how to deal with an ex

just seeking advice from people who dont judge me or know me that well ya know?

so my ex and i were together perfectly happy for 8 1/2 months. we had small normal arguments nothing ever out of hand. and one day out of the blue she says she needs time apart just wants to be single. i had no idea what to think. its been 2 months since that happen, we still talk just about daily. she still comes and hangs out and gets all cuddly and stuff. she calls me when she needs to talk or needs advice but when i call to talk shes got something better to do. and 2 nights ago she kissed me and it really felt good and like it ment something abd today she ignores my calls/texts all day and goes out drinking with her "friends" (drinking buddies).

i dont know what to do. i care about her alot but she really treats me like crap alot. and all of my friends tell me to drop it and move on but i cant. trust me i think about it and i know i would end up being happier with out her treatin me like garbage.

sorry to rant just had to get that out.

FORGET ABOUT HER !!!
Life is way to short to be dealing with this BS, she wants to play games, kick her to the curb....
I know it sucks, but we've all been there, you'll find someone better, someone who actually CARES ABOUT YOU...

Good Luck

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Originally Posted by steelrain

FORGET ABOUT HER !!!
Life is way to short to be dealing with this BS, she wants to play games, kick her to the curb....
I know it sucks, but we've all been there, you'll find someone better, someone who actually CARES ABOUT YOU...

Good Luck

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true. I would stand up to her and tell her "Do you want to be with me or not because If not I have to move on with my life."

If she says anything with a "but". She obvisously do not know what she wants or confused OR seeing someone else but want to keep you on the side just in case the other man fails.

8months is not that long. I would leave now before she leads you on to deep. Its going to be harder the longer she plays with your emotions.

But if she truly loves you. Leave her and see what she does. Wait a couple of weeks and call her.

IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!

STAY STRONG AND DONT HAVE HER PERCEIVE YOU AS WEAK!

Good luck. Hope something what ive said helped.

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Originally Posted by steelrain

FORGET ABOUT HER !!!

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I totally agree. If she only wants to hang out or talk when it is convenient for her, then obviously she isn't a real friend either. Just don't hang out with her anymore, this is only going to lead to further heartache and confusion. There much better girls out there, girls that will treat you right and not lead you around. Good luck!

I wouldn't even really give her an option of being with you. But then I'm more for the "you get one shot with me and that's it" type person. But chances are if she's pulling this BS now she will be later too. If you give her a serious chance and sit down and talk with her she might be better for a little while but most likely down the road she would do the same thing. So while it's hard to give up on someone, there are much better people out there who are actually worth your time.

She's playing games with ya man. Watch what happens when she calls you up one night and you say 'i have a date...gotta go. Bye'

her ---> :taz:

Don't get played with. Move on with your life. Cut all ties...I promise, it feels great to meet new people.

its so hard though. i have tried to just not call her but it never lasts.

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Originally Posted by nathanledet

She's playing games with ya man. Watch what happens when she calls you up one night and you say 'i have a date...gotta go. Bye'

her ---> :taz:

Don't get played with. Move on with your life. Cut all ties...I promise, it feels great to meet new people.

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Agreed. Go out and talk to at least 10 new girls, but dont talk about your situation to them. Just get to know them and get the number of the ones your interested in and take them out for dinner.

sounds good. thanks yall. to be honest i dont even know where to go to meet girls now that i quit drinking. hm.

You'll never be happy if you allow someone to treat you badly. Fill your life with people who make you a better person, and fill your life with happiness. It's not worth it to try to make a square peg fit into a round hole. It may hurt a bit now, but it's better than years of misery. I'd walk away myself.

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Originally Posted by DSGB

its so hard though. i have tried to just not call her but it never lasts.

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Yes it is. Ive been there. Trust me. Keep your mind away from that. Do something productive like build a rack or cage. Eventually you will forgot about her and dont care.

**take everything that you own that reminds you of her and put it away in a dark place***


I was seeing this one girl for 3months before I went to bootcamp and I missed her so much. I wrote her several letters and she only wrote to me 2 or 3times. When I came back she was doing the same thing your ex was doing and I stopped calling her.

its hard. I still think about it once in awhile, but man! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GIRLS ARE OUT THERE LOOKING FOR A CARING GUY THAT ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS! A lot.

So BE STRONG!

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Originally Posted by DSGB

to be honest i dont even know where to go to meet girls

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Craigslist has a unique adult sextion.... :8:

i appreciate it. im gonna try my hardest not to call her anymore. its like a habbit ya know? gotta quit her and cigarettes. tough stuff.

Delete her number from your cell phone.

One thing I did when my g/f of 2 years dumped me was I consumed myself with the hobbies and things I enjoyed the most. I hung out with a lot of my friends that were older and understood what I went through...we had a lot of poker nights and such...that stuff is great, and really helps you to move forward.

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Originally Posted by nathanledet

Craigslist has a unique adult sextion.... :8:

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Lol. Go there too. But other places my be schools, parks(read a book on a bench and compliment someone..then start a conversation), malls( as a girl for help), reptile shop(a girl that enjoys the hobby is a plus), etc...There a plethora of places.

yeah ive just been out of the game for a while. i would LOVE LOVE LOVE to meet a girl who loves ball pythons as much as i do. i know theres one out there for me. wish me luck guys.

They are out there man...you can count on that.

You won't know till you date them...Ideally, what I would look for would be an open minded person. and by open minded, I mean a girl that may not have any encounters with reptiles of any sort, but won't say something snotty like "oh my gosh they're so gross i don't see why anyone would want that"....CHECK PLEASE!

A girl that shows a little bit of interest in your hobbies for which you have a passion for is the type of person you want to be with. You can share those passions with her, and certainly she can open up and share some of her hobbies with you as well. I like to think, opposites attract.

opposites attract thats true. me n my ex were to much alike and we both always had to have the last word. well its late n i gotta work in the morning. thanks for the advice everyone. -Billy

wow... u already go lots of great advice so i'll just say good luck and have fun!

i had a similar situation as you.. quiet similar... except i allowed the mind games to last .. um.. yea like 7months.... honestly dude it's hard to walk away. it just never felt right.. but basically dude you just got to talk with her straight up and just start off with "where do we stand?" and say what you feel. if that can't clear everything, then well you cleared all that's on your mind and should feel better walking away. i know i sure did. best of luck to you man.

Billy, I'm going to give you slightly different advice. Stop thinking about where to meet a replacement for this girl for now. If you don't figure out why you got so attached to someone who treats you like a convenience, you're really likely to end up with another manipulative user type female. Instead of spending time figuring out how to replace her or if you should call her or not, get yourself busy. Work, hobbies (that take you OUT of the house), join a herp group, go to every snake show within 100 miles of your home, etc. Volunteer at the zoo, the humane society, etc.

The benefits of this...

- you will be too "busy" if Miss User phones
- you'll meet girls who like to be around snakes and other animals
- you'll meet girls in a non-dating situation so you'll get to see if they really are nice girls or not
- you're likely to make new friends of both sexes and that's always a good thing (likely you lost some old drinking buddies as you mentioned you don't drink anymore)
- you always find the best person when you aren't looking for them
- your self-esteem will go up - when you volunteer or join in activities it always helps a person feel better about themselves - better self-esteem and a happier attitude usually means better choices

Lastly, Billy, go look in the mirror. Is the man looking back at you someone who deserves to be treated like crap just because some girl doesn't have the brains and moral standards to know better than to treat you like that? Would you really want a woman like this to be your future wife and mother your kids some day? I'd bet you really wouldn't.

Delete her number from your cell, get yourself so busy you don't have time to waste on her and take some time to decide what you really want in a partner and what you can bring to that relationship. You'll do fine. :)

Ignore her. If she calls you up, tell her you have plans. If she tries to call you, send her to voicemail. I had an ex that i let be a monkey on my back, and it almost cost me my current relationship and now-marriage. She can't have her cake and eat it too! It's either date you, or adios, I think, this is how it should be.

I agree with much of the above information, but mostly with Jo.


I had a situation much like yours. But I let it drag out for 2 YEARS. I only realize how miserable I was, now, after things have ended. During the whole thing, I thought, "I can live with this, it'll be all right."

The best advice is also the hardest: end it, end it fast, quick, and clean. Delete her number, delete her from your life. It sucks, I know. I had to do the same thing, mostly for my own sanity (after 2 years of being dragged around, I was really a mess). I picked up a second job, started working every second I could, pulling 75-80 hours a week. And what time I wasn't working (or sleeping) I was spending with my friends, the people who honestly cared about me, who stuck through those 2 years even when I traded them for Frank. I was doing so much that I didn't have any time to think about him... and when I did, I was around people who knew me and could talk to me and help me cope. I know it seems like you're alone---and, in a way, you are. But there are always people willing to listen and help, family, friends, even here on the forums :)

I didn't immediately look for another guy... and, after 8 months, I'm still not really looking. I figure something'll hit me when it's right. I've moved on, grown up, found a LOT of stuff out about myself, made some excellent new friends (and still have the old ones), a great new job...

It seemed so hard at first, and there were times when I hurt so much I thought I would rather die than keep hurting... but it is perhaps one of the best things that I ever did. I'm a better person for it. And, when the time comes---again, not really in any hurry, but, who knows? ;)---I'll really know what I want in a partner.

Hope this helps.

Think of it as a learning experience. I wouldnt give her another chance to tell you the truth.

She'd rather spend time with her friends than you???come on now. Shes to much into herself. Putting you 2nd. Not even worth a 2nd chance :colbert:

thanks again everyone. great advice. so i talked to her today just so i can get my dvds and clothes from her house. she was really upset that i had to end it like this. she wants to just be "friends". so i say well i thought i wanted more than that but i have come to realize that i dont even want you anymore. and being friends just aint gonna work.

but i have plenty to keep me busy outside the house. i need more snakes!!!!!!!!!!! cause when im home my one little guy just aint enough to keep my busy. ill take donations, (pieds anyone?) i wish.

but i really want to thank you all for the advice. my friends have all told me the same thing but i thought they said it just because they knew she was a :cens0r::cens0r::cens0r::cens0r::cens0r: and never liked her. so to hear it from complete strangers made me realize wow im an idiot.

Good for you. Know it's hard, but it's the best thing!


Frank was p*ssed when I told him I didn't want to see him ever again... that I wanted all my stuff back. Even after he had cheated on me, was seeing someone else, and basically told me the only reason he was keeping me around was just in case it didn't work out with her... he was mad at me??? HUH? Lol... and played it off like he was the one telling me to get lost.

I can laugh about it now, about how stupid and childish it all was. Someday, you will too. Good luck in all your future endeavors!

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Originally Posted by DSGB

but i have plenty to keep me busy outside the house. i need more snakes!!!!!!!!!!! cause when im home my one little guy just aint enough to keep my busy. ill take donations, (pieds anyone?) i wish.

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maybe if i had more to spare! lol. but, all i have is my two normals and u can't have 'em!:P

Run Away Fast.... :bolt:

Seriously Girls like that love the drama, and the attention. She will only play games with you from here on out.

Trust me, from a female who has grown up and learn a few of lifes lessons the hard way.

I was in a situation with a guy who did the same thing. I let it happen for 3 years. He lied, cheated, stole from people, let drugs consume him and worst of all I had a child with that fool. Completely unplanned suprise at 18 years old. I stuck it out through my pregnancy and he got worse and worse, started abusing me getting more and more into drugs. I felt trapped. I had a 4 month old baby and no money. I was a train wreck, and I was sober. <------- that story has a happy ending but we'll save that for later.

What I am getting at is don't let her consume you. Break it off completely now. Spend time with your friends, enjoy being single for a while, have some fun. Its hard at first, to not think about that person. Before you know it a very nice lady will come into your life and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. With respect and like a human being. I wouldn't spend your time looking for other girls to replace her like mentioned by others, just have fun.

what a load of ...........fabulous advice :D

I agree with mostly all of the advice here and can add little but one sentence.

"When you respect yourself you will empower others to respect you and if they dont they are not the people to share your life with in any capacity"

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

:rockon:

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Originally Posted by DSGB

made me realize wow im an idiot.

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Nope you're not (first rule here...no more mean talking yourself okay). You just got caught up in something in that relationship that kept you a bit hooked to her but you're seeing the light now. It happens, doesn't matter whether you're 20, 40 or 60, it just does happen. In the end though it'll be about how you learn from it, grow from it and move forward that really counts. That's where the good stuff ends up coming from. :)

dam. so i screwed up tonight and went and brought her stuff to her. and she sat there and told me how she will change and doesnt want me out of her life, and that she cares about me. and i gave in. so i sat there and made her point out all the bad and hurtful things that she has been doing to me, mostly lying, and not even 5 minutes later she lied she said she was going out for dinner with her girlfriends, so i was like where at? and shes like uh... i dunno if we are or not. so i say what are you going to drink again? and yes she is.

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaokihgoaeirhgouihg

so i said my goodbyes and left her in a puddle of tears.

so im headed home and she calls. i answer. she says (in a nut shell) "from now on i will never lie to you again blah blah." and i give her another chance.

it sucks cause i went there basically to tell her im done and we are over and it turns into this. both of us spilling our hearts out to each other. my problem is being so forgiving. like we can fight all day long and stay at each others throats and at the end of the day we both usually apologize and have a gr8 time together.

rabble rabble rabble

Bad relationships can be like an addictive drug. If you allow yourself the least bit of wishy-washy-ness on the matter of quitting...you're going to continue to give into temptation.


When you're ready...you need to steel your heart and make the decision to "quit her" in your deepest being...no matter what. Prepare yourself for the inevitable withdrawal symptoms that are going to come. It WILL hurt. You WILL miss her and find yourself wanting to be with her. And she WILL do her damndest to tempt and taunt you back into her life so she can keep you on her string. (She's likely as addicted to you as you are to her....but unfortunately, she's also addicted to her lifestyle of drinking and partying and being with whoever is convenient for the moment.) You have to decide ahead of time...before you face these hurdles...how you will get over them.

Don't forget this thread is here. Tons of great advice to help remind you why your decision (when you finally make it) is the right one.

I wish you all the best....I know it's not an easy thing to get through.

Ouch....I know where your coming from. I was in a somewhat similar situation with an ex, but we had been together for almost 4 years. And just recently my brother's girlfriend toyed with him like this. She said that if she dated girls while she was dating him it wasn't cheating *grrr* and did it even though he didn't like it. He would catch her, she would cry and make him feel bad b/c she cried, and he'd give her another chance. She played him over and over and over again. Every time, tears, "I'm so sorry...it'll never happen again" and not a few weeks later she was making out with another girl. I have a very strong opinion of girls like that....and not one I can put on a family friendly forum. Once my brother finally stood up and said he wasn't going to deal with it any more, she freaked, cried, called nonstop, but when he finally stood his ground, she just quit. With in a week or so she had another boyfriend, *and* a girlfriend. She just want's someone to toy with. You may really honestly care about her, but it's not honest feelings being retuned.

It's not easy, but you'll eventually have to stand your ground and just say no.

Sorry about the rant, the thing with my brother happened really recently and I still get all worked up. There is someone that will treat you with the respect that you deserve, and actually mean it.

looks like she has you figured out but you dont have yourself figured out yet.

Personally I would remove myself from this situation and spend some time with other people and girls and focus on seeing how other people behave and treat you rather than giving in each time she cries and says she will change.

I doubt she will , most dont tbh IMO.

Best of luck but I think your making a mistake prolonging the agony that will be.

Hope I am wrong and she realises and changes for the better, though I cant see it.

haha dude I basicly went through the same thing (minus the giving in part) 9 months, she sucked as a girlfriend towards the end. Trust me, just ignore her. it'll all work out in your favor. it did for me anyways (started dating a girl who ive known for a long time but just never actually thought about in that way and shes the best.) and now my ex is alone and VERY bitter haha I actually like hearing the things she has to say about me (she sent my family a christmas card and left me out of it HAHAHA) and I LOVE the fact that after we broke up she gained about 10 pounds. :D. funny stuff. in short, LEAVE HER.

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Originally Posted by tigerlily

You'll never be happy if you allow someone to treat you badly. Fill your life with people who make you a better person, and fill your life with happiness. It's not worth it to try to make a square peg fit into a round hole. It may hurt a bit now, but it's better than years of misery. I'd walk away myself.

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Excellant advise. When all else fails, follow your bliss. Is it making your feel good, feel happy? If you stop calling her she will show more interest in you. But you should just let it go. I know its hard but its only a temporary bummer.