funny: The Joys of Having Boys

The Joys of Having Boys

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas... Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke -- lots of it.

9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.


22) The spin cycle on the washing machine will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25.) 80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical.
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children th is age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

Clorox and brake fluid...awesome!

Ha...it is funny to read that and remember back to some crazy crap that I did when I was a kid :D My poor mother.

Holy crap those are great! I think when I was a kid I mixed every possibly chemical together to see what happens. I also lit everything on fire. Recreated the Back to the Future scene where the car leaves lines of fire in its wake... YES!!

I also tried to smoke crushed Oregano in lined notebook paper. Needless to say, it gave me no high and made me a little queasy

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Originally Posted by jglass38

I also tried to smoke crushed Oregano in lined notebook paper. Needless to say, it gave me no high and made me a little queasy

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ROTFLMAO! Boys!!

This is a fun list, Cass! My older boy is actually quite calm and sensitive...but his younger brother...that child scares me! LOL

Chlorox and Brake Fluid, eh? :devilish: :twisted: ...Muahahaha

I don't know about boys, but my sister and I were pretty bad. Yeah. Those designer barbies Grandma used to buy us. They were fun. Microwave! Barber Barbie! Rocketeer Barbie. O_O

We were evil little kids. And, of course, the countless times we crushed pertinent male body parts. O_O

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Originally Posted by Melicious

We were evil little kids. And, of course, the countless times we crushed pertinent male body parts. O_O

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AHHHHHHHHHHHH! You'll just never understand how evil that is! haha

I've seen that list before, and you know, I keep meaning to try that Clorox and brake fluid thing but I haven't gotten around to it yet. Maybe this summer!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jglass38

I also tried to smoke crushed Oregano in lined notebook paper. Needless to say, it gave me no high and made me a little queasy

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its gotta be FRESH oregano. dried stuff is like dried poppy seeds- worthless


definatly gonna try that clorox and brake fluid (PS: HOW DO U GET BRAKE FLUID?)

and bye the way boys will be more troublesome and inventive and girls (at least the ones in my family ) will always follow instructions to the letter

for example: i have 3 older sisters (no older bros) and they used to like to dress me up as anything they felt like. as i got older the used me as a seat so they didnt have to sit on the ground. and for a while, after they were finished playing with me they would tidy me up and put me away in a dresser drawer.

PPS when i got older they stopped doing that being that i hae at least a foot of height and anywhere from 60-100+ pounds on them. (but dont worry ladies. they can hold now hold there own against many an offending male because of all the practise we had wrasslin')

2 Things

1. How do you know my kids?

2. I'm off to the garage with a bottle of Clorox!

FYI....Clorox toliet bowl cleaner in a closed 2 liter bottle plus little balls of tinfoil shaken up will go BOOM! like a shotgun...plus kill any grass in a 15 foot radius.

Also, after you drop in the tinfoil, and cap an d shake, run like heck!:twisted:

Oh, and spraypaint and hairspray cans do not belong in the bonfire pit, imagine huge tracer bullets wizzing past your head. LOL

Another unitelligent yet fun thing to do is shoot an angry bull in the rear with a BB gun, makes you think twice about doing that one...

Blackcat fireworks are tied together for a reason...untied you have 1.1 seconds to light and throw.:sweeet:

Its also not a good idea to jump off of a house roof with a bedsheet, they do not work well as parachutes.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cassandra

24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

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haha, already thinking about doing that, trying to rememer if we have any brake fluid:devil:

Oh good lord. This is not good for the male members of this site. Here's the disclaimer. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME FOLKS!!!! :P

men.... :rolleyes: (although I would probably watch you guys do it. lol ;) )

when I was a little kid.....i found a pull-tie.....put it on my wrist....and pulled it as tight as a could....just to see what would happen....we were on a roadtrip...there was nowhere to stop to get it off....my mom told me my hand was going to fall off jokeingly....i took it seriously and i cried and freaked out...about 10 minutes later....we came across a gas station...my mom had to stop, take me inside and borrow a pair of scissors to cut it off....

I did that once too! But it was to one of my toes, my uncle told me he'd have to cut the toe off, I believed him, he's that type of scary looking guy.

Oh! I remembered another good one. Put a nice and big egg in the microwave for we'll say five minutes on high, and just let it cook. A few minutes you'll hear a nice frying noise followed by a boom most likely. Next will come the nice stench of rotten egg with some wonderful smoke coming out of the microwave.

Forgot to mention, you'll have scrambled eggs all over, which I guess my mother didn't find too funny.

Boys will be boys....

Omg Alex everytime you tell a story about your three older sisters using you as a playtoy I nearly die laughing! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (so how is that therapy going there bud???? :P )

I live in fear that Michael, Luke and Mikey will read this thread. My nerves can't take the resultant mess, noise and possible trips to the ER department.

Oh btw....you know those big foam swim noodles....never try to toss one in your burn barrel because it got all moldy over the winter!!!....think napalm....big fire...big melt...not good!

Girls do wierd things too....it's just that they always have a darned good reason why the whole thing seemed reasonable to them at the time. Boys just look at you like...."well why wouldn't I have tried it????"...then shrug, wander off and figure out what they can blow up next.

My son is only 6. My daughter 4. I'm actually more afraid of what my daughter will do, than my son. Of course now, I may have to rethink this logic. :O