I need help with my life

I am tired of always being picked on, pushed around, and disrespected by my adoptive parents. honestly they are the reason I have so many suicidle thoughts. I just feel like my life is worthless to them. they could have cared less that my blood donation went horribly wrong this week( took me less than 5 min to fill up a pint bag of blood. I blacked out and couldn't wake up, threw up and went into shock) . My best friend had to come get me. If it wasn't for him and My Kyna girl i would be out of here. I want whats best for kyna and if I ran away she would probably be killed by my dad. I love my best friend like he was my husband and I want to marry him someday but until then I have to endure hell everyday. You are all considered friends of mine and I want you to know that it means alot to me that you would read this little blurb on my life. My parents never listen to me and just the thought of you taking time out of your life and you not even knowing me, makes me feel not so alone. What do I do? I want to meet my biological family soooo badly but im not allowed to. I know where my father lives and could call him if I really wanted to.. Should I just go with the flow and wait until next year to meet him or do I just call him up and tell him that I really need him in my life. Its killing me inside and I need help. what would you do?? :sigh2:

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Originally Posted by RoyalGuardian

I am tired of always being picked on, pushed around, and disrespected by my adoptive parents. honestly they are the reason I have so many suicidle thoughts. I just feel like my life is worthless to them. they could have cared less that my blood donation went horribly wrong this week( took me less than 5 min to fill up a pint bag of blood. I blacked out and couldn't wake up, threw up and went into shock) . My best friend had to come get me. If it wasn't for him and My Kyna girl i would be out of here. I want whats best for kyna and if I ran away she would probably be killed by my dad. I love my best friend like he was my husband and I want to marry him someday but until then I have to endure hell everyday. You are all considered friends of mine and I want you to know that it means alot to me that you would read this little blurb on my life. My parents never listen to me and just the thought of you taking time out of your life and you not even knowing me, makes me feel not so alone. What do I do? I want to meet my biological family soooo badly but im not allowed to. I know where my father lives and could call him if I really wanted to.. Should I just go with the flow and wait until next year to meet him or do I just call him up and tell him that I really need him in my life. Its killing me inside and I need help. what would you do?? :sigh2:

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How exactly are you picked on, pushed around and dsrespected by your parents? This can help a lil on giving advice to you.

They make fun of me all the time. they tell me that I will never amount to anything. They harrass me about everything and even when I try really hard to do everything they ask of me perfectly they always find the smallest hint of a problem and blow up at me. There isnt a night that I'm not yelled at and sent to my room. I try so hard at school and stuff but I'm not perfect and thats what they want. They wont settle for less than perfect.

I don't think anyone can really advise you on what to do, not knowing the people involved, but I would definitely tell you to be prepared for rejection or disappointment if you do decide to contact your birth family members.
I tracked down my birth mother when I was 21, and we rarely talk. When we do, it's pretty awkward and not at all fulfilling. I also know some adoptive/birth people that have reunited, and even when it's good, it's still a lot of hard work to build something that resembles a relationship. I don't know a single person who has said meeting solved any problems or was in any way an easy step to take.
My heart is with you, whatever you decided. I do know how hard this decision is to make, and the consequences are never what was expected.

Also, with your comment of suicidal thoughts, here's my view. I live by this actually ... No matter how bad you have it, someone else has it WAY worse then you. It's hard if you say what happens with you is true. But the best way tp deal with it is to talk to a teacher at school. Tell them what is going on and go from there.

Thank you. sorry to hear about your birth mom but I think my dad and I may get along really well. We are both into computers(geek runs in my blood i guess) he is a software designer in san diego and I am in school to learn how to become a 3-D Computer graphics animator. I think that.. I will give him a call. Cross your fingers for me if you would cause I will need alot of love and support to get through this. Hopefully he will be responsive and friendly. cause the goddess knows what will happen to my heart if I'm rejected. I have been let down so many times in my life and I hope this isnt another one of those times.

Isn't there a social worker that is involved when people adopt? if not talk to a counsler at school. but you should diffenetly talk to someone if you are having any kinda of thought like that..best of luck, hope things get better for you.

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Originally Posted by Vomitore

Also, with your comment of suicidal thoughts, here's my view. I live by this actually ... No matter how bad you have it, someone else has it WAY worse then you. It's hard if you say what happens with you is true. But the best way tp deal with it is to talk to a teacher at school. Tell them what is going on and go from there.

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I know but that isnt my life. all I want are parents who love me and I need to know if this heart break will go away if I get love from atleast one parent of mine. all my life i have been treated like dirt, or a rock in someones shoe, or one of those itches you can't seem to scratch well enough to satisfy. I know people are starving around the world but im starving too but im love starved(cept from my friends). Its all I want is a mom to tell me how pretty I look or a father who supports my wants in life.

How long have you been with this particular adoptive family? Is the way they're treating you a new phenomenon? Have you talked to them about how they make you feel?

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Originally Posted by RoyalGuardian

Its all I want is a mom to tell me how pretty I look or a father who supports my wants in life.

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Heh, I know exactly how that feels, it's all I've ever wanted as well. My father is dead, I rejected my adoptive mom, and my birth mom is a dud. I have to borrow other people's parents a lot, like when Becky and her mom helped me shop for Lobby Day.

I really hope things go well if you make that call. I'm not into gods or goddesses, but as a humanist, I'll certainly be here if you have questions or just want to talk. I'm not at all shy about sharing the details of my own experience, and now I'm a parent of my own 15 yr old daughter, so I believe I have some insight. Maybe even a little wisdom :P

In my experience, obsessing and stressing out over how much your life sucks will just make you more unhappy. I've been there and done that, and I made myself miserable about things I had no control over.

Make a list of the things that make you unhappy. Divide it into two groups...things you can change, and things you cannot. Work on the first list, and shrug off the second. Find things that make you happy. At worst you have maybe a few more years in this situation, and I know that seems like eternity now but believe me, it's nothing.

The best thing about living through hell is that you can look back and laugh at it all; and when life gets rough you'll know you can handle it, because you've already been through the worst. I spent three years with an abusive, dishonest, deceitful husband. When I think of all the things I went through, nothing in the future holds any worry for me, because none of it can possibly be as bad as what I've already survived. And if I can survive that, I can survive anything. You can too.

Just speaking from personal experiance with my own life.
My parents treated me like crap. They thought I was worthless, despite all I did for them.
You are looking for outside approval. Forget it. Until you decide you are worthwhile, you'll be misrable. Don't think that your 'birth father' will love you and make you feel good about yourself. Don't lean on others, because they won't be able to supply that feeling. You have to realzie that you are a person, and you deserve to be happy.
Talk to a councelor, at school or whereever. Talk to friends. But until you stand up on your hindlegs and say "I'm worth more than this." you won't find happiness. I had to do it. It took me a long time to realize that I deserved to live.
Sorry if this seems harsh, but it's truth, from my reality. I only want to help you. You can be a strong, powerful, successful person. But ONLY you can become that person. No amount of help, no amount of love, and no amount of talking to you can make that happen. It only comes from inside you. And it's there.
Wolfy

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Originally Posted by RoyalGuardian

I know but that isnt my life. all I want are parents who love me and I need to know if this heart break will go away if I get love from atleast one parent of mine. all my life i have been treated like dirt, or a rock in someones shoe, or one of those itches you can't seem to scratch well enough to satisfy. I know people are starving around the world but im starving too but im love starved(cept from my friends). Its all I want is a mom to tell me how pretty I look or a father who supports my wants in life.

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From my own experience, and everyone else has different ones. Just cause someone gives birth to you, doesnt mean they are what a real parent should be. You should count your blessings you have close friends. Some people have not one person in their life they can call "friend" I had 2 people who created me. But they aren't my parents. I have nothing to do with them, and I know I'm way better without them. It's tough not knowing the future, but if rejection happens to be in it, prepare yourself to be a better loving person then those aroudn you.

Please consider speaking privately with a school counsellor, a trusted teacher, your family doctor, community mental health, a teen group, parent of a friend or any adult you feel will honestly listen to your concerns and help guide you. While thoughts of suicide are not uncommon in teenagers, it's always something to take seriously and online friends can only help you so much sweetie. Please look around and see who is there to help because there will be someone if you open your heart to it.

Connecting with your birth parents may help, but be prepared that it may also hurt. I'd suggest you find that support I'm talking about before you seek yet another possibly difficult and emotional situation.

Your life is a gift, you are the only you that exists and those that birthed you and are raising you in the end do not define your soul. Only you have that wonderful ability to define you. Treasure that gift, keep it safe even when these days are rough on you. Seek out someone who will help you through these tough teen years. Be careful of those that will use you when you are vulnerable or the drugs that will numb the hurt...that's the road to nowhere honey. Be strong and reach out for help in your community and know that it's worth it and you will be able to get through this and likely be a better, stronger person for it.

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Originally Posted by RoyalGuardian

I am tired of always being picked on, pushed around, and disrespected by my adoptive parents. honestly they are the reason I have so many suicidle thoughts. I just feel like my life is worthless to them. they could have cared less that my blood donation went horribly wrong this week( took me less than 5 min to fill up a pint bag of blood. I blacked out and couldn't wake up, threw up and went into shock) . My best friend had to come get me. If it wasn't for him and My Kyna girl i would be out of here. I want whats best for kyna and if I ran away she would probably be killed by my dad. I love my best friend like he was my husband and I want to marry him someday but until then I have to endure hell everyday. You are all considered friends of mine and I want you to know that it means alot to me that you would read this little blurb on my life. My parents never listen to me and just the thought of you taking time out of your life and you not even knowing me, makes me feel not so alone. What do I do? I want to meet my biological family soooo badly but im not allowed to. I know where my father lives and could call him if I really wanted to.. Should I just go with the flow and wait until next year to meet him or do I just call him up and tell him that I really need him in my life. Its killing me inside and I need help. what would you do?? :sigh2:

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I don't know how old you are - but I am an adult adoptee myself, who has done a search for her biological parents.

My birth mother rejected me, she pretended that I had died at birth so that she could deal with giving me up, and she's never told her husband that she gave up a child for adoption before they met. My two 1/2 sisters do not know that I exist.

I am in reunion with my birth mother's brother and his family, but no one has told her that they have a relationship with me, and have had one since 2000.

My point is, finding birth family is not going to solve your problems. The emotions involved in search and reunion are complex and often times the fairy tale that we make up in our heads is not the reality, which could leave you feeling more depressed, especially if you have expectations that your birth father is going to make things better for you.

They are related to us by blood, but are in essence, strangers. I would wait until you are at least 18 before you search out your birth family, and have realistic expectations that it could just involve one meeting and then they are a very small part of your life from then on out.

I spent years searching, and once my search was complete, it was a bit of a let-down. I thrived on the thrill of the search, uncovering clues. Once the search was complete, it was more like "ok, now what do I do with myself?"

My relationship with my uncle and his family has been great, and if anything, it made me appreciate my adoptive family even more and made us even closer. My parents drove out to Oklahoma last year and met them when I was out there on my yearly visit and it was great. My adoptive mother and my aunt write and call each other all the time.

However, I do still have feelings of bitterness towards my birth mother, but I know that her rejection of me, is not about "me" but about what I represent, a time in her life that she'd just as soon forget about.

Sorry that you're going through all this right now :hug:

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Originally Posted by RoyalGuardian

Thank you. sorry to hear about your birth mom but I think my dad and I may get along really well. We are both into computers(geek runs in my blood i guess) he is a software designer in san diego and I am in school to learn how to become a 3-D Computer graphics animator. I think that.. I will give him a call. Cross your fingers for me if you would cause I will need alot of love and support to get through this. Hopefully he will be responsive and friendly. cause the goddess knows what will happen to my heart if I'm rejected. I have been let down so many times in my life and I hope this isnt another one of those times.

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Honey, don't count on this - that's a lot of pressure to put on someone. It may go wonderfully, but it may also be that he has no interest in building a relationship with you. But know this - if he doesn't - it's not about YOU, he doesn't know you - you only represent a time in his life.

I agree with others, find some counseling, talk to your counselors at school. Wait until you are older and more emotionally ready to deal with any outcome from reaching out to your birth father.

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Originally Posted by wolfy-hound

Just speaking from personal experiance with my own life.
My parents treated me like crap. They thought I was worthless, despite all I did for them.
You are looking for outside approval. Forget it. Until you decide you are worthwhile, you'll be misrable. Don't think that your 'birth father' will love you and make you feel good about yourself. Don't lean on others, because they won't be able to supply that feeling. You have to realzie that you are a person, and you deserve to be happy.
Talk to a councelor, at school or whereever. Talk to friends. But until you stand up on your hindlegs and say "I'm worth more than this." you won't find happiness. I had to do it. It took me a long time to realize that I deserved to live.
Sorry if this seems harsh, but it's truth, from my reality. I only want to help you. You can be a strong, powerful, successful person. But ONLY you can become that person. No amount of help, no amount of love, and no amount of talking to you can make that happen. It only comes from inside you. And it's there.
Wolfy

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These are words of wisdom!
you need to make your own happiness
give your own approval
if your parents are jerks don't take their words/actions to heart
prepare yourself for success after you are old enough to leave them
and wait it out! It may seem like forever but it's just a tiny sliver of the happy life you will have afterward :sunny:

it took me years of therapy to write off what my parents said/did as being their faults not mine. If you can start realizing this right now it will help you a great deal!

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Originally Posted by wolfy-hound

You are looking for outside approval. Forget it. Until you decide you are worthwhile, you'll be misrable. Don't think that your 'birth father' will love you and make you feel good about yourself. Don't lean on others, because they won't be able to supply that feeling. You have to realzie that you are a person, and you deserve to be happy.
Talk to a councelor, at school or whereever. Talk to friends. But until you stand up on your hindlegs and say "I'm worth more than this." you won't find happiness. I had to do it. It took me a long time to realize that I deserved to live.
Sorry if this seems harsh, but it's truth, from my reality. I only want to help you. You can be a strong, powerful, successful person. But ONLY you can become that person. No amount of help, no amount of love, and no amount of talking to you can make that happen. It only comes from inside you. And it's there.
Wolfy

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This is all so VERY true! I am sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I too had a rough childhood. but...I am 33 now and I absolutely LOVE my life. To be honest...growing up I NEVER thought anything of the future because I thought I would be dead before I turned 20. I thought at the time I had to have the WORST family in the world. My step-dad HATED me and my 2 siblings and abused us (physically and mentally) DAILY. But awwed over his 3 kids (my other sibs). It is aweful to feel like you are NOT loved by a parent. My mom was abused by him so she "felt trapped" and since this was 20 years ago...there wasn't much help from neighbors or even the state. I also had an absent parent. I have never met my birth Father...and I don't think I really care to. He was never around when "i needed him". One of the reasons I don't care is because I fear the disappointment that may come along with meeting him. Will I meet his expectations...Will he meet mine...Will he be mean...sick...needy..alive...or just a p.o.s. I hope that if you contact your Father you won't have to be faced with any disappointments. You do DESERVE to be happy! We all do ;) Just know that being "young" (I don't want to call you a kid :) ) only lasts for a little while and there is a HUGE WORLD out there waiting for you ;) and before you know it...you will find happiness :)

The only other thing I wanna tell you is TALK TO SOMEONE! Talk with someone at school.That's what they are there for. Just talking to someone makes a world of difference! It feels good to have somebody listen who isn't going to "judge" you ;)

all i can say is that no one's life is perfect.sure i dont have a perfect life,and i dont expect it to be perfect.i just take what i have in life, and use it.i have people to talk about my problems but even then sometimes they dont treat me well.i usually keep my feelings to myself(which isnt good most of the time) and i do things that make me happy to help me forget about my problems.i deal with problems all the time but i just ignore them and focus on how to make my life better and how im going to work it out in the end.

Wow, I am really sad to hear about this all..
I was 15 when I got pregnant (I am 26 now.) I was terrified, the guy I was with was encouraging me to have an abortion but I wouldn't. About a month along, I looked into putting the baby up for adoption, and started the procedure.. unfortunately, 5 months along, the Dr. told me that the baby was not going to live; she had a ehart defect. I waited it out and ultimately had a miscarriage/stillbirth.
I am not saying ths to evoke any pity.. I am just trying to give a little perspective from someone who consitered adoption. It does not make someone evil or a deadbeat if they put a child up. I am not rationalizing my behavior at the time; to be honest, alot of it stememd from my dad rejecting the family, and dropping off the Earth for a few years, while my poor mom tried her hardest to work 4-5 jobs at a time to support us.. to force a child into that kind of poverty-stricken home life.. I could not do it. I know they say "love conquers all.." Heh; tell that to the welfare mothers with 10 kids living on food stamps..
Adoption can be the most selfless act a mother commits..
That being said, the only way to know how your birth parents might act, would be to find out, and prepare for either reaction.. but I do agree with the others who said, your self-worth needs to come from inside; depending on your current or bio parents or anyone else for that is not the way to go..