I need some real serious help/advice, and to vent too i guess

I don't know what to do anymore -

I've know this girl since she was 11 - a little wild child she is, but nevertheless, I love her with all my heart ... my "little sister" she is. She's a VERY smart girl, has perseverance to finish her night school program, and would make an excellent cosmetologist one day with a little school. She could really make something of herself - i just know it!!!

The problem is, she came to me about 2 months ago to tell me she was doing dope and she wanted out. I talked to her, gave her counciling her if you will ... after that she slipped a few times but proclaimed 2 weeks later that she had stopped. This made me so happy - the last thing i want in this world is for this amazing, perfectly capable human being that I love to the end of time to end up on the streets or dead.

Now her boyfriend (i guess now ex) called me this morning and told me he found a bag of heroin in her room last night. She was allegedly high as a kite and scratching - i know this is a hard drug to stop doing, and I am scared to death.

Last time I talked to her about it, she didn't want to cut ties with her "friends" because she didn't want to make anyone mad. Grrr... now we all know these people aren't her friends, and we all know she's never going to stop if the temptation is always there - they call her everyday and beg her to join them in their misery. She doesn't want to go with rehab because she doesn't think it'll work and she start up again when she gets out. "She's not the "rehab type"" - authority in general is not her thing. Ugh, with whatever suggestions I have, there's just no solution. I think a lot of it is excuses, so she can continue. All I can do (i think, and this is where you guys come in) is council and talk to her, and try to guide her to making some decisions here.

Sorry this is so long - im so worried, and really just had to vent. Anyone have any suggestions?

Though authority may not be her thing, try to get her to see the people who love her who are not hurting because of her addiction. One of my elementary school friends dad was a coke addict and did it often. He tried rehab after a while and it worked for a week or so then he was back at it and it took until his family moved out and refused to talk to him for him to realize what he is losing all for a few hour high.

........Oh sweetie... I'm soo sorry you haft to go through this.
Her saying this, "She's not the "rehab type"" is classic addict talk. I'm sure there are other people that might be able to offer a more trained outlook, but from my experience (NOT AS A USER, BUT A FRIEND TO ONE)... You have some big red flags goin up. not wanting to go to treatment, not wanting to cut ties, these scream "help me! I think, well... not really, I think"......
What I was advised to do with a friend that was in a similar situation with eating pills was wait until I noticed he was messed up, to call the police for an involuntary pick up. This may or may not work. If she's in a "scratchy" state... get her in the car and take her to a state hospital... (trick her if need be, and have help with you)??? The thing is... if she's high she won't pass evaluation as sane, and she might receive some help???
These are things we were about to put into place with a friend... it never got to this stage, as his wife left him, and he had to move home to his mother. (Yes we told her he was using)... and after getting REALLY pissed at us, because her son would never do that... she noticed in a short time that he did have a very bad problem and got him into treatment.
At the same time....several months ago, one of my friends had a very similar situation with her close friend... two days after we discussed what worked, and didn't...(sitting down with all his close friends and calling his bluff, taking all his bottles, crying, screaming) , etc... they found him dead in his apartment. He had ODosed... So, there is a strong possibility that she might shoot too much, or get bad stuff, and then she's gone. Poof! Knowing that she's dealing with such a dangerous monster, having her pissed at you for getting her into treatment somehow is small in comparison to not having her at all....
Hope some of this helps? Best wishes, and a big fat hug... Laura

The major thing to remember is.. It's HER choice to do drugs, or to get help. Soo don't feel that it's somehow your fault, that you aren't doing enough to help her etc. I'm not saying don't try to help her, but if you offer help every single day, and she turns it down every single day, don't feel as if its all your fault. The guilt will do nothing but tear you down.
I'd second the get her snatched up while high to be taken in. But if she doens't want to quit, she won't quit. End of story. No one can Make her want to quit. You can talk to her, and BE BLUNT. Tell her "Honey, I'm afraid I'll find you dead one day. That would really just kill me inside. You should really quit for YOU."
Anything you want to try that's legal, try it.. the alternative is her OD-ing and/or ruining her life in the mydrid other ways available to a drug addict.
HUGS to you, and remember no matter what happens, it isn't YOUR choice that she is doing drugs. Keep yourself as strong as possible to better be able to help her. In fact, you could look into counciling for yourself as well.
Wolfy

Honestly, If the person doesn't want to quit then rehab will not work.
They may go through the motions but will start up again once they are out.

They really have to want to get clean in order for addicts to take it seriously.

Simple. Hard love. You gotta be as hard as you can be on her. It may hurt you as much as it may seem to hurt her but you CANT let her walk all over you. My mom, dad and sis are all addicts and I've seen this all too many times. They say "I'm fine and I'm not using" ... BS. Then make them prove it to you. Have them take a drug test whenever you want to. Addicts feed off the weak and caring. It's just what they do, and they'll do it as long as they can. If it means that you shut her out of your life then so be it. Trust me, I may sound like a total jerk right now but it's what you HAVE to do.

My cousin is 32 now. He is still a druggie. He has been doing drugs as long as I can remember. Everyone in my family has tried to help him time after time. He's been in and out of jail. He doesn't want help so we all know now that unless he wants help, our help is going to do nothing. We no longer give him money or anything. We don't answer his calls or unknown phone #'s because it's more then liky him asking for money, etc. If he shows up at our house - we call the cops, etc. We cut him off a few years ago. Sad to say but we are all just waiting for that one phone call saying they found him dead somewhere. Also when they say they are clean... BS. Don't beleive it unless they can prove it to you like said above.

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Originally Posted by lillyorchid

My cousin is 32 now. He is still a druggie. He has been doing drugs as long as I can remember. Everyone in my family has tried to help him time after time. He's been in and out of jail. He doesn't want help so we all know now that unless he wants help, our help is going to do nothing. We no longer give him money or anything. We don't answer his calls or unknown phone #'s because it's more then liky him asking for money, etc. If he shows up at our house - we call the cops, etc. We cut him off a few years ago. Sad to say but we are all just waiting for that one phone call saying they found him dead somewhere. Also when they say they are clean... BS. Don't beleive it unless they can prove it to you like said above.

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When my sis calls my no one answers. Shes been in jail a bunch of times and has had help too many times. However for a long time my grandma would give her money which would tick me off big time and of course that let my sis latch onto her cause my grandma would give her money. When all is said and done the addict who doesn't care about themself sure as hell won't give a damn about anyone else. It's just their twisted thinking.

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Originally Posted by joyful girl

Honestly, If the person doesn't want to quit then rehab will not work.
They may go through the motions but will start up again once they are out.

They really have to want to get clean in order for addicts to take it seriously.

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actually that's not always the case. the reality is... when they are high or jonesin for a fix... they don't want to get clean... but once they get all the drugs out of their system and have trained professionals to assist them to see just how bad their life was and how great it has the potential of becoming... many choose to stay clean.

but making that decision when they are addicted... isn't something they can all do.

that's the whole point of rehab. to get them clean and sober and seeing reality.

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Originally Posted by recycling goddess

actually that's not always the case. the reality is... when they are high or jonesin for a fix... they don't want to get clean... but once they get all the drugs out of their system and have trained professionals to assist them to see just how bad their life was and how great it has the potential of becoming... many choose to stay clean.

but making that decision when they are addicted... isn't something they can all do.

that's the whole point of rehab. to get them clean and sober and seeing reality.

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I think what joyful is saying is that it can take YEARS or even decades for someone to come to wits end and finally want to get off of drugs. I think the actually percentage of people who stay clean is only like 8% from what I remember. It takes atleast 3-5 relapses (if youre lucky) before some addicts see the light. Most never do, nor do they even care to see what they themselves are, or have become.

mike, i was referring to the "they have to want to" to make it work :P

Doing drugs leads to two conclusions......jail or death.

I have lost friends to drugs because of extended jail time and death. ......I never had any luck trying to help them, but that does not keep me from trying. Sure they would 'kick it' for a short time after a stint in rehab or jail....but they always go back. I would never tell someone not to try to help a friend and sometimes things do have 'success' stories.....but from those experiences I would like to offer one bit of advice for you......Sometimes nothing can be done, so do not make it your fault because you can not help no matter how hard you try.

I recently had a very good friend locked up. He stopped doing drugs....but could not quit selling them. Arrested while his child was with him because he had drugs in the car.....he will never see his kid again. Maybe the loss of his child and 8 years in jail will make him realize what he is doing....maybe it won't. That is up to him....and him alone.

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Originally Posted by recycling goddess

mike, i was referring to the "they have to want to" to make it work :P

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They do have to want to.

Many people even after seeing what their life has become would still rather be drug users.
Those people don't want to change.

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Originally Posted by daniel1983

Sure they would 'kick it' for a short time after a stint in rehab or jail....but they always go back. I would never tell someone not to try to help a friend and sometimes things do have 'success' stories.....but from those experiences I would like to offer one bit of advice for you......Sometimes nothing can be done, so do not make it your fault because you can not help no matter how hard you try.

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agreed

To be honest with you guys Randy and I are both recovering drug users. He was a addict. I only started using after I met him.

For awhile it was great until it started hurting our relationship. At that point I told him he needed to quit or I was going to leave him because I couldn't deal with the way he acted.
Lucky for us he didn't want to loose me so he quit.
We've been clean for almost 2 years now. He was his own supplier so once he got rid of the drugs he didn't have the option of getting anymore. Had he been able to I know for a fact he would be using again.

It isn't an easy thing to do. It took months and months of dealing with someone who was in withdrawl. Even though we've been clean for what seems like a long time we both still think about the drug all the time.

I think the only way quitting can be successful is if the person decides there is something more important then drugs and they are not able to access the drug when they have set backs. That's why so many people start using again. They can call someone up and get more.

It's important to remember that there are far more powerful forces at work than simple will power. Drugs like heroin and cocaine are EXTREMELY addictive. No one wants to be a drug addict. When you're high, your brain is chemically altered and your thought processes are dysfunctional. The only time she'll be able to make a sound decision is when she's clean.

The ONLY way your sister will get better is with professional help. Get her into rehab ASAP. She may relapse. Get her back into rehab. Repeat. The longer she continues to use without intervention, the more addicted she will become (i.e. her tolerance will increase until she can no longer afford to pay for the drugs with her day job...). Not only that, remove her the best you can from the environment where she uses drugs, "friends" and all. Those environmental cues (neighborhood, people, shooting gallery, paraphernalia) can prompt heroin use.

This is a difficult situation, I know. I wish you and your sister the best of luck.

"We've been clean for almost 2 years now."


:hug::grouphug::hug: You Go GURL! :sunny:

haha thanks

I wasn't sure if I wanted to admit to it or not on here but I don't really have anything to hide so why not..

well i can speak on this i have used meth, and it is very hard drug to kick!! only that person can stop themself from using. that is how i see it. but keep family around. and when family is around, try not to make them cornered, even if you dont think you are, she will put up a defense fast! The one thing that is good is she came to you for help! which i didnt, and learned the hard way. hope it helps a little...

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Originally Posted by white

well i can speak on this i have used meth, and it is very hard drug to kick!!

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that's what we used as well

Jenn, first off there are no words good enough to commend you and your boyfriend for not only kicking an addiction to meth but for you being brave enough and kind enough to share it here to help another. This is truly the most wonderful step of your healing...to reach out in wisdom and speak honestly to help another. You rock hon!

Mike (Vomitore) again there are just no words to express my sadness and anger that your parents chose addiction before their committment to you and to being good parents. You are a better person than those that created you, never forget that, never stop being proud of that and in the end know that you are okay and what they did and still do can only touch the parts of you that you allow it to. You can't fix them Mike but by deciding to stay apart from their mess, you are caring for yourself in the best way possible. You rock too!

As far as the original question in this post. If it were my friend the first thing I would do is seek permission to take her to the morgue to view a dead drug addict. She needs in a sober state to see her future. To see the stark and ugly reality of exactly where she'll end up. Naked and dead, on a slab in a cold morgue with nothing but a hole in the ground as her future. I believe in shock as a darned good wake up call. Then I would tell her that as much as I love her and always will the next time she is high and out of control I will either seek involuntary committment for her or refuse to deal with her at all.

It is her choice in the end hon. You cannot let her use you because she always will use you and your love for her, this is what addicts do. She needs to understand that loving doesn't mean standing there helplessly watching her commit a slow form of suicide and that this is killing you too. In the end you may have to make a very hard choice to either have her taken into custody while high and dangerous to herself and others or simply walk away and refuse to see her or speak to her unless she is sober. It sounds like all the talking in the world won't do much good anymore and it's time for a bit of tough love.

Be prepared yourself though that bad stuff may happen and I'd really suggest you contact a support group for family and friends of addicts in your area. They can be a wonderful support for you and help you see where you might be enabling her and how to care for yourself in the midst of this awful situation.

:community :teamwork: :grouphug:



dr del