me the Tight Ends also run and catch the ball....well personally I don't care how well muscled your buttocks are....you should just be a Receiver like the other fella!

- okay what's up with the little guy that comes out, kicks the ball and then goes away never to be seen again? Do the other players not like him and therefore refuse to let him run and catch the ball and get smooshed like all the other nice boys? Seems a tad unfair to the poor little ball kickin fool.

- what is UP with those referree people...they sort of move like this :carrot: yell a lot of incoherent words and wave their arms about....most of time it appears that they are having some sort of seizure???? Is anyone really paying any attention to them or are they there to pass time while people grab another beer?

- it's my vague understanding that there are 4 quarters in a game....each quarter is supposed to be 15 minutes....add in some sort of half-time band stomping about the field event...so why does a football game take 4 hours? Is there some sort of black hole time that football fields are built in? Does the Science Club study this?

- I'm still terribly confused about why the one fellow bends over and the other fellow crouches behind him. Does the bendy over guy ever worry about passing gas? Is there some sort of rule about this? There also seems to be a guy with a towel hanging from his butt? Does this embarrass him to be the towel boy? I mean you'd think they could each bring their own towel! Not so much to ask really. Perhaps since the kicking fellow isn't terribly busy he could remind everyone about the bring your own towel rule?

I've had to make a coffee and take 2 tylenol's and I haven't even started to learn about offense and defense yet and why one guy can't be both (or can he be? oh lordy my brain is SPRAINED!!!)

:rofl: Joanna....you are utterly and undeniably priceless!!! :love:

Ugh Michigan? Is he trying to torture you? The team up north is ICKY!

Oh and Jo, if you can learn genetics, you can learn football. I have faith in ya ;)

Thanks hon. Mike finally stopped explaining plays to me when I threatened to curl up in the corner in a fetal position. Something about a Hail Mary play....funny all these years.....I never knew Mike was a Catholic.

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Originally Posted by catawhat75

Ugh Michigan? Is he trying to torture you? The team up north is ICKY!

Oh and Jo, if you can learn genetics, you can learn football. I have faith in ya ;)

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Not my fault dear, I'm a Canadian married to an American from Michigan. I'm sort of stuck with Michigan teams being married to a sports mad husband (I squeezed in our son's birth during a Red Wings play off series).

Genetics is easy.....punnet squares I get. Football makes no sense at all. Perhaps if they would just do something rather than run about madly for 2.3 seconds then stand about congratulating each other for 10 minutes...well it might interest me more. :) Or they could put on skates! That rocks!

Oh btw since we've moved to Ohio...is there some sort of strange custom here where apparently during a single Ohio vs Michigan football game the locals become crazy???? I'm a bit afraid to mention we're from Michigan. :eek:

If all else fails, they look good in those pants, lol. And did you tell Mike that even IF he is from Michigan, he lives in Ohio, home of the BUCKEYES???

HAHAHAHAHA!! Joanna, that is too funny!!! I tried watching football with my husband once...... I guess I asked him too many questions and he kicked me out....LOL. ****sighs**** Oh well, I am only allowed to watch the superbowl now, and I only do that for the commercials (I know that you are talking about college football, but my husband only watches NFL). I have been slightly dissapointed in the commercials the last couple of years, though.

LOL, I couldn't help but laugh at this one! Way too funny for my blood you are!
My favorite position is the tight end. I just think it's a funny name for a football position.
Maybe you should stick with something easier like Ping Pong or Frisby. There's only one position... I think! lol *jj*
Anyway, thanks for puting a smile on my face, and probably a few other people! lol :D

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Originally Posted by frankykeno

Oh btw since we've moved to Ohio...is there some sort of strange custom here where apparently during a single Ohio vs Michigan football game the locals become crazy???? I'm a bit afraid to mention we're from Michigan. :eek:

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And yes, we become even more nuts during that game, lol. If its bad up there, imagine how it is here in Columbus, no one in their right mind wears the team up north stuff during that weekend unless they want trouble!

Well I must say I do enjoy the whole tight pants thing. It's my belief that the team that employs the quarterback with the nicest bum should just win whatever trophy or other is up for grabs.

People in Ohio are nuts! They actually advised people from Michigan driving in for the last game to not park a vehicle with MI plates in certain areas! I suppose teaching young Michael to chant "Go Blue! Bucks Suck!" isn't a very good idea. ;)

Sunny I think a lot of people are just watching to see if there's another "wardrobe malfunction". I actually was watching that game. Typical me I was up getting somebody a beer when Janet flashed the world. I missed the only darned interesting bit in that whole game! (sure Janet, it was a "malfunction", just like your freak of a brother hasn't had much plastic surgery :P )

Okay I'll admit it, I only went to the Super Bowl deal for the snacks okay! That's one American tradition I've really grown to enjoy. :D

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Originally Posted by catawhat75

And yes, we become even more nuts during that game, lol. If its bad up there, imagine how it is here in Columbus, no one in their right mind wears the team up north stuff during that weekend unless they want trouble!

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Or for OU vs. Tex(ass) weekend at that(if anyone attended/attends UT, I feel sorry for you :P )

Joanna that was perfect lol. Thank you for the laugh.

I love watching football, only college football though. My husband explained it to me almost 3 years ago and you know what? I still don't get it all. I think it is built into a mans genetics. I swear they are born with the knowledge of football.

I do have to say though, my favorite team is Boise State. My husband is from Boise and is a HUGE fan. I love watching them play.

Personally, I know basketball like the back of my hand. I haven't watched it in a few years though. I also love Hockey, thats a fun sport to watch.

joanna that was hilarious! i agree kristy, i think men are born with the knowledge of football and how the whole thing works. maybe it's kind of like how women have a maternal instinct?

the people i work with are almost all football fanatics so we have an office fantasy football league. i participate in this for fun and so that i can participate in the monday morning office smack talk but really i have no idea what i'm doing. when my office mates found out that i have ladanian tomlinson on my team they gave me dirty looks to which i replied, "la-who? who's that?" they nearly burnt me at the stake.

Huh? Wasn't she the actress on Laugh In that said one ringy dingy...no wait...that was Lily Tomlin...never mind! :D

Mike watches both college and pro football, has an online fantasy football thing going on AND plays football on the Xbox. He thinks I can learn football by playing the Xbox games. I doubt it will work since I don't understand football and pretty much can't stand the Xbox either LOL. I think I'm hopeless.

Jo,

You made my morning....Thanks
Kinda reminded me of Andy Griffiths "What it was, was football". For those who have never heard of it, or those who want to relieve it again click the link below. Again Jo.....Thank you for the good laugh.

http://www.lyricsvault.net/songs/19827.html

rofl.... well put LOL

Justin

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Originally Posted by Ironhead

Again Jo.....Thank you for the good laugh.

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You're welcome Carl. I live to have people laugh at my pitiful attempts to learn sports LMAO! :rolleye2: On the upside, it's Sunday so apparently even more football games are on...whooopdeefrickendoo!

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Originally Posted by Purrrfect9

Or for OU vs. Tex(ass) weekend at that(if anyone attended/attends UT, I feel sorry for you :P )

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You got a problem with us, you color stealin' bandits?:D:P

Seems like you put in alot of effort! LOL!


I should make a book and send it to you.

Alrighty then.


There are 11 offensive players and 11 defensive players on the field at a time, if there is more or less, its a penalty, and a loss of yards.

I will line it up for you

S
S
c L M L
C e n t e
W W oo0oo w
Q
RB
FB

All the basic positions, there will be diffrent formations. The resevers will line up in diffrent ways, there will be tight ends, shotguns, blitz, shades, etc.

The offensive line is basibcly the most important thing on the field, becasue without them, there would be a dead QB and a defensive touchdown. And all caos.

LT LG C RG RT

I will finish this when I get back from church....

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S
S
c L M L
C e n t e
W W oo0oo w
Q
RB
FB

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Okay Justin am I supposed to create words from this or perhaps you've been playing too much football and missed some english classes????

WWoo0oow to you too dear (poor child....really you'd think they would teach them to spell by high school wouldn't you!) :P

well my brain starting bleeding a little just reading justin's post... oh jo how ever did you manage to make it through a longer set of lessons???

i went to one game, one time. it was fun, i was cheering and laughing and then we went for more beer... (it was a break time) and when we came back i started cheering and laughing again and then i realized... "OMGOD, STOP STOP!!!!!" i stood up and yelled "STOP STOP... HEY... THEY ARE RUNNING THE WRONG WAY!!!!" i was so panicked. i figured... oh great and just when they have some points now they are working for the wrong team!

everyone started laughing... i didn't find anything funny with a team being deceitful and trying to loose the game and give the other team points...

and then my boyfriend whispered to me... "they changed ends"

i guess it's like in hockey, when they decide the grass is greener (or the ice is slippier) on the other side of the rink so they swap...

after that day... i was done with sports. never watched them since. i was 18 (and yes it is legal to drink at 18 in alberta!)

OMG Aleesha HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's priceless!

ya it was priceless alright... it was years before i lived it down :giggle: there i was, trying to impress this new boyfriend and acting all cool, pretending to know what football was... :rofl: he did figure out i knew nothing :P

I had that all fixed up when i was typing it, then all of a sudden when I pressed submit, it all squished together!! Sorry.

That's hilarious aleesha