Prayers/Best Wishes Please....

As some of you will remember our own Chris (Cueball) was kind enough to gift my 5 year old son, Mikey, with a lovely 06 female ball python in October of this year. Seven days ago Helori disappeared from her tub. I was helping Mike clean tubs and was far, far too tired to be working with the snakes. Though it was unintentional, one moment of my inattention, one binder clip not replaced properly and the little beauty that our son loves so much escaped.

To make the situation worse we had just relocated all the BP's from our secure BP room to a much more open family room due to some problems with keeping the old room properly heated. Had Helori escaped in the old room she would have been quickly located as it had been "snake proofed". The family room while warmer is open to the rest of the house and has the old fashioned large vent heating so it's likely Helori is gone forever. We couldn't feel any worse about this and of course informed Chris and spoke with him privately. Now the next problem if this situation wasn't bad enough.....

What in the world should we do about Mikey? We've managed to avoid him knowing Helori is gone this past week with excuses and so forth. He's had a touch of the flu so hasn't been all that interested in holding or feeding his snake anyways. If he was a bit older (he's only 5) I would say to tell him the truth and deal with his sorrow and likely being angry that mom lost his snake. At 5 though he really doesn't understand death and loss all that much.

So two choices really....

#1 Tell him the truth and just deal with whatever fallout occurs.

#2 Quietly buy a similar snake and say nothing.

Personally I hate, hate, hate lying to my kids on any matter but Mikey has never lost a pet, didn't seem to understand when his Great Grandpa died awhile ago and I'm just not sure if it's kind to expect him to handle his pet snake being lost to him. Is it kinder to just get another snake and spare him the upset? I also don't like the idea of "replacing" a snake like they didn't mean much....Helori meant a lot to all of us and especially precious because she was Mikey's and a gift from a friend...but I don't want to hurt our little boy more than necessary.

Advice please folks and also prayers and best wishes. We are still holding out a faint hope that Helori has survived and is somewhere in this huge old house hiding but realistically I doubt it.

My favorite picture of Mikey and Helori (lordy but as a mom this is just breaking my heart folks).....
http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e2...snakeOct06.jpg

I also wanted to post this thread as a warning to others. I know the rules about keeping snakes, I'm nearly anal in locking down the snakes and I still did this. I learned a valuable lesson in a horrible way....don't work with these lovely creatures if you aren't fully able to focus on what you are doing. If I could go back and do it over I should have known I was far, far too tired and distracted and just let Mike do all the tubs. Knowing my own limits has always been an issue for me and in this case beautiful Helori and our son Mikey are going to pay the price for my own stupidity.

Our thanks to Chris for being very understanding about this. You're a great guy Chris and I'm so sorry about this happening.

First let me say that I am very sorry that you have lost Helori:( It is terrible to lose a pet especially when you feel at fault. I have been in this situation myself with one of my now dearly departed cats. You can not blame yourself. Being a mom I know "all" that we just "have" to do or we do not feel we are doing the best we can. As for telling your son or replacing it..sounds like the little guy has been through more than his share of "life experiences" lately especially with his great grandpa dieing, but I think I would tell him the truth. Use it as a learning experience for him. I don't mean this in a cruel way, just that things happen in life that we have to learn to handle and deal with. After you explain what has happened also tell him that if he wants another snake(which I am sure he will...what little boy wouldn't!) he can go and pick out his snake whenever he feels he is ready for a new one. This is just my opinion and I hope it helps in some way:)

I hope he does turn up, but in the mean time do tell him the truth. I remember to this day a few lies my parents told me when I was really young. Like ZekesMom said above, if the snake does not show back up then and your son wants a snake, then you can two can pick out one together when the time id right.

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Originally Posted by ZEKESMOM

First let me say that I am very sorry that you have lost Helori:( It is terrible to lose a pet especially when you feel at fault. I have been in this situation myself with one of my now dearly departed cats. You can not blame yourself. Being a mom I know "all" that we just "have" to do or we do not feel we are doing the best we can. As for telling your son or replacing it..sounds like the little guy has been through more than his share of "life experiences" lately especially with his great grandpa dieing, but I think I would tell him the truth. Use it as a learning experience for him. I don't mean this in a cruel way, just that things happen in life that we have to learn to handle and deal with. After you explain what has happened also tell him that if he wants another snake(which I am sure he will...what little boy wouldn't!) he can go and pick out his snake whenever he feels he is ready for a new one. This is just my opinion and I hope it helps in some way:)

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x2

Let him learn now

Good luck in finding your snake. You will need to tell him sooner our later, sooner may help in the long run. Kids are so intent on things that I'm sure he would want to help look for his snake. He will probably feel better if you let him help look. When I lost small animals as a child I spent hrs. looking which for the most part meant the recovery of the pet. Mom and dad never had enough time to devote to finding critters. Sending hugs his way and hope he recovers his snake.

#1 Tell him the truth and just deal with whatever fallout occurs.

And be ready if you buy him another snake, you will then probably find the first one. I speak from experience on that one.

I hope that you are able to find him.

:hug:

Neil

I do think you are all right in that we should be honest with Mikey. As I said I absolutely hate lying to any of the kids. Heck in our home lying is about the worst offense you can do really. Just being a mom my first instinct is to protect the littlest ones from hurt but Mike has felt all along we should be upfront with Mikey. We wanted to give it a week of solid searching and trying to "bait" her back out if she's hiding with live rodents in vented containers before we told Mikey what's happened.

I also think you should probably tell him.

But you know your son better than all of us. However, Is option #2 even a viable option? How connected was he to this snake? Kids can be pretty observant, he might notice that the "replacement" snake is not the same in pattern, disposition, etc....then you might start a chain of little white lies and I think that will make you fill more guilty about your mistake in the end. Even one little innocent question from him may be enough for you to feel some guilt.

As other have said you could try to turn it into a learning experience.....but that's easier said than done with something this emotional.

Sooner or later though you will want your son to have some reponsibilty with the pets and you can use your mistake as an example of what can happen if your not careful.

Good luck and remember not to beat yourself up no matter what you decide.

I'm so sorry about your loss. :worry: Don't give up hope! Keep looking for him! What you should do is explain what has happened to your son. If you do buy a similar snake, he won't understand death and loss any sooner. There's also a chance that he'd resent you even more if you told him when he's older. Just be honest with him. Good luck with finding Helori. :hug:

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Originally Posted by Mendel's Balls

Good luck and remember not to beat yourself up no matter what you decide.

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Thanks everyone for the support and the PM's that have been popping up (especially Adam and Chris...you are both such wonderful gentlemen). I am trying to not beat myself up over this but the fact is I am the responsible party, I know the risks with escapes with snakes, espeically young ones and I didn't take proper care and due diligence. As a snake keeper and a mom I feel just rotten about this but like our son, I will also try to see this as a learning experience.

Sorry to hear about this. I would have to say #1. Although it may break his heart, sooner or later everyone has to learn about death and that life is just unfair. The sooner we can learn that, the better we can deal with the challanges life throws at up. I wish you luck and give the little guy a hug for me!

I think you're a great mom with passion for her kids. There is no question in my mind that you only want what is right for your family, regardless of how hard that might be. You know I would do anything for Mikey to be happy! I wish you and your family the best in this difficult time Jo :hug:

Thank you Chris. You were a dear to send us little Helori and I know you shared our joy at Mikey's bonding with her so much and our sorrow in her loss.

We're planning to tell him tomorrow as he's a bit under the weather today with a stomach bug that's hit his whole kindergarten class this past week.

Now folks the follow-up to this. Within moments of this thread posting both Chris and Adam were in private contact with me. From the first Chris has been wanting to replace Helori and offering Mikey a pick of his 07 hatchlings. Adam has also offered a lovely 06 for Mikey to have as his own. I would never expect anyone to do this but it's so touching that both these wonderful guys immediately offered to help ease a little boy's sorrow. I want you to both know publically just how much Mike and I respect and admire the kind of people you are. There are not enough of either of you in this world as far as we're concerned.

We have gratefully accepted Adam's offer of a lovely male 66% het VPI Axanthic BP for Mikey. Adam is even going to do all the paperwork in young Mikey's name so it will truly be his very own snake (you can bet Adam that a copy of that paperwork will be up on Mikey's bedroom wall with his other treasured things and likely taken to school to show off to his little friends LOL). Mikey's snake will arrive later this month dependent on weather conditions and we've decided to keep him home from school that day so he can learn the dubious joys of waiting for the FedEx man to arrive.

Thanks again to all the members here and most especially Chris and Adam. You've made a horrible situation all that much better. I know Mikey will still be upset about Helori and we really don't want him to be any other way, she mattered a great deal to him and he should greive her loss but being a 5 year old the prospect of a new baby snake to love will go a huge way in helping him accept his first loss of a beloved pet.

Chris, the photo of Mikey and Helori will always be treasured and know that she will always be missed and again, you rock my friend for being so supportive and kind throughout this.

Adam I know you hate fussing and get embarrassed by a lot of that so I won't say anything further...other than this.....YOU ROCK! (now excuse me while I go mop up some silly tears cuz you guys made me get all sniffly and girlie and stuff like that!)

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Originally Posted by frankykeno

Thank you Chris. You were a dear to send us little Helori and I know you shared our joy at Mikey's bonding with her so much and our sorrow in her loss.

We're planning to tell him tomorrow as he's a bit under the weather today with a stomach bug that's hit his whole kindergarten class this past week.

Now folks the follow-up to this. Within moments of this thread posting both Chris and Adam were in private contact with me. From the first Chris has been wanting to replace Helori and offering Mikey a pick of his 07 hatchlings. Adam has also offered a lovely 06 for Mikey to have as his own. I would never expect anyone to do this but it's so touching that both these wonderful guys immediately offered to help ease a little boy's sorrow. I want you to both know publically just how much Mike and I respect and admire the kind of people you are. There are not enough of either of you in this world as far as we're concerned.

We have gratefully accepted Adam's offer of a lovely male 66% het VPI Axanthic BP for Mikey. Adam is even going to do all the paperwork in young Mikey's name so it will truly be his very own snake (you can bet Adam that a copy of that paperwork will be up on Mikey's bedroom wall with his other treasured things and likely taken to school to show off to his little friends LOL). Mikey's snake will arrive later this month dependent on weather conditions and we've decided to keep him home from school that day so he can learn the dubious joys of waiting for the FedEx man to arrive.

Thanks again to all the members here and most especially Chris and Adam. You've made a horrible situation all that much better. I know Mikey will still be upset about Helori and we really don't want him to be any other way, she mattered a great deal to him and he should greive her loss but being a 5 year old the prospect of a new baby snake to love will go a huge way in helping him accept his first loss of a beloved pet.

Chris, the photo of Mikey and Helori will always be treasured and know that she will always be missed and again, you rock my friend for being so supportive and kind throughout this.

Adam I know you hate fussing and get embarrassed by a lot of that so I won't say anything further...other than this.....YOU ROCK! (now excuse me while I go mop up some silly tears cuz you guys made me get all sniffly and girlie and stuff like that!)

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Looks like Chris and Adam are big softy's with hearts of gold!! Way to go guys! I agree YOU GUYS ROCK:D

I am glad Chris and Adam stepped up to help out. I can't wait for my first breeding year so I can possibly share in that joy.

Chris (cueball) is one of the best guys you'll find working with these amazing animals and just one of the best guys period ... I'm not surprised one bit that he was the first to step up and offer to help. He has a huge heart and I'm honored to call him my friend.

Thank you Jo for allowing me to put a smile on Mikeys face ... to me, things like that are the "important stuff" in life.

-adam

Joanna I'm very sorry to hear this. I too vote to tell Mikey what happened.

A week is actually a rather short time. It wouldn't suprise me at all if you find Helori again in the future, vents or not. :)

That's great of you guys to offer hatchlings! How nice! :gj:

this might be a little late but i'll say it anyways

When I was younger I had a budgie bird. Well after years of owning him he passed away. I was mortified, as a little boy who had never had anything pass away on me before. But after a good cry I felt better and got over it. Years later I was talking about my beloved budgie and how bad I felt when he passed away when (can't remember who, either my mom or dad) said ya I can't believe how much you cried he was your third bird. I looked at him in shock apparently my poor budgie had passed away before and been replaced a couple of times. I was pretty upset with my parents for lying to me.

I got over the loss of my budgie. but the fact that my parents just replaced my pet on me stuck with me for awhile.

Now I'm not saying you shouldn't accept adams gracious offer. But I do agree with the majority here when they say you should let mikey know the truth.

Sorry to hear about your loss.

sorry i'm so late reading this thread jo. i'm so sad to hear about your accident. and yes my dear... it was an accident. accidents happen... that's why we call them an accident! so stop beating yourself over the head with a frozen salmon and remember... you are human. :hug:

i love you girl... you know that.

adam and cue... good job men! makes me even prouder to know both of you https://ball-pythons.net/gallery/fil...4/7/cheer3.gif

Sorry for your loss, Having lost a possible gravid female and a girl I love in the basement I feel your loss. We tried the lie thing with the kids when they were small but the guilt thing sucks bad. Whatever you decide good luck and I am sure it will all work out in the end.

Joanna,


I'm not sure how I missed this thread earlier today, and I know how heartbreaking this past week has been for you. I also know how gut-wrenching it's been for you to try to decide how best to handle it.

Sounds like it's unanimous to tell him, and it sounds like you have decided that's what you and Mike will do.

It does not surprise me in the least that both Chris and Adam stepped up and made such a generous offer! Makes me even more proud to know both of them!

Acck I problably wasn't as clear in the earlier post as I should have been. I was a bit overwhelmed and weepy with Chris and Adam being such sweeties.

We are intending to tell Mikey that his Helori has escaped and may not be alive but we will hope and pray she is. We are actually going to tell him tomorrow (Monday) as he's down with the flu today and is feeling crummy enough, poor kid. We feel that it's only right to be honest about it being a different snake and help Mikey through the loss of Helori (thank you all for your collective wisdom on this). I know he'll love his new snake as well but it's only right he be allowed the truth.

Just my first instinct as a mom to do anything to avoid seeing one of my kids cry. That's just me and why I'm a bit hard on myself over not locking Helori down properly that night. I do expect a lot from myself when it comes to the kids or the pets and their safety and happiness. I know most of us parents here are exactly the same and it just comes with the territory once you have a little person in your life.

Thanks again though everyone for the wisdom, support and caring attitude. It's been more appreciated than you all know and just another example of what makes this BPNet a great place to be!

A special thanks to Robin who was the first person I called when I found Helori gone. Robin's an amazing friend and has been there through the death of Teagan and the loss of Helori. Most of you may not know that Robin herself sent us a lovely 06 female BP she purchased in Daytona when our Teagan died suddenly right after we purchased her. Thanks my friend for always being there. After a relatively easy time of it with the snakes having two losses in the past 6 months has been a bit shocking. Guess it is something one must come to accept but wow it's been a time of it lately.

Joanna I'm sorry to hear about Mikeys Bp. I'd go with the truth, who knows you might find her with Mikeys help. Adam and Chris you guys rock, guys like you are what makes this community so special.:teamwork: :clap:

Joanna, it's easy being your friend! Your friendship has meant just as much to me! :hug:

I'm really sorry to hear about this, Joanna :(
If I remember correctly, Helori is a clutchmate to Trey, the snake Chris gave my daughter.
I agree that honesty is the best way to handle this situation, I know we all have memories of our first loss, it's all part of growing up.

Chris and Adam really are the greatest.

Thanks Sarah, that's very sweet of you. I'm not sure which ones Helori was related to as you have a snake from Chris as does Jen (Genieve).

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Originally Posted by frankykeno

I'm not sure which ones Helori was related to as you have a snake from Chris as does Jen (Genieve).

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They are all siblings from my very first clutch of ball pythons. There where four total, three girls and one boy. Helori to your family. Luna to Jen's family. Trey to Sarah's family. Dot is here with me.

The second week out of the egg Helori escaped from her tub. My ball room is small and secure but I could not find her anywhere :confused: I finally checked on top of the sub adult rack that is 5' off the floor with nothing next to it to climb. There is a ~1" space between the top of the rack and the wall. Sure enough, there she was. Just relaxing and looking at me with her tongue out :P I still have no idea how she did it but was glad to see her. I wish the same result this time. That she will turn in up in the most random place, perhaps in a cereal box.

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Originally Posted by Adam_Wysocki

Chris (cueball) is one of the best guys you'll find working with these amazing animals and just one of the best guys period ... I'm not surprised one bit that he was the first to step up and offer to help. He has a huge heart and I'm honored to call him my friend.-adam

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I'm blessed to hold your company and recieve your kind words. I look forward to many years of enjoying your knowledge, friendship and business relations. You have inspired me all along :hug:

jo i am so sorry to hear about helori. i think you have made the right choice in telling mikey the truth and think that he will be thrilled to learn of his new pet snake from adam. how wonderful of adam and chris to immediately offer their help!

you may well still find helori. it may be months down the road when suddenly you stumble upon her just chillin' in your closet in a shoe (i think that happened to smulkin and smynx one time :) ). my prayers are with helori, that she is doing fine and will resurface soon. :sunny:

I surely hope so Em. We did have a friend that had an adult breeder male blizzard cornsnake go missing. Nine full months later is showed up, coiled up sleeping in the middle of the diningroom in a sunbeam. Darn thing didn't look any the worse for the wear either though heavens knows what it found to eat during it's long absense.

That's so odd she was an escapee as a hatchling too Chris. I sure hope her luck holds out this time around.

well now see miss helori has a history of escaping and reappearing--the karma there has to be good! :D

I'm really sorry to hear that you lost Helori Jo. :( I wish you guys the best during this tough time. Don't give up hope guys...bps have been known to show up when least expected...trust me on this one.

i think you should keep a spare enclosure handy... just in case helori shows up. ;) down the road... in a cereal box!

I am so sorry for your loss.

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Originally Posted by recycling goddess

i think you should keep a spare enclosure handy... just in case helori shows up. ;) down the road... in a cereal box!

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No worries hon we've always got a spare rubbermaid somewhere around plus our big temp travel cases for the adults that I could safely tuck her into in a pinch until her home could be warmed up for her. Her tub label is taped to the wall just waiting for her in case our prayers get answered.

sending "come home" vibes to her!!!

Wow,


There really are some wonderfull people on this forum. :)

I shall sacrifice a :rat: to the :snake: gods for the safe return of Helori. **dons the traditional tribal euphonium and woad**


dr del

every time my brother's python gets out we find him in the toilet... soo keep an eye out... just sayin... or behind the fridge.. usually where we find his python... Hope this helps!

Joanna, I'll add my "come out form hiding" vibes to Aleesha's. Don't give up looking, it may take days, weeks and sometimes even months.


Chris and Adam - you are the best! Whenever I read a flaming post on another forum I always smile because I know about this place and how helpful and caring everyone is. Thanks everyone from someone who reads this forum daily but only posts occasionally.


Alice

I hope your snake turns up soon, and as I realize you are going to be hard on yourself for not securing the tub she lived in, try to be thankful it wasn't an even bigger mistake that you are learning the hard way.

First and foremost sorry to hear about your bp :(

Please don't beat yourself up over it. Things happen we are all only human, we all have our moments.

I would just tell your son the situation, kids are pretty quick w/ things. Honesty is always the best policy when dealing with things like that.
Everything will work out for the best.

Good Luck and your in my thoughts

Wow; sorry I am so late into the thread. I am very sorry about your escapee.. I agree with your decision to be honest with your son. It's really the best choice.. I am sure that everyone here stands behind you in that decision.
Adam and Cue are just awesome guys.. Cue drastically improved my whole outlook on BPs after sending me Luna, when my last BP egg came up dead last year.
I wish you the best in all of this.. I can say from personal experience, that an escapee snake teaches you more on an emotional level than any other experience in this hobby.

I'm so sorry Jo. :hug:

My first mothering instinct says run and replace Helori, and protect Mikey from all hurt. Unfortunately, we are not able to completely shield our children nor should we. Although, I completely understand that impulse. I agree the truth may be better all the way around. Letting him pick out another snake may even help with the healing process. I hope his little heart heals quickly.

Sorry that you are having to deal with such a difficult situation........:(
My BEST wishes are heading your direction... :hug:

How did it go today Jo?? :hug:

Probably too late, but do both. Buy him a new one and present it with the truth. My parents did this to me when I was young with a cocker that died (which I later found out was actually put to sleep for good reason). They informed me, then took me out and got me a new one. It helps with the grief, and it isn't just a shallow replacement to dissuade guilt.

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Originally Posted by cueball

How did it go today Jo?? :hug:

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We haven't told him yet Chris. Poor kid is still trying to shake this stomach bug he picked up at school and is sick to his stomach and all that, so we are putting it off for a few days still. He was supposed to go back to school today after having yesterday off for Martin Luther King Day (or as Mikey pronounced it "Marfin Youfer King") but no go. We were up with him most of the night with a high fever. Hopefully though the fever is his body burning off the last of this germ and he'll be better now. Rotten virus has been running rampant through his classroom for the last week or so and all the little people are passing it back and forth.

Due to a recent incident here where my husband didn't close a tub I suggest checking under the oven.
That's where we found escapee Reese.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by frankykeno

Thank you Chris. You were a dear to send us little Helori and I know you shared our joy at Mikey's bonding with her so much and our sorrow in her loss.

We're planning to tell him tomorrow as he's a bit under the weather today with a stomach bug that's hit his whole kindergarten class this past week.

Now folks the follow-up to this. Within moments of this thread posting both Chris and Adam were in private contact with me. From the first Chris has been wanting to replace Helori and offering Mikey a pick of his 07 hatchlings. Adam has also offered a lovely 06 for Mikey to have as his own. I would never expect anyone to do this but it's so touching that both these wonderful guys immediately offered to help ease a little boy's sorrow. I want you to both know publically just how much Mike and I respect and admire the kind of people you are. There are not enough of either of you in this world as far as we're concerned.

We have gratefully accepted Adam's offer of a lovely male 66% het VPI Axanthic BP for Mikey. Adam is even going to do all the paperwork in young Mikey's name so it will truly be his very own snake (you can bet Adam that a copy of that paperwork will be up on Mikey's bedroom wall with his other treasured things and likely taken to school to show off to his little friends LOL). Mikey's snake will arrive later this month dependent on weather conditions and we've decided to keep him home from school that day so he can learn the dubious joys of waiting for the FedEx man to arrive.

Thanks again to all the members here and most especially Chris and Adam. You've made a horrible situation all that much better. I know Mikey will still be upset about Helori and we really don't want him to be any other way, she mattered a great deal to him and he should greive her loss but being a 5 year old the prospect of a new baby snake to love will go a huge way in helping him accept his first loss of a beloved pet.

Chris, the photo of Mikey and Helori will always be treasured and know that she will always be missed and again, you rock my friend for being so supportive and kind throughout this.

Adam I know you hate fussing and get embarrassed by a lot of that so I won't say anything further...other than this.....YOU ROCK! (now excuse me while I go mop up some silly tears cuz you guys made me get all sniffly and girlie and stuff like that!)

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Thats awsome! (You now know one of the reasons I look up to them so much!) I have a feeling that Little Helori will show up soon! I will keep your family and Helori in my prayers.:D