etiquette question

all my life i've known that you are NEVER, under ANY circumstances, supposed to wear a white dress to somebody else's wedding. is this no longer true? or did i just make it up in my head? i've been to two weddings in the last month and a half and there was a girl at both wearing a white dress.... and both were about the same style that my dress will most likely be. both of these girls are young, probably fresh out of high school. is it possible that they've never heard this? or they just don't care? or am i just really making things up in my head?

all i know is that if somebody shows up to my wedding in a white dress, they will be going home to change. and that's that!

I saw it too a couple times... But it was someone who did it intentionally to piss off the bride, and don't worry in all cases she took a lot of heat over it... One of them left crying, the other accidentally had red wine spilt on her.

Don't send them home... Just revel in the treatment they will get from your friends and family all night and enjoy your own night for what it is... Your night.

They may be wearing a white dress, but you're the one wearing *the* white dress. :)

but the problem is, i'm having an outdoor wedding in the end of july so i'll be wearing a tea length dress.... as in, just below my knees. and the girls' dresses were VERY similar to what i have in mind.... maybe i can put something in the invitation.... lol!


btw... i almost spilled a red drink on the BRIDE tonight!!! would have been a BAD situation! lol

Seriously, Don't worry about it. If anyone is looking at them because they are wearing a white dress thats similar in cut it's not because they're thinking they look nice. Its because they're all thinking they're trampy and lacking class for wearing a white dress to someone else's wedding.

What someone else is wearing *really* shouldn't take away from your day... So just don't worry about it, and if it does happen, again don't worry about it. The one and only thing people don't have control over in life is what other people do, the greater the separation you have from them (the less close you are) the less control you have. No one who you care about would ever wear a white dress to your wedding. If someone does it won't be someone close to you or your friends and family, and trust me, they'll get the hint it wasn't appropriate just by the way everyone treats them.

Focus not on what other people are doing at your wedding, but on what you and your close family and friends are doing to make it the most important day of your life.

yeah, i know... it's just annoying is all. thanks!

I was a wedding planner at one time. Yes, it's bad form to wear white to a wedding, unless the bride is wearing a color other than white.

Honestly, if I were you, I would call or email those girls and inform them of their gaffe, in a nice way. Not everyone has been taught what is right, and most people are happy to have the advice.

i have no idea who they are. otherwise, i would've probably pulled them aside and mentioned that in the future, it probably wasn't a good idea. but, being that i'm a complete stranger....

Ah, well that is a bit different, then!

Here's a site that might amuse you:
Etiquette Hell
I've spent hours there, over the years!

haha... That site is great!

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Originally Posted by GirDance

haha... That site is great!

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yeah, i'm gonna have to remember that one! thanks sarah!

That's the first I've ever heard of that one. I guess it's a good thing that I never wore white to a wedding. :O The only thing I've ever heard is that no one but the groom is supposed to wear black (if the groom chooses to wear a black tux that is).

Honestly, if it were me (being the bride) and was conserned about what colors people were wearing, I would have a hard time ignoring it and just having a good time at my wedding and reception. I would be having someone ask (ok, demand) that they go home and change; explain why, of course and do so politely, but change. But that's just me and who I am. Some people would be able to brush it off but it would actually *ruin* my wedding day if I knew that all my friends were giving dirty looks and being snide to someone because they were wearing white. I'd just have them change so no one has any reason to be pissy in the first place and so *everyone* can enjoy the occasion without having anything to nit pick and grumble about after the fact.

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is it possible that they've never heard this?

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That is exactly what it is. For the most part these people just don't know any better. It always helps to put the word out that anyone wanting to attend needs to dress appropriately.

Im getting married in 19 days....i hope that every one knows not to do this i can see my bride crying all night because of it. we to are getting married out side on a golf course and i would tell you what her dress was like but i cant see it LOL. Congrats on your marrige soon to be!

thanks, you too! good luck!

Argh! You reminded me of one of my trampy aunts who wore a white (sequined!) dress to my sister's wedding. Blech! And she took about half of the leftover pastries home, without being offered to, without helping us clean up the hall we rented.
Completely tasteless. Is it wrong to say that I am not sad she is not making it to my wedding in a few weeks?
At mine, what people are wearing will be the last thing on my mind. My dress will outshine anything that they can concoct. But I thought about it; if you are wearing a white dress that is more "normal" and not a huge wedding concoction, yes I do no see anything wrong with putting something in your invitation that says "refrain from wearing white" in a nice way.
Also, if you plan on not having kids at your reception; please state that in your invite! I reallllly wish that we had done this. There might be some people who bring kids, even though we mentioned that they are not allowed; heh, they might find themselves sitting on the floor, as it is assigned seats.. lol.

yeah, i wouldn't be upset about the missing aunt! lol... there will definitely be kids at my wedding! there would be too many broken hearts otherwise!

I think that adding a note to your invites would be tacky. If these two girls are invited to your wedding, a private "I noticed that you wore a white dress to X's wedding. Since my dress is simple and similar in style, I'd prefer you wore something else to my wedding. Thanks."

I'd also just spread the news word of mouth. Tell your cousins, your mom, your future MIL, grandmothers, and aunts about the girls you saw at the weddings, and how "upset you'd be if someone was to wear white to your wedding since your dress is simple and cocktail length," and encourange them to spread it around. I've found that word-of-mouth spreads gossip faster then email in my family. ;)

That's a tough one, calling out someone's mistake like that. Yeah, no all white or cream to a wedding...but tough to tell someone that politely.

I generally have frustrations with people who don't know how to wear particular ranges of clothes altogether. I remember attending a wedding where a young lady was wearing a tank top short dress - the dress itself was fine, but what I had a problem with was she was wearing monstrous heels with the dress, no hose and standing like the Rhodes of Colleus - feet planted far apart, knees locked, arms crossed. Honey, you are at a wedding and you need to behave differently than when you are wearing jeans and at a bowling alley. In my opinion, in formal occasions, you need to wear hose and be more lady like. It's just more polished.

Also drives me crazy when men don't know how to wear suits or how to behave properly when wearing them...we as a people just don't practice those behaviors anymore. I used to have to teach guys how to walk, sit, stand, etc. when wearing suits when I was a costumer, just to help them look more naturally in the attire.

Personally, I always thought it would be fun to request all guests attending a wedding to black or white so that I as the bride could be the only one in color (like RED!) or something...

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Also drives me crazy when men don't know how to wear suits or how to behave properly when wearing them...we as a people just don't practice those behaviors anymore. I used to have to teach guys how to walk, sit, stand, etc. when wearing suits when I was a costumer, just to help them look more naturally in the attire.

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So you're saying you DON'T like the tux with poka dot bow tie, dirty golf shoes and striped socks look? :O LOL Or that it's rather distasteful for a guy in a suit or tux to sit, spread eagle in a chair and pull his pant legs half up to his knees to show off those sexy, hairy legs... and stiped socks? :D

I'm in agreement with, put a note in the invites about dress and color. That way no one has to feel bad or guilty (or get upset) after the fact, especially if they didn't know about the white dress thing. Advance warning can save a lot of hurt feelings and/or misunderstandings.
Weddings are stressfull enough and seeing as how the idea is to try and plan out as much as possible *in advance* so that things run more smoothly, word of mouth or a little blurb in the invites could help a lot before the big day arrives.

Makes me glad I got married at the courthouse. :D

thanks for all the advice! yeah, word of mouth definitely rules in my family! and i have almost a year so maybe it could work... and matt's family for the mostpart is more polished than mine so hopefully they would know better! lol. we'll see!