chores and your kids

i have a question for all those other parents out there... how many chores do your kids do weekly? what are they? how old are your kids who are doing them...

i'm having some problems with my 12 yr old son... he does half the job (dishes etc) and then just walks out... very frustrating.

so, what do you all have your kids do? and how do you get them to do it? :taz:

My two older kids have regular chores they do on a daily basis, plus weekly chores that are supposed to be done every Saturday.


My 13 year old is responsible for keeping the kitchen tidy during the day and doing the dishes after dinner each night.

My 10 year old is responsible for keeping the living room and play room tidied up each day.

On Saturdays, they do those, as well as clean their own bedrooms and collect all the trash out of various bins in each room. And the 13 year old also cleans the kids' bathroom.

They do get paid well for these chores with a weekly allowance. No chores done...no allowance. 1/2 chores done...1/2 allowance. And they can take on extra chores for extra money, if they choose to do so, such as vacuuming, or folding laundry.

There are days when I really have to ride them to get things finished, and those days are frustrating. But I try to never let them get away with not finishing them, because that just teaches them it's OK to start a job and not finish it. Over time, they are gradually learning that it's easier to just do it and get it over with than to have Mom on their backs all afternoon. But we're by no means perfect at it and some days we're ALL lazy and nothing gets done at all! LOL (But at least we didn't start something we didn't finish...we started a lazy day and finished it! :P )

My 3 year old helps me with laundry, tossing clothes into the dryer as I pull them out of the washer. But he gets paid in hugs and kisses. ;)

Kids always want to "help" when they are too little to be effective and then balk at doing squat when they are big enough to actually be helpful LOL


With Beth and Luke being respectively 12 and 14 this year, we just tell them what we need them to do that day and a time frame to do it in. If they don't want to or can't be bothered to do the work (or do it properly) then we "can't be bothered" to run them to a friends, let them watch tv or use the computer or whatever it takes to get their attention. It's pretty normal at that age to want to skip out on chores or rush through them. Heck I did the "my room's clean mom!" thing at that age and everything was piled in the closet or shoved under the bed LOL.

I find with the kids if I can sort of give them a time line. Like..."I need you to clean your room today BEFORE 2 p.m. and BEFORE you make any other plans for the day". That way they have some flexibility to decide when to do it. Most of the time of course they leave it till 1:59 p.m. or 2 minutes before they want to go hang out with a friend but hey...as long as it's done it's done...or they can have a really boring day home with a crabby mom.

The worst is when they rush through it and do it badly. They hate and I hate having to make them redo it but if not they won't get the point to leave more time to do it right the first time.

My mom is a clean freak! always has been, she wouldnt really allow me to do much since she had to have everything be a certain way.

But i did have chores here and there. Also with me, as i got older, I didnt like to see her work 40 hours a week cleaning up after other people then spending her saturdays cleaning up after me so i felt bad and would offer to do things i knew i couldnt mess up.

Mostly I had weekly tasks.
1. take out the garbage when needed. no biggy, on my way to school or out the door to play
2. clean out the degu cage. if i wanted pets i needed to clean up after them
3. clean the tub (cant get that one worng.)

since i was an only child and it was just my mom raising me she did most of the work. But i will say she kept on me about cleaning up after myself. I wasnt allowed to leave a mess in any of rooms but my own. Keeping on me about that taught me to just keep things neat all the time. (do i keep things neat now...heck no..i live with a 20somethings guy who is a slob!) I was able to see how my mom kept her things neat and never left stuff laying around, why couldnt i do the same. try Makeing "cleaning up" a family affair where everyone influences each other.

Also the above post are very correct. you want some moolah you gotta work for it! the more you enforce reward for action the more you will get a response as well as help set them up for work responsibility when they get older. Also dishes are the most evil chore ever..dont ask me why but i believe everyone hates doing dishes! try splitting the load with your kid, my mom would do that with me!

good luck!

Chores? LOL

Well I still live at home, and still do chores....well that is when I'm not working.

I mow the lawn weekly, vacuum, take out my garbage, laundry, and wash dishes. Sure beats paying rent for now.

Bribery works quite well for kids getting chores done. If there's something that I really wanted my parents would make me prove it by doings my chores correctly and without complaining for like a month.

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Originally Posted by JBallPython

Chores? LOL

Well I still live at home, and still do chores....well that is when I'm not working.

I mow the lawn weekly, vacuum, take out my garbage, laundry, and wash dishes. Sure beats paying rent for now.

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perfect! you'd be my moms most fave family member! (although she wont allow anyone in her house to vaccum)
my step sister is a lazy whale! cant understand why she has to do any of that!

ps....
I got a sink full if your not busy!;)

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Originally Posted by 4Khan

perfect! you'd be my moms most fave family member! (although she wont allow anyone in her house to vaccum)
my step sister is a lazy whale! cant understand why she has to do any of that!

ps....
I got a sink full if your not busy!;)

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LOL! Thanks for the offer, but I already did my chores for the day. Laundry, gave the room a deep clean, and dishes to boot. Oh and then I cleaned gecko tubs, and snake tubs.

-Jason

our 16 yr old does kitchen,dishes(dishwasher) and trash. she also cleans her own br and bath. as much time as she spends in the bath it should be spotless! the 10 and 4yr old do alot less but they also don't get the allowance and extras the 16 yr old gets. everyone cleans their own animals and chips in with the snakes sometimes.


12 yr olds can be frustrating (it doesn't get better)! lol personally i am pretty firm and strict, if i say do it it better get done. i was rasied in an old fashioned military household. my wife is a bit more forgiving and easy going, the kids work her over alot! lol i don't have a solid answer, maybe a bit of both tough love and understanding? make a compromise but set a consequence if it isn't reached?

vaughn

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Originally Posted by kavmon

make a compromise but set a consequence if it isn't reached?

vaughn

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or beat them senseless, hang them out to dry as an example to the other children!!!
just kidding!

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Originally Posted by recycling goddess

i have a question for all those other parents out there... how many chores do your kids do weekly? what are they? how old are your kids who are doing them...

i'm having some problems with my 12 yr old son... he does half the job (dishes etc) and then just walks out... very frustrating.

so, what do you all have your kids do? and how do you get them to do it? :taz:

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When I was a kid (11-15) I did the following fairly regularly, after that age I didnt do quite as much as I was working a job.

Water both outside dogs and feed them every night
Feed and water the chickens a few times a week
During growing season tend the garden/weed once a week
Keep room clean, share in doing dishes/cleaning house on weekend
During firewood season help gather and chop wood
Mow the lawn weekly during spring/summer/fall
Rake leaves during the fall

that is all I can think of for now ;) if I had refused to do a chore or half did it, I would probably be grounded, and had a lot of privilges revoked, like sports, going over to friends, etc

well my son is grounded for a week and usually if they make a "real" effort i'm willing to let them off early but not this time. this is a constant battle and so "real" change is needed as well as "real" effort!

i've decided to make a list... of daily and weekly chores and they can mark them off. they can do them anytime, but they must be done before they go to play with their friends... so their choice. AND if they aren't done before bed... they have to stay up to do them! i'll go in and wake them up if needed for now on.

we don't give rewards or allowance for chores because then they just do them when they want money... besides, our home is like a community, everyone has to pitch in no matter what. i don't get paid for doing the dishes so why should he? (barbara colloruso stuff here)

i never had problems with my older daughter... she's 19 now and living on her own. she knew when chores needed to be done by and just did them... simple. but my son... he's such a challenge.

thanks for all the comments and suggestions everyone... you really helped me lots!

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Originally Posted by recycling goddess

i never had problems with my older daughter... she's 19 now and living on her own. she knew when chores needed to be done by and just did them... simple.

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That's a RARE child you have there!!! :yes:

well i have a feeling there's not a whole lot 'rare' about my son LOL

hahahahaha

and yes, everything about my eldest is unique. she's an amazing young woman... great ethics, beautiful personality, gorgeous, confident and strong... exactly the kind of daughter every woman dreams of having! i am VERY blessed!!!

i also used to have chores but in the last few years (i'm 17) i havent had any official chores.along with this was a loss in offical allowance. basicly if i need money i can ask my parents and depeding on our monetary situation (and man does it go up and down) they'll either give generously or explain to me that were sorta strapped right now. i may not always be happy with it but it did make me go out and get a job. the trade off is that i have no official chores but if my mom (or dad) needs something i done, i do it. i dont think this system works for everyone and the only reason it works for me is becasue of my deep respect for my parents and their trust in me.

I love a lot of Barbara's thoughts too Aleesha. Pretty good stuff and very common sense approach to parenting.

As much as we try to raise our kids equal, the fact is they are all unique and having both male and female kids...that difference in sexes as well as personalities is very obvious. 12 year old boys, or rather young men, are just not a whole bag of fun honey....never have been...probably never will be. Course 14 year old young women will turn your hair grey! LOL

Good luck on the grounding. For me I was as much grounded as the kids ever were so I hated having to go there with them, then I'm stuck home enforcing their darn punishment LOL. Just set his chores, set a time limit and expectation and make sure he knows exactly what the consequence will be....after that it's his decision. One rule we do have here is if I have to go and do your chore because you didn't and it needed done, then you get stuck with one of mine and it won't be one of my easier ones :halohorn:

Good luck with the grounding. We only do that if we REALLY need to get the point across. For not doing chores, we remove something that they enjoy. For my son it is the PS2, and for my duaghters its usually holding the snakes. If those things don't work, then they are grounded from playing with their friends. My oldest daughter Alyssa is 12 and she is usually the only one that pushes it that far.


Their chores are, dishes, cleaning up after the dogs, taking out trash, cleaning thier rooms, and helping clean the rest house. We are still working on getting them to do everything without being reminded. I like the chart idea, wemight ahve to try that one.

Neil

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Originally Posted by aaajohnson

Their chores are, dishes, cleaning up after the dogs, taking out trash, cleaning thier rooms, and helping clean the rest house. We are still working on getting them to do everything without being reminded. I like the chart idea, wemight ahve to try that one.

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Neil, I'll come be your chore slave if I get to hold Spirit after I'm done. :D

well at this time, these chores are something of great importance. with my back injury i can't do much of anything... and when it doesn't get done, i end up doing it (cause i can't stand it messy for too long) and then i'm back at the chiro for a $35 visit and more stressed out which causes me to have to go back to the chiro again for another $35 visit... it's a huge issue here right now... hence the grounding.

i barely ever ground... and when i do it's more of a 3 hour grounding (so a long time out really) and in that time they get to sit and think. and when they come to me saying they are truly sorry and why... and what they could do different in the situation etc... then they are free to go about their business again...

this is the third time, since i've been injured that we've had to ground him over this issue... which is why it's a longer grounding this time. he needs to know that a simple sorry and back to not doing anything again isn't going to cut it this time. his grounding is no tv or video games (except i give him one hour in the evening if he's done lots around the house for me during the day) and no playing with friends. so he can be outside, he came to a movie with me yesterday (cars) and he's had subway two days in a row... so it's not like i have him locked in a small dark room LOL eating scraps of bread hahahahaha it's really just a removal of some stuff to get him to understand the importance of helping out right now.

i was grounded a lot when i was a teen... it sucked so much. so i try to not do that with my kids... we do a lot of talking... which usually resolves the issue but this one seems to be reoccuring for some reason... so we need to get him into the headspace of helping so i can heal.

hopefully this is working...

and right now... my house is very clean LOL

i'm making the chart today!

In my next reincarnation I'm gonna raise poodles instead of kids!!!! :D

na they are way too yappy... i'm going to raise something easier... like maybe crickets. cause when i get bored with them, i can just sell em off LOL or feed them to something... or stomp on them... or...

i'm saying all this staring at your little hamster with a gun jo... it's your fault it's turning violent! LOL

Cassandra, Any time!!!!


Aleesha (I hope I got that right), I think you are on the right track taking away the entertainment, that definitely seems to get their attention. Good Luck with it, and I hope you get to feeling better.

And instead of poodles, try labradoodles!!!!

www.sunsetlabradoodles.com

Neil

I don't get chores. Mom says clean this, I do it. I do half of it or don't do it at all.....I get yelled at and she threatens to give my snakes away. Although I know she won't do it, I still listen because I never know when she will have a bad day and actually do it. So, if he doesn't do what you ask, take something away or threaten too. We learn really quick when parents make threats.
Just my $.02

My 7 year old son clean his room and cleans his playroom. He also holds a clipboard and writes down the info in the reptile room that I dictate to him(meals, sheds, weights)...its his way of helping Daddy even though he doesn't really like the snakes!! I also have a month old son...he does nothing!!

hahaha nothing eh? hahahahahaha

well this seems to be working... he did lots of work in the yard while i pointed and gave commands to everyone (being the supervisor sucks, i wanna get dirty too :( )

but... my back is crying from what i did sneak and do (bad mama) and i've now been sent into the house to rest. hence... that's why i'm here LOL

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Originally Posted by aaajohnson

And instead of poodles, try labradoodles!!!!

www.sunsetlabradoodles.com

Neil

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Ack don't get me started on those "designer" crosses LOL. I have a "boxador" apparently and here I thought I just had a mutt from somebody's lovely Boxer female and the wandering yellow lab from down the block. :D