Family Matters...

So here's the deal, I dont have the closest most living relationship with my folks, or any family member aside from 2 Grandmothers that I adore.
Well since we welcomed our BP's into our lives my family has been a little less then happy about it. They have made remarks like "well your really pushing everyone away" "hope you didnt want us to come over" and the more hurtful ones like "you know there dangerous, there going to get out at night and strangle the baby" (there full of it, obviously...and uneducated) In the same token its hard for your friends and family to not have this passion and love for some I consider fun and something I will most likely do for life now. There making me feel pretty bad about things latly, its hard to face the world and know some people are going to think of you as a less than perfect mom, but when actual family members think I am putting my daughter in any sort of harms way...well that cuts like a knife.

God knows I know better, but how can I make someone who doesnt want to learn the truth, has no interest in them and only see's the worst in every situation understand that our BP collection and possible breeding is actually something we are doing for ourselves and our daughter. I like to think of how lucky little Raigen is to be in the world or Bp's and breeding and everything else that goes along with it, and how lucky I am to have met you all on here. And hope most of us will be around each other for awhile.

So let me know, what should I have them read...I'm hopig for a title like "no child has ever been killed by a ball python" but I think that might be a bit much lol.

Thanks guys.

Wow! So I'm not the only one who faces these things. When we got our first snake I heard the same thing from my mom, she refused to walk in my house. I came to a point where I realize that some truely like to remain ignorant so they have a reason to critisize.

Now, I warn people before they come in my home, hey I have snakes and most likely one of the kids will bring one out, so be warned. Ive learned 2 things with this method. Some people truley will make an effort to learn about them. My friend was terrified when she first seen our snake, now when she comes over she goes right to her favorite one and plucks him out. Other people will pop there head in and if someone has a snake out they leave. To each their own.


I try to educate people to dispel a fear that they are man eating beasts. We went to my youngest daughters 2nd grade class for show and tell. Some of the kids and the teacher were scared. But it's amazing after answering their questions and them seeing the other children touch and enjoy the snake how all their views changed. Only 1 child in a class of 29 didn't want to touch him.


Really you will either be able to educate them or you won't but remind them that dogs and cats are more prone to hurt your daughter than your snakes are. Id be glad to send you some pics of my lil 7 year old toting around some of our larger BP's :)

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Originally Posted by TheAudOne

God knows I know better, but how can I make someone who doesnt want to learn the truth, has no interest in them and only see's the worst in every situation understand that our BP collection and possible breeding is actually something we are doing for ourselves and our daughter. I like to think of how lucky little Raigen is to be in the world or Bp's and breeding and everything else that goes along with it, and how lucky I am to have met you all on here. And hope most of us will be around each other for awhile.

So let me know, what should I have them read...I'm hopig for a title like "no child has ever been killed by a ball python" but I think that might be a bit much lol.

Thanks guys.

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I highlighted the key words of your thoughts. If someone is truly like that, then it doesn't matter how educated YOU are, or how many studies you show them. They are deadset on believing/saying/acting however they wish for their own agenda and there's not much you can do about it except...

....just shake your head and say very quietly, "I'm sorry you feel that way. It's wrong. And if you ever choose to open your mind and realize how selfish and unreasonable you are being, I'll be here with open arms and an open home."

And after that...you just have to let them make their own choices. You can't force it on them.

I think for many of us in this hobby, there is going to be some huge area of compromise and pain. For you, its an extended family that won't understand or accept, and really doesn't care except that they can use it as yet another means to be critical of you. But you have a husband that supports your passion and partners with you in this exciting endeavor. For me...I have a loving extended family that thinks the whole snake-thing is weird, but they don't have any problems or criticisms about it. But I have a husband who is completely uncomfortable with it and therefore I can (at this time and for the foreseeable future) just barely scratch the surface of the passions I want to pursue.

Focus on your blessings. :hug:

My parents' thoughts on my snakes was less than stellar as well. They're not too concerned about the snakes and my toddler, though. My toddler (son) is 20 years old, and has as many snakes as I do! My daughter is 17, and is the owner of our first ball python. As for my dad, I put it to him in the language that he understands, $$$. "Dad, this is a pastel. He will hopefully make a lot of babies in the spring that will sell for between $300 and $800 each, maybe more. This one's a spider, and his babies will sell for around $1200. If I put the spider with a pastel, I could possibly end up with a $5000 snake...." I'm not sure they really understand it yet, but they are coming around. It just takes time. My dad grew up in a time and place where snakes were baad news, out in the Texas/Oklahoma panhandle. Lots of rattlesnakes. And snakes that ate the chickens and their eggs. "The only good snake is a dead snake" mentality. He actually held one of my snakes a couple weeks ago. My mom is somewhat phobic as well, which is kind of interesting, because her brother is just the opposite. He was in town about a week ago, and came to my house to see the snakes. He called me a couple days later to tell me how much he enjoyed seeing them.

One thing that is amazing to see is when an adult herpiphobe sees a small child who is unafraid of a snake touching, petting, and holding a snake, a lot of times the adult's fears start to melt away.

Have lots of patience and utilize gentle education.
Good luck!!!
Steve

I know what you mean about the family issues...my mother in particular never warmed up to the idea of having snakes in the house. For the sake of free rent, and a peaceful household I sold 4 of my 5 ball pythons, keeping just one of my normal females.

The thing that bugs me about the issue is that there is not a reason that she does not like snakes, just that she "doesn't like them", and the fact that she thought they would get out of my rack for them. I didn't think it was very fair of her, but I did get to keep one...so I guess it was a compromise, I'll be out on my own soon enough hopefully, so I'll amass a few more BPs once again.

It's your household, I'd just keep doing your herp thang and ignore their crazy ideas that your snakes are dangerous or evil.

Most people belive that the norm pet is a cat or dog, as menition above are more likely to harm you than your bp. Just keep reminding your self that your children will grow up in a more open minded home than you. They will also have a much needed respect for all sorts of living things (not just the norm animals), which is hard to find. I belive you're doing right but thats just my opinion.

I too have been put into this train of thought and situation by two of my own sisters. I put my foot down and told them that if they have issues with my reptiles, it is thier issue and not mine, to try to understand and be respectful of me and my animals if/when they come around, or do not come around at all. For me, it was that simple, take me as I am...or, not at ALL!

One of my sisters involved, still wont come around, and thats fine, I dont need her here being scared, acting stupid and making even more stupid comments regarding my reptile collection... such as "oh, it is scarey, kill it, it deserves to die,it is dangerous to your kids, its just a -insert comment here-".

My other sister, well, thankfully, she has come around on her way of thinking. She will even handle most of my reptiles.

To me it is as simple as this..."get over my reptiles, act like the adult you are suppose to be, grow up" or dont come around.

My mother in law doesn't like my snakes...for a while she wouldn't even go in the room but she does now. She will even try and peek through the tubs at the snakes sometimes. My family (mom, brother, step-dad, etc) almost always have to stop over whenever they hear I have something new. My (real) dad and his brothers where always all about plants and animals. My dad has been working with plants for as long as I can remember. The only person I can single out that absolutely HATES snakes is my grandpa, if I find even a little garter snake and bring it up to his house he has to turn away and close his eyes...that's not to say I force snakes on him if he's outside and I know it I won't bring it up. Most of my family is pretty open, many of them don't want the animals out but are geniunely interested in what I do with them. I don't force anyone to touch or look at anything they don't want to. I've a few rare priveledges of people dealthly affraid of snakes...even one women who had been wrapped up by one of her friends large boas (not sure of the whole situation). Anway she came up to my wife and I one day and asked us to hold one of the balls, although much smaller she explained how big of a step she was taking just to walk over to us...much less take the animal in her hands. Awesome to help someone like that make a step towards changing their fears into respect.

Anyway, I don't know what to tell you about your family. It sounds down right mean the things they are saying. I wouldn't give any of it up myself, but then I am not one to put up or participate in family drama.

That is just sad. It's really out-of-line for them to tell you how to live your life. There are so many bad ways to be spending money/time; they should be supportive of your hobby. I would kindly write them a letter saying all this, including of course, cute pics of the snakes w/ the kids, in pics that show they're harmness. So many people think that every snake out there is a rattler or a viper.

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There are so many bad ways to be spending money/time; they should be supportive of your hobby.

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Excellent point.

Better yet! That should be the photo on your X-Mas cards, (if you do them) ! lol Family shot,..... and a snake in everyone's hand! :P


Seriouslly, I haft to say that I'm fortunate in that area.... My mom and dad are both animal lovers (seperated when I was 12)... My mother took a 12 ft. Retic I had (RESCUED) to her Law office when I was 16 cause he needed shots and I couldn't take him to school....Diff. story, Yea. At the same time, when my father and "other-mother" came to visit when my husband and I had moved, he said... "You still have snakes don't you"? And I said "Yea.. thats why you don't have a choice on a guest bedroom"!!! He has a SERIOUS snake fobia.... so he just stayed away from that room... and played with all the other critters! (LOVED the Rats)! :P As for our friends... This is how I send invites... BlaBlaBla.. Time, reason, menue, BYOB, and.... "We have Pets, alot of them. If you don't like animals, don't come to our house"!!
You can tell them that concidering BP are great family pets, and not a species that are going to reach a "dangerous" size, that it hurts your feelings that they would question your parenting skills... or something like that??? I don't know girl.... But don't give up such an awsome hobby because not everyone agrees with your intrests! I can't Imagine who I'd be today if I wasn't raised with a house full of critters... (of course the snakes came after my dad/mom split)... I think your kiddo is very lucky!:D

Thank you everyone for such kind words and support in this situation. It's hard being between this rock and a hard place ya know? I've ALWAYS been an animal lover of any kind, I dont think there is one livng thing that I hate, I might not love some of them but I would never say "kill them all and get rid of them" okay maybe mosquito's lol. But even things that I am affraid of I have respect for.
I am hoping in my life like any parent, to raise my children better then I was and to be a better parent then mine were. I think I'm on the right track, but its hard when all you ever want is for your family to like what you do and think your a good person. I know by now that in the 23 years I've been alive my parents have never been proud of anything that I have done or thought it was good enough....but still as a daughter you hope one day they will. I believe I'll be 60 years old and saying "I wish they would just be proud of me." Do I know in my mind this will never happen? Yes of coarse...I'm not dumb, but its human nature to want these basic needs met.

So who knows, maybe once Raigen is grown and becomes something to respect and be proud of they will figure out I didnt do such a bad job. I think I'm a good parent, I think I might even be better then alot of soccer moms because I bring varity to our family and toher childhood. We dont really dissagree with anything in life as long as your happy then who cares right? Have tattoos, be a lesbian, raise snakes and worship satan.....as long as your happy. If only I could take my own words to heart right?

It's so sad when family doesn't understand. I've benn very lucky that my family has always been very comfortable with all types of animals. When I would bring animals home mom & dad would make certain that I found out how to care for the pet. I am spending 3 days this week to get my kids set up in comfortable tubs because people viewing our house during previous open houses have been in 1 case in particular very put off by seeing the snakes. :(

Most family members will come around in time. Others that don't feel comfortable are alright as long as they stay in their tanks.
Be patient with your family and you may actually bring future herpers to the fold!!!:D
Good luck with future breeding plans & the family.:)

This is a post I posted about P.E.T.A but it apply to any one that touts our hobby. When reading this I just substitute PETA for family or friends.

Hope this helps. Trust me I know where your comming from.

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Lord Grant me the strenght to change the things I can. And the Wisdom to except the things I can't.


It is our charge as reptile keepers and as animal lovers to spread our message. And spread it in a way that shows our point, with out finger pointing. We as learned people can present our message in such a way that some will see the truth some will not. We have to except that.

Getting upset at Family is not the answer. Be knowledgable enough in our hobby to defend our lifestyle, useing the facts.

And when they just don't want to see our side or can't understand it. Have the control and wisdom to simply except that that person probaly will never except our life style. Take comfort in the fact that at least once for sure they were told the absolute truth, by you, and they made their own choices which to take.

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Our hobby is made al the more enjoyable by the exceptance of the ones we love. But should not be second guessed by it practishionars (sp) when they don't

One day I hope you move past needing acceptance and approval from anyone else. My immediate family never approved of anything I did, nothing was good enough, I worked my tuckus off for them and never got the slightest gratitude. I got straight As honor roll 4 years in a row, and they shrugged.
When I suddenly turned that all-important corner and said "I don't care about your opinion, it's my life. If you don't like it, then go away. I don't want your opinion, nor do I need your approval." That's when I felt the most giant amount of relief. I deserve to live my life, because its mine. Not theirs. Mine.
I hope you can eventually get them to come to terms with it, but never alter yourself for someone else's ideals.
Wolfy

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Originally Posted by Freakie_frog

This is a post I posted about P.E.T.A but it apply to any one that touts our hobby. When reading this I just substitute PETA for family or friends.

Hope this helps. Trust me I know where your comming from.



Our hobby is made al the more enjoyable by the exceptance of the ones we love. But should not be second guessed by it practishionars (sp) when they don't

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This is why I personally love PETA.

Thank you again EVERYONE for your helpful words. I've adopted you all as my real family :sunny:

If you spend your life trying to make everyone else happy you will never be happy yourself. It's not fair and very hard to accept. I know from personal experience.
Good luck.

-Hannah

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Originally Posted by TheAudOne

This is why I personally love PETA.

Thank you again EVERYONE for your helpful words. I've adopted you all as my real family :sunny:

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I am glad you feel like family here. However please don't misunderstand my post the original was not a PETA promotional. I want highjack this thread to rehash the whole thing but my post was in defence of comments PETA made toward a mentor of sorts of many of us here.

I suport you 100% in your quest to help your family see your side and anything we can do to help let us know PLEASE!

Good luck. :sunny: :rockon:

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Originally Posted by TheAudOne

This is why I personally love PETA.

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Because they are against everything we are for?

:confuzd:

I look at it this way. I know some stuff about snakes, and family members are misinformed about my hobby. All my other family members have a hobby I am misinformed about, too. Everyone is ignorant of something. Sometimes its not on purpose, but everyone is. And all you can do is try your best to educate them.

:)

In addition to everything listed above, you may add that snakes:

-don't chew the furniture
-don't bark or complain
-don't need to be walked rain, shine, or snow
-don't pee on the carpet
-don't leave hair on you shirt or lap
-don't lick, but scare intruders
-don't take up a lot of room
- etc.
;)

There are perk on both sides. The main thing is if they don't except your decision they at least respect it. They don't have to like it!

I like PETA alot for most of the things they do, I love the passion behind them. I think its just like anything in life, you'll always find something you dont like and something you love in the same thing. I've volunteerd for PETA for awhile, laid off once I had Raigen and started eating meat again....the guilt of being into animal rights and then eating a big piece of meat got to me, and at the time my cravings were stronger then my will. I havent gone back because I have to much going on right now to be able to give them anything worth while. . . . . plsu it cracks me up they send me a letter in the mail each month with a nickle in it to remind me to donate....I keep saving the nickles and am amazed at how much money they waste on this incentive...if you need cash that bad why have you sent me nickles every month for 5 years?

Any who back to the point, thank you again everyone.....its nice to hear others are either in the same boat or can offer good advvice...none of it is falling on deaf ears.. . . . or blind eyes I guess lol.

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Originally Posted by _BoidFinatic_

In addition to everything listed above, you may add that snakes:

-don't chew the furniture
-don't bark or complain
-don't need to be walked rain, shine, or snow
-don't pee on the carpet
-don't leave hair on you shirt or lap
-don't lick, but scare intruders
-don't take up a lot of room
- etc.
;)

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Funny you say that, my sister was just holding her new corn snake and it peed/crapped all over her hand, and I'm pretty sure a couple drops of pee got on the carpet. Her first time holding him and he goes all over her hands! He ate last Saturday. Should've seen it coming, LOL. Talk about first impressions...

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Originally Posted by JasonGranger

Funny you say that, my sister was just holding her new corn snake and it peed/crapped all over her hand, and I'm pretty sure a couple drops of pee got on the carpet. Her first time holding him and he goes all over her hands! He ate last Saturday. Should've seen it coming, LOL. Talk about first impressions...

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I guess there are exceptions. I don't know if she'll be holding corns any time soon :D.

I'd really love to read all these posts on this thread to learn of everyone's experiences, but I first have to say one thing:

People use ignorance to hide deeper more troubling emotions like fear and self-doubt. In this case, your family members are using a snake as an excuse to hide worse problems they may have with you.

I'll relate a story tonight that has been altogether typical of how my snakes and I have been perceived. I've been hosing a foreign 'student' in my home, and tonight her last night here she invited over many of her co-workers for a potluck meal at my house. A man and a woman whom I had never met and their ~2 year old daughter came over as part of this group. They knew of course that I have 26 snakes in my relatively small home, but unless you really explore, you won't find them (tucked away in the pantry).

After dinner, I asked if anyone would like to see some snakes, as most Newfoundlanders have never seen a single snake their entire lives. This is perfect conditions to breed ignorance and fear, so you might expect the worse. I brought out three babies, a normal and two visual morphs to talk to them a little about the amazing diversity there is, and 3 complete strangers held out their hands to cradle them. I brought out some of my bigger snakes to show how big they can get, and some adult morphs to see how pastels can change, etc... and everyone sat around on my floor utterly fascinated, watching the snake in their care. Even when one hatchling was spooked by a toy the baby had brought that the father was moving and she struck it, everyone knew that these darling little hatchlings are nothing to fear... even minutes later independently showing the snake to their little girl, and letting her touch it.

My mother fell in love the minute she met my first ball python, and I've done school shows for primary kids where she works. My sister was so enamoured with my baby het pied male that she gave me money to buy a het pied female. I've had senior citizens visiting for whatever reasons go from never having seen a snake in their entire lives, to holding them and asking what's the big deal everyone makes about them?

I'm really sorry your family chooses to remain ignorant, and says hurtful things. There is nothing you can do for these people, they've made up their minds. And don't bother with facts, bigots and fear-mongers know you can use facts "to prove anything". All the best with your family and your snakes... know that you'll raise your children with love and tolerance and that they'll never end up the hateful and fearful people you've had to deal with in your life.

That is a beauitful story Dread. I can picture it in my head....I wish they would go at my snakes like Raigen (my daughter) does, she has this beautiful blind love for them already.....it's hard to get her to realize that she should never hug or kiss a snake she finds outside. But I still love that side of her.


Also I know someone above said there snake peed all over someone...tonight after I bathed my snakes and cleaned out there homes I was placing Tiombe my 1147gram female into her tank...well I dont know if she drank the bath water or what but right as I lifted her over her clean tank she peed all over the place, it shot out of her!!! AND she farted lol, well it wasnt a fart I guess but alot of air came out....not funny at the time because it went all over her clean bedding.

Any who thank you all for your great stories, it's all wonderful to read. I know I keep saying thank you, and I'm sure there are many more to come.

~Audrey:carrot:

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Originally Posted by TheAudOne

Also I know someone above said there snake peed all over someone...tonight after I bathed my snakes and cleaned out there homes I was placing Tiombe my 1147gram female into her tank...well I dont know if she drank the bath water or what but right as I lifted her over her clean tank she peed all over the place, it shot out of her!!! AND she farted lol, well it wasnt a fart I guess but alot of air came out....not funny at the time because it went all over her clean bedding.

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:rofl:

They always seem to do that... spring it on you when you least expect it.

I gave them all a bath today and I swore one farted but I thought "snakes farting...and whats next pigs flying?" so I wrote it off as my hearing going out on me and then sure enough I got peed on, ruined a good clean cage and farted at the same time.....she's a very large attractive lady lol.

I know I'm coming in a bit late on this thread, but boy can I relate... I get that same attitude on all fronts, not just the snakes. So much great advice on this thread that applies to all forms of stubborn ignorance and unfair prejudice. The only thing to do is wait around until someone is ready to listen, because until then you're only beating your head against the wall. All that gets you is a headache and frustration.

I love how Judy put it.

....just shake your head and say very quietly, "I'm sorry you feel that way. It's wrong. And if you ever choose to open your mind and realize how selfish and unreasonable you are being, I'll be here with open arms and an open home."

Really, that's the best anyone can do even though waiting for them to come around can be a real test of patience and endurance. But if they're not ready... they're not ready.